The Killer in You
by Lena aka czmadzia
Summary: An alternative ending of the DN story. What if certain characters made different decisions? Spoilers to vol. 7 of the manga. Light x L.
1. Prologue: Nights

I wanted to make this an alternative ending. The prologue takes place during volumes 5 and 6, when Light and L are cuffed together. Treat it as scraps behind the scenes. The rest is an alternative story. It begins in the middle of chapter 57 and brings volume 7 to another conclusion. It is based strongly on the manga/anime and contains heavy spoilers so I recommend to read the manga at least to chapter 57 or watch the anime up to episode 25 before reading this. Otherwise it might even not make sense to you. Aside from that, I hope you like it.

The story has been proofread by Mikitoru and Lady Karai. Thanks very much!

**

* * *

Prologue (Chapters 38-52 – Behind the scenes): Nights**

Light stared at the figure curled on the sofa. Ryuzaki lay there, rolled into a ball, covered with a blanket. He slept. In spite of the team's belief, Ryuzaki did sleep and even every night. Well, at least five of the seven nights they had already spent together. Although it was probably because, as the detective admitted himself, he had lost motivation.

Light remembered that day, one week ago, when for the first time they stood in the door of their shared room. A huge bed stared at them from the opposite wall. A double bed. Light snorted angrily.

"What? No way, Ryuzaki, get it out of your head. Not only am I confined to you, but I am also supposed to sleep with you like some pervert? I guess Misa was right about you after all."

L looked at him with his unnaturally huge eyes and seemed to have scooped even more.

"It's just a bed, Yagami-kun. We are cuffed together."

In the back of his mind Light noted that Ryuzaki hadn't denied his words about being a pervert. Could it really be that…? No, more likely such comments simply didn't affect the antisocial eccentric he was.

"It could be two beds next to each other," he countered.

L shrugged. "I didn't see any difference. If you were a girl then yes, but as it is…"

Light gave him a glare. "I demand separate beds."

Not that he felt any particular anger. One bed or two, it really made no big difference. But Ryuzaki had made his life pretty miserable lately and Light felt like taking a little revenge on him. No matter how you looked at it, fifty days of being unjustly detained and now a complete deprivation of privacy was a serious violation of human rights.

Ryuzaki sighed heavily, dropping his gaze.

"All right, no problem. I hardly ever sleep anyway, mainly on the sofa. We'll move the sofa to the bed and we will both be comfortable."

For the first three nights, when some remains of motivation still flickered in the detective, Light went to sleep leaving L crouched on the couch, and when he woke up in the morning he found him in the exactly same place and position. Once, he came round in the night and his eyes were exposed to the most amazing sight. Sleeping L. Sleeping in a sitting position. Not even covered with anything. Taken by compassion, Light got up and reached for a blanket he found within the chain reach. He covered the other youth, not waking him up, and lay in bed again, staring at this amazing picture.

Soon after that, L lost his ambition to stay awake, so at night he made himself lie down and even took care to cover himself. Although on an angle, his position didn't change. And sleeping so piteously, he was like a pang of conscience. Light couldn't understand that. The guy could afford the most expensive hotels, had a chauffeured limo, was the most famous and brilliant detective in the world, but he had the mentality of a servant.

Light just knew that in L's place, he'd have become big-headed.

Tonight L had fallen asleep even before Light. Lying comfortably on a luxurious mattress, Light looked at the sleeping figure. Asleep, Ryuzaki looked even younger than usual, almost like a kid. Touching. Wonder how old he really was… Not that he would ever reveal it.

One of L's hands, the cuffed one, hung over the sofa's seat, dangling over the carpet. His knees also stuck out. In this position on the couch, he couldn't possibly be comfortable.

Driven by an impulse, Light tugged at the chain that connected them. Ryuzaki's hand sprang up, stirring the rest of the skinny body. Black eyes opened and L raised his head, meeting Light's gaze.

"Hey, Ryuzaki. You don't have to sleep over there. I can't stand seeing you curled up like that. Get to bed."

For a while L still lay motionless. His eyes closed and opened. He shook his head.

"No, it's okay. I am comfortable here."

"Don't be ridiculous. I believe that you're not a pervert and won't harass my innocent young body."

L's lips twisted with a hint of a smile.

"And even if," Light added, returning the smile crookedly, "I can defend myself, right? There really is no point in continuing this."

Ryuzaki pondered this for yet another moment, then he hauled himself off the couch and, clambering awkwardly over Light, lay down on the other side of the bed.

"Thank you, Light-kun," he murmured. "I am glad you came to this conclusion." With that he closed his eyes and was fast asleep.

_Really_, Light thought. _Mentality of a servant._

* * *

Why couldn't Misa be as smart as Ryuzaki? Dammit, why was she so stupid, how come she was his girlfriend in the first place? They had nothing in common. Why didn't she have such a fascinating mind like the guy lying beside him? Why didn't Light have such a bond with her as he had with him? 

The problem was he'd never had such a bond with anyone before.

Light had to admit it. L fascinated him. And, with this mentality of his, in a way excited. And the worst thing was that when he tried to imagine Misa lying now in Ryuzaki's place, he was relieved it was just an imagination. And content.

Content. What did that mean? He looked at the youth sleeping beside him. Ryuzaki wasn't very attractive. At first sight he wasn't attractive at all. With that hunched, skinny body and dark rings under the protruding eyes— eyes without a gleam, like a dead fish, he really didn't present a remarkable picture. But apart from that, Ryuzaki's features were regular. Handsome. It was hard to notice under this sloppy cover, the ruffled hair and the eyes. On the other hand, those very eyes – a bit scary, a bit scared – in a way made up Ryuzaki's… charm wasn't the best word here… exclusivity. L-ness. Without them, Ryuzaki wouldn't have been the same Ryuzaki.

And the body wasn't that lame either. So what that it was hunched and skinny, if it was also unusually fit: fast, agile, strong… Light still felt the bruises on his ribs after L's lightning kicks; he still remembered their tennis match. Who would have expected it from someone who walked and sat like an ape? It was also in a way fascinating. Discovering secrets. Stripping off layers… like peeling off clothes, to the raw.

Realizing suddenly which direction his thoughts were taking, Light tried to stop them, horrified with himself. Was it possible that he was attracted to a man? Nah. He liked women. He had always liked women. But on the other hand, if he was to choose between a dumb, even the most beautiful woman and a superintelligent, if not even super-cute man, he preferred the latter. How could stupidity excite him? Someone intelligent was a whole other story. Mind above all, apparently even in such situations. _Wait, Light, you were not to think about it…_

Content… no, it wasn't about L. He was simply happy that he wasn't here with Misa. If there was someone to harass his young innocent body, it was Misa, not Ryuzaki. He was just glad he avoided that. Right?

* * *

With a sigh, Light turned and moved to Ryuzaki. What on earth was he doing? 

"It might seem strange to you," he whispered into the other youth's ear, "but…" He wrapped his arm around the detective, to show what he meant by 'but'.

Ryuzaki twitched. "Light-kun…"

"If you mind that, just say so."

"No." And after a moment of hesitation. "No, I don't mind."

Now Light found himself surprised. He did expect a protest.

"I want you to know that I generally don't like guys. I prefer girls. Decidedly. It's just that… you make me feel strange. Don't make me explain this, I don't get it myself. All I know is that I want to… hold you. All right?"

"Yes." L's voice was faint in the darkness.

"So how about you, Ryuzaki? You don't mind it. Does that mean that you really prefer guys over girls?"

"No. Hm…" Ryuzaki considered it for a moment. "No, I think it just makes no difference to me. I have never thought about it."

Light drew back, surprised, taking his hand from L's thin body. As if sensing his intentions the detective turned to face him and took a long look into his eyes.

"You never thought about it?" Light asked. "Are you telling me you've never been with anyone?"

L shook his head and shrugged. "I told you, you are my first friend. If I were with someone, this person would have to be my friend. So far there was no one."

Light closed his eyes. Dammit, he knew what Ryuzaki meant, he knew it all too well. He, himself… in spite of his apparent sociability, he'd always felt alone. None of the people surrounding him could really understand him.

"But you like girls," he asked to make sure.

Another shrug. "Those pretty ones, why not? But so far I've never looked at anyone like that. I had other things in my head and no one was interesting enough. Their minds were not interesting enough. Besides, we are just talking about hugging, yes?"

"Well, yes."

Somewhere in the back of his mind Light knew that it wasn't quite true, that there was more behind this. L also seemed to know it. His shapely lips curled in a little smile.

"And what about Misa? She is your girlfriend. Wouldn't you rather be here with her? What would she think of it? Don't you feel you're disloyal to her?"

"Ryuzaki," Light murmured. "I am _glad_ that I am here with you, instead of her. I told you, it's one-sided."

Thin black brows rose at him, but eventually L said nothing. Light wrapped an arm around him again and pulled his bony, hunched body to himself. He felt L's arm slowly, tentatively encircle his waist, pulling him even closer. He buried his head into Ryuzaki's shoulder, feeling the nice smell of his skin. _So good._ Instantly, a strange calm poured into him and spread throughout his body. He closed his eyes and dozed off at once.

* * *

Light wasn't sure who kissed whom first, those two or three nights later. It just sort of happened. Lying so close you touched each other in various places. You oftentimes touched the other's shoulder with your lips, because it was simply a good place to put them. What harm would it be if those lips moved, if they actually _kissed_? If they also kissed the neck, and jaw, and… Then they found themselves probing each other's lips, trembling with excitement, wanting more, probing more, pulling closer, groaning, growing frantic… Finally it was L who first, reluctantly, broke the kiss. 

"Just holding, Light-kun?" he asked.

For a moment Light couldn't find a word in his mouth.

"I guess… not anymore."

"So what do you want?"

"I guess this."

"And more?"

"Perhaps. Later." Looking into Ryuzaki's scrutinizing eyes he felt a need to explain himself. "What I said about liking the girls is all true. It's really just… you."

L half-closed his eyes and smirked somewhat bitterly. "Of course. But in that case, if we get to this 'more' later, won't you mind that down there I have the wrong… equipment?"

"I don't know. Have to try to find it out." Light smiled wryly. "I can always look you in the face and pretend that 'down there' everything is as usual."

But the truth was he was even curious of his reaction. Strangely enough, the thought of L's other than female 'equipment' was quite exciting. Light had already admitted to himself that his fascination with Ryuzaki expanded from mind to body. It looked so weak and fragile that it seemed almost girlish, which could stir his interest in the first place. But he felt a strange thrill at the thought that in fact it was neither female nor weak. The thought of the thin but hard and flexible muscles, of the flat chest… of something other than usual and actually perverted sent waves of heat through his body. _I am a pervert. Something's really wrong with me. Perhaps I am Kira after all._ He was fully aware that this thought was irrational and self-pitying… and so what?

"How about you, Ryuzaki?" he asked. "Do _you_ want this?"

"Do I look like I wanted to protest?"

"No, but… gender aside, don't you mind doing it with your main suspect?"

Ryuzaki pushed his thumb into his mouth and considered it for a moment. "I am a bit worried about it, yes. Not with the fact that you might be deceiving me. According to my theory you're not Kira anymore or at least not at the moment. What I am bothered with is that being here with you now, I don't seem to have a problem with the fact that maybe you were."

"Oh," Light said, because nothing more clever came to his head.

The depths of L's eyes continued to watch him and their intense stare told Light what to do. He bent to L's lips and kissed him again.

* * *

Light rose over L, straddling his hips, and looked down at the skinny figure. They were both naked, their skin touching in the most disturbing places, sending hot shivers through his body. Even in the darkness of the room he could see Ryuzaki's paleness, but he didn't mind it. The detective lay there, looking up at him with a half-smile, arms spread loosely on his sides, leaving his chest open, relaxed and straight. Open? Straight? That was new. Light's stomach twitched in a funny way. Lying like that, smiling like that, L looked almost lascivious. 

Ryuzaki's gaze slid down his chest and the little curl of his lip widened. The thin arm rose and brushed Light's side ever so slightly. It almost sent Light over the edge.

"Is that what you are like, Ryuzaki, when there are no people around you?" he asked, before he managed to stop himself.

"Huh?"

"Never mind." And he added in his mind: _Because if that is so, you're damn gorgeous. Why don't you ever show it to anyone?_

Feeling the rush of blood in his veins, he bent down and locked his lips with L's. The detective's arms came around him, tightening so strong that they almost choked him.

That night Light came. He came a few times, along with Ryuzaki, and stronger than ever before. But it was all an effect of handy work, or a few times it just happened. They didn't go any further. As much as Light wanted this, the thought that he might actually have sex with another man was still too scary.

* * *

And the next morning Ryuzaki was wearing his usual ugly, baggy clothes, looking fully Ryuzaki again. 

"Hurry up, Light," he said, poking his head into the bathroom. "We really have lots of work to do."

Light stood in front of the mirror, busied with his usual morning grooming that was to make him into the Light-looker he showed to the world. He smiled at his handsome reflection. The '-kun' was gone, at least this changed. He was glad of it.

"Yeah, sure, just a moment."

When five minutes later they stood at the door of their room, Light stopped and glanced at Ryuzaki.

"I wish we wouldn't have to hide with this. I don't want to keep my hands off you for all these hours."

There was a sad smile on L's face when he answered.

"I don't think they would be too happy if we started to grope each other in front of them."

"Yeah, I don't think they would." Ryuzaki nodded and made a move to open the door. In the last moment Light grabbed his arm. "But Ryuzaki…"

"Yes?"

Without words, Light gathered him into a tight embrace, making the detective give a startled gasp. After a second he relaxed in Light's hold and returned it.

"I can't wait for the night," Light whispered into his ear.

"Me either," he heard a whispered answer. After another second Ryuzaki disentangled himself from his arms and sent him a quick smile.

"And now to work, Light-kun," he said and pressed the handle.

* * *

They grew more intimate every night. Usually Light was the more active side. L eagerly took everything that was given, but didn't start things himself. It seemed that he was waiting, giving the doubtful one an upper hand and space to back off. And in the end Light never backed off. Instead, every night he felt more at ease with what happened. Until, one night, the moment came. 

"Ryuzaki…" he murmured, lifting himself over L on his elbows. "Let's do it."

Ryuzaki tensed for a moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Light heard confidence in his voice. He really wanted it. Dammit, he longed for it.

L smiled. "All right."

They quickly, habitually, discarded the rest of their night clothes and eagerly plastered their naked bodies together. They rolled, and kissed, and touched. The coolness of the chain, touching their skin here and there, only emphasized their heat. This time Ryuzaki wasn't holding back, he didn't wait anymore. His lips and hands seemed hungry of Light. They were both equally frenzied and impatient. Light appreciated this change, but was also surprised.

"I wish you were a girl," he whispered at some moment.

"Would I be better for you then?" asked L between the kisses, no real concern in his voice.

_No!_ This sudden inside protest shocked him, making him realize that his words were nothing more than a cliché that sounded correct. He tried to imagine Ryuzaki as a girl and couldn't… didn't want to. Actually, the thought was unpleasant. If L was a girl, it wouldn't have been the same person, it wouldn't have been L. _And_ there wouldn't have been this slight perversity about this. And he had to admit it – this perversity turned him on even more.

"But I can't imagine myself playing the 'female' part," he whispered instead of answering.

L pulled back and for a moment regarded him seriously.

"That's all right," he finally said. "I don't mind playing the 'female' part."

With that everything was settled, the parts were split. What was left, was action. And they went on doing it.

* * *

Ryuzaki's finger traced Light's side, slowly, lazily, somewhat idly. His gaze followed it as if fascinated with the simple act. When it reached the line of the cover, it stopped and the detective's eyes moved up, meeting Light's. 

"I fear the moment we catch Kira," he spoke unexpectedly.

"Why?" Light asked.

"Because, if my predictions are correct, you will then become Kira again."

Light snorted irritably. Did this guy have to start this again? He couldn't be Kira, it was impossible. No… he could. Rationally thinking, he knew he could. The theory was consistent, even Kira's – the old Kira's – actions reminded Light of his own way of thinking. But he just didn't feel it. True, he sometimes thought along Kira's lines, but he would never be able to turn those thoughts into action. And it hurt him to the bone that Ryuzaki suspected him of being capable of something so inhuman.

"If you think I am such a monster, then why do you do this with me?" he asked bitterly.

"I don't think you are a monster, Light." L's voice was calm, almost gentle. "Not at this moment."

Not at this moment. Light smirked. On one hand it was comforting. On the other… he shook his head to chase away the gloomy thought.

This way or another, L had a reason to worry. The investigation was approaching conclusion. The circle of suspects was now reduced to a small group of Yotsuba and one of this group already cooperated with them. Establishing Kira's identity was a matter of days, they all felt it.

"So, what will you do once we catch the guy?"

"I don't know. I will question him. I will do my best."

"Do your best?"

Ryuzaki nodded. His finger moved along Light's side again. It reached the arm and slid down it. "To find out the truth."

"That I am Kira."

"If that's the truth, yes."

Light swallowed. "And what if I am?"

L closed his eyes and sighed deeply. For a long moment he didn't answer. Finally…

"I've been thinking about it. There are things… that make me wonder." The eyes opened and looked at Light again. It seemed like there was nothing special in them. It seemed like they were blank. But Light suddenly wanted nothing more than to reach for the detective and pull him close; to clutch him in his arms and never let go.

"If only I could save you, Light…" Ryuzaki whispered.


	2. Chapter 57: Two Choices

******Note:** Most of this chapter – thoughts and dialogues – has been rewritten from the manga (fan translation). The language of those fragments seems awkward to me, but since I wanted to stay true to the manga and I am not a native speaker, I avoided rewording it.

**

* * *

Chapter 57 (starting with page 90 of vol. 7 of the manga): Two Choices **

_November 5, 2004 _

Crack! A panda-shaped chocolate snapped under Ryuzaki's teeth while the detective's huge eyes stared blankly at the screens before him.

"From the instant that Amane became free…" he started thoughtfully.

"Ryuzaki, you're still thinking about that," Light interrupted. "Misa doesn't have anything to do with this. Even so, she was suspected of being the Second Kira. Even if she happened to have Kira's power, using it at a time like this would just be stupid."

"That's also true…" Ryuzaki admitted, reaching for another chocolate.

"As Light says, Ryuzaki, you should just forget about Amane." Soichiro Yagami backed his son. "'If the person using the note fails to write the names of people to be killed within thirteen days of each other, then the user will die.' We can see from this that Amane wasn't the Second Kira."

"Yeah," Aizawa nodded. "Ryuzaki, you're being stubborn in your reasoning and you keep trying to bring it over to your own way of thinking."

"Yes… I'm sorry." L's eyes half closed with tired determination. "Well, if there is another notebook and someone is using it, then I will most definitely capture that person."

Rem listened to this conversation with growing anxiety. It was clear that in spite of these words, Ryuzaki wasn't at all convinced to drop his suspicions about Misa. No wonder he was suspecting her, the premises were obvious. While the others were blinded by the 13-day rule, L was smart enough to see this fake proof as a contradiction.

Why did Misa continue killing, anyway? Like Light observed, it was sheer idiocy, it was like wearing a shirt with a statement: 'I am Kira'. Misa wasn't stupid… not half as smart as Light Yagami or L, but not stupid at all; she wouldn't have come out with such an idea herself. Did it mean that someone suggested it to her? The only person who could do it was Light. Rem's gaze shot to the teen. Was it possible? Why?

"However," the chief inspector mused, "just having your name written in the notebook can kill you. If it's just the killing of the criminals, then we can't look for them like we looked for Higuchi."

"That's true," Matsuda agreed.

"We know how they kill," Ryuzaki stated. "If anyone appears in the least suspicious, we will detain him or her and search him or her thoroughly for the notebook."

Light smiled wickedly at those words. As much as it escaped everyone else's attention, Rem watched him closely. _Light Yagami, are you thinking that you are safe now? _

"But Ryuzaki," the youth spoke, "the murderer's notebook… I believe in it as well, but if you were able to capture the person who was writing the names, will you be able to properly convict him as a mass murderer?"

"I cannot demonstrate it… without verifying the notebook. But that does not matter to me. If the case can be solved, then I will leave the rest up to the Ministry of Justice."

"No, wait, it should be a given that they would be convicted without having to test the notebook!"

"Matsuda, in order to do that, we would have to have a trial and put out the murderer's notebook as a proof for the law," Soichiro Yagami pointed out.

As always, Ryuzaki had a solution.

"If the murderer by notebook is recognized, at the very least, if we can't get the capital punishment, we would have them write their own name in the book. That's how it is. Well, that's a conversation we should have after we capture them. It's not something we should be thinking about right now."

Rem felt a shiver running though her body. It was as simple as it was brilliant. However, Light's secret smile didn't fade. It widened even more, and his shoulders stirred minimally as if in a suppressed smirk. Rem tilted her head. L had just found a way to test the Death Note and Kira was happy about it?

_What are you thinking, Light Yagami? If Misa is caught then you yourself will… _She stirred with a sudden realization. _So that's what it was. What a guy. The one who is killing the convicts right now is Misa. There is no doubt about that. Since the notebook has been revealed, no matter what happens from this point on, the one who will be caught as Kira will be Misa. That won't change… Light Yagami is confident that I will save Misa's life. The only way to save Misa in a situation like that would be for me to write Ryuzaki's name in the notebook. Killing Light Yagami isn't a solution, Misa cannot be saved. She will be driven more quickly into a corner. More than that, she will lose all will to live. On the other hand, if Ryuzaki disappears, the one who holds the power to run the headquarters would be Light and he can control the investigation in a way that would not lead to Misa. Even revealing everything I know now would most likely not make Misa's sin any lighter. Collusion will undoubtedly lead to capital punishment… _

_However, Light told me once not to kill Ryuzaki until he says so. So he can't assume that I will do it when not asked; that can't be his plan. Plus, if I kill Ryuzaki, wouldn't it be suspicious? I will die and they will most likely realize that I was the one who took his life. If Kira's shinigami suddenly kills the only person who suspects Misa, it might actually draw the others' suspicion to her instead of clearing her. Ryuzaki must die, that's the only option, but Light probably has his own plan how to do it without casting suspicions on Misa and himself. So… perhaps what he expects me to do is not kill Ryuzaki, but give him means to do it… Give him Ryuzaki's name. It's against the rules, but it's a lesser crime than saving Misa directly. Maybe this way I will save my own life as well. _

_Is that what you want me to do, Light Yagami? Even if it isn't, it's the best thing I can think of right now. Surely for Light it's much more convenient than if I killed L myself. _

* * *

His tea was cooling down, forgotten on the panel. Next to it, lay the notebook, their acquisition from the round-up, and it was at the moment attracting all L's attention. It was open – on a page from which a piece was cut off. Ryuzaki's mind was working at full speed. 

_There were things that were gained by talking to the shinigami, but the important parts that I wanted answers to were always 'I don't know'. When I asked if you could kill with a piece of paper that was cut out, the answer was again 'I don't know'. If you could kill people by writing on a cut-off piece of the notebook… It's not impossible… _

A picture appeared in his mind. Picture from the camera monitoring Light Yagami's room a few months ago. Light sitting at his desk. Studying. Writing. His hand reaching into the bag of chips now and again. Disappearing there for about three seconds every time. Three seconds to take a crisp?

_If you can do that, then if you are careful, you can kill everywhere and anytime. You could have even killed Higuchi at that spot… _

Another picture, a very fresh one. Him and Light in the helicopter. He didn't really observe his prime suspect all the time. Light had a chance to turn and scribble Higuchi's name on a little piece of paper he could hide positively everywhere… But that would mean that at that moment Light already had his memory back. So fast? How could that happen? When? Something had to stir it. Ryuzaki twitched. What if… what if it was touching the notebook? If it made you see a shinigami, it surely had some… supernatural impact. Maybe it could return your memories too. The piercing, horrified shriek Light gave out back then seemed something more than just a reaction upon seeing Rem. But that would mean – L's gaze found Light and he struggled to keep his face blank, as it suddenly wanted to twist – that would mean that he was already dealing with Kira again.

_However, if someone who has written in that notebook once does not write in it again within thirteen days, that person will die. The murderer's notebook… it's a given that it should have at least that much compensation… And Light Yagami and Misa Amane are still alive. Even if it's a cut-off piece of the notebook, if you write a name on it, the person with that name will die. But thirteen days… that's the only thing… _

It hurt to think that Light was Kira again, it hurt like hell. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to bring this case to the end. And to do that he had to act. Quickly.

* * *

Ryuzaki leaned to the comm-unit and pressed the button. 

"It doesn't matter which country. Let's negotiate with them. If we get the proper approval, there should be no problem. We will have them use this notebook in an execution."

A few gasps sounded in the room. The policemen, as expected, were shocked.

"You mean to test it?!" Soichiro Yagami exclaimed.

"Impossible. Even if you don't do that now, isn't the power of this notebook real?"

"In any case, who's going to write in it? Once you write in it, you'll have to continue doing it in a 13-day cycle for the rest of your life!"

L stared at the panel, without gracing them a glance. He looked slightly exasperated, but when he spoke, his voice was even. "The one who will write in the notebook will be the one who has at least thirteen days until their execution and if they are living after thirteen days, they will be absolved of their execution. That is the legal trade that we will make."

Rem watched the scene from the place where she stood, at the moment forgotten. She didn't like this turn of events the slightest bit… but she'd known this moment would come, hadn't she? The moment she would have to act. _If they do that, then the lie about thirteen days will come to light and the innocence of Misa will be doubted… If it is doubted, then the matter concerning the video, the notebook, the story of the eyes, the story of the shinigami… it will all lead back to her. _

Ryuzaki seemed unmoved by the commotion his actions caused in the room. He leaned to the comm again. "Watari, contact the heads of all the states which fit into that situation."

This time it was Aizawa, who raised the loudest protest.

"Ryuzaki! That's unreasonable. Wait. What do you plan by doing that right now?"

Actually it was very reasonable, but no one except for the detective seemed to acknowledge it.

"It would be a verification of the murderer's notebook, of course," Ryuzaki stated with the condescending patience that was reserved for dumb questions.

Rem moved towards the wall, trying to remain as inconspicuous and invisible as she had been for the last few minutes. If they continued to prod L with their unnecessary moral correctness, they should be distracted for a while longer. Five minutes at most – it was all she needed.

_There are no cameras in the private rooms, so it's easy for me to sneak out while no one is looking and leave Light a note… I will give you this name, Light Yagami, but I still hate you. The way you used Misa… if she wasn't so deeply in love in you, I would have simply killed you instead. _

With that, she stepped through the wall.

* * *

They received the answer just a couple of hours later. 

"Ryuzaki, all is settled," Watari announced over the comm. "Fortunately we don't have to look for help in another country. The Japanese government has allowed us to test the notebook here."

Light barely managed to stifle a gasp that threatened to escape him. His hand tightened on the panel as he struggled to keep his cool composure. This was happening fast. Too fast.

Next to him, Ryuzaki was eating some red jelly and spoke with his mouth full.

"Great. Have they already chosen the convict who will be writing in the notebook?"

"They have. He is due to be executed in exactly two weeks. The prisoner whose name will be written is scheduled to be executed tomorrow, exactly thirteen days before the scheduled execution of the writer-convict. So, not to shorten any of their lives, it was decided that we will run the test tomorrow."

"Good. You know the objectives, don't you?"

"Yes, I will settle everything as you told me."

"Thank you."

L disconnected and swiveled in his chair to face the others. Light turned around as well. The team stared at the detective, standing in one-line front as if they wanted to fight him. Ryuzaki looked at them, undisturbed by their silent defiance.

"As you heard," he spoke, "Watari managed to come to terms with the government and they agreed to test the Death Note the way we want to. Watari will take the notebook today and deliver it to the place where it will be tested. For safety reasons, only he and I will know the name of the convict who will write in the notebook. If in two weeks the man dies, I will publicly declare my mistake about suspecting Misa Amane. And it will be final, at least on my part. Are you satisfied with such an outcome?"

They murmured quietly between themselves. Their could-be protests were silenced by L's promise. Of course, they believed Misa was innocent, and the final confirmation from the grand detective was exactly what they needed.

Finally Light's father spoke up. "If that means that you drop your suspicions about Amane… and my son, then I suppose I can accept that."

"Yes, I will drop suspicions about your son as well, Yagami-san."

Aizawa nodded. "Then I agree to that too."

Matsuda nodded uncertainly, and Mogi remained silent. But he didn't protest. The mask on Light's face was perfect, but inside him rose panic. Dammit, what should he do? _Rem, don't you know that now is your part to play? _On impulse, he cast a glance at the shinigami— and was surprised by the look on her face. It wasn't unrest, or shock as he'd expected. It was self-assured calm. Rem nodded minimally at him and Light was momentarily flooded by relief. She knew.

* * *

**Author's note: **From this point the story splits. Version A (chapters 3 to 6) is the one I wrote first. It's simpler and more romantic. Version B (chapter 7 to 13) has in my opinion better (more complicated, more twisted) plot and is more in character. That's the version I consider main, so please read it first, otherwise version A may work as unnecessary spoiler. Sorry to make you jump like that, it's because – like I said – I wrote version A first. 


	3. Chapter 58 verA: Discovery

Version A was proofread by Mikitoru. Many thanks!

**

* * *

Chapter 58: Discovery **

He wasn't sure how he knew it, but he did. Some vague feeling when he entered his room made him stop in mid-step and look around. Someone was here, _she_ was here, it had to be it. Another feeling, or maybe it was a subconscious deduction, too quick to even realize it, made him sit at his desk and reach into the pocket of his jacket hanging over the chair. Bingo! Under his fingers he felt a piece of paper that certainly wasn't there before. He took the folded sheet out. He knew this texture, it was undoubtedly a piece of the Death Note. He felt a shiver of anxiety. Considering today's events it wouldn't be too good if she simply… Slowly, feeling his heart's accelerating beat, he opened the paper. He read it slowly, then nearly burst out laughing. He sat on the bed and read again, chuckling under his breath.

He wasn't sure how he knew it, but he did. Some vague feeling when he entered his room made him stop in mid-step and look around. Someone was here, was here, it had to be it. Another feeling, or maybe it was a subconscious deduction, too quick to even realize it, made him sit at his desk and reach into the pocket of his jacket hanging over the chair. Bingo! Under his fingers he felt a piece of paper that certainly wasn't there before. He took the folded sheet out. He knew this texture, it was undoubtedly a piece of the Death Note. He felt a shiver of anxiety. Considering today's events it wouldn't be too good if she simply… Slowly, feeling his heart's accelerating beat, he opened the paper. He read it slowly, then nearly burst out laughing. He sat on the bed and read again, chuckling under his breath. 

'Ryuzaki: L L a 2u l i e t, 2uatari: Q u i l l s h 2u a m m y'

What an irony. The Death Note didn't affect people whose names were misspelled. Which meant a misspelled name wasn't considered a name. Rem could always say to whomever supervised obeying the rules in the shinigami world, that by revealing the misspelled names she didn't really do anything forbidden… and the fact that he could easily read the real ones from it was a whole other story. She probably didn't have any other piece of paper at hand, so she used the error in two ways – not to kill Ryuzaki and Watari herself and to be able to use it as an excuse. _Clever, Rem, really clever._ He didn't even need this key-change in the name Watari to guess the right spelling. Plus, she was giving him a tool – a piece of the Death Note. That was exactly what he needed.

He couldn't stop chuckling. He read the name again, correcting it in his mind. L Lawliet. L – amazing, it was actually Ryuzaki's real first name. What a strange name for a person. Somehow… demeaning. Still, it could only be the true one. _L Lawliet, L Lawliet_ – he repeated it almost frenzily. _Nice to meet you, L, I am Kira._

_I could write it down even now, even at this moment. _But no, now he could do it right, he could do it the way to prove his innocence. His and Misa's, that is. And he wasn't in a hurry, he had time, two weeks. He could wait.

And in the meantime he could have some fun. He smiled at the thought, immediately making a decision. He already knew where he was going to spend the night.

* * *

He was glad to find Ryuzaki in his room when at ten o'clock he knocked at his door. The black haired youth poked his head through the crack. 

"Light…"

Light smiled inwardly, hearing that the '-kun' was still out. Since the moment he regained his memory a week ago, they didn't sleep together anymore. The cuffs had been taken off. Light was given his own room and didn't visit Ryuzaki in the night. Nor did Ryuzaki visit him. He knew that L hadn't ceased to suspect him, that his suspicion was now even stronger. Seeing each other in such a situation simply didn't seem right.

But now it no longer mattered. Or perhaps it was a goodbye?

"You asked me before why I wasn't spending time with Misa," he offered. "Well, here is your answer. I tried to feel for her, I felt that I _should_ reciprocate her love, that that would be right. More right than with you. After all, you are male. Lately, I even thought that I had managed to fall in love with her, but the truth is, when I meet her, I keep thinking of you. I can't get you out of my mind, Ryuzaki. I just can't stop feeling."

He felt a little disturbing twinge while saying that, that it wasn't all a lie, that actually most of it was true. Well, probably it was, but it didn't change a thing.

Ryuzaki stared at him with his huge, unblinking eyes, saying nothing.

"Sorry for telling you about my love for Misa so harshly," Light added. "For everyone else there's nothing between you and me. I had to pretend…"

"Yes, I know that."

"In spite of your suspicion about me… will you let me in, Ryuzaki?"

There was hesitation in L's eyes. And doubt. But then his chest moved in a deep sigh.

"In spite of my suspicion about you, Light, I could be your friend."

He pushed the door open and stepped aside. Light came in and closed it. For a moment they stood, facing each other. Light couldn't stop a wave of heat that ran through his body when he looked at the detective. Dammit, he wanted him. He wanted him so much.

He grabbed him in his arms, maybe even too violently, and locked their lips together. It was only a short moment before L recovered from the initial shock and returned the kiss fervently, wrapping his arms around Light's neck and tightening them almost painfully.

L's name, his _real_ name, replayed in Light's mind again and again.

* * *

"Ryuzaki," Watari spoke over the comm. "I've just received confirmation from the prison. Execution with the Death Note has run successfully. The convict who was chosen for this test died exactly 40 seconds after his name was written in the notebook." 

"Well," Soichiro Yagami commented over L's shoulder. "Looks like the power of the Death Note is real. This isn't very surprising after all."

"Yes." The detective nodded somewhat stiffly, gaze fixed on the monitor.

In the tension that suddenly fell over the room no one seemed eager to comment on that any further, so the subject was closed.

* * *

'Sends an e-mail to Light with all the data he has of the convict who has been chosen to write in the Death Note. 

Destroys all the evidence that such an e-mail has been sent. Doesn't say a word about it to anyone.

Dies…'Light stopped writing and stared at the paper, then raised his gaze on an early-evening sky. The building of the headquarters loomed dark and high over the other skyscrapers. He sat on a bench in a nearby park. Somehow he hadn't felt like writing conditions of L's death in that building, so he had used a pretext of going shopping and gone out.

So. What date should he choose? He could make Ryuzaki die after the 13-day rule demonstration, but with everyone knowing that Kira could postpone the date of the victim's death, there was no point in doing that. He could not overcome limitations imposed by the Death Note so if people were to think that L was killed by Kira, they would, this way or another. Moreover, having L under the effect of the Death Note for so long was risky. Something uncontrollable could happen – Light wasn't sure how L would act in such circumstances, he could say or show something, someone could notice. No, he should make Ryuzaki die just after sending those e-mails.

'…half an hour later,' he finished writing.

He smiled. Now it was child's play. Having received the convict's name he would kill him or her in due time, confirming everyone of his innocence. If the true scenario occurred to someone by some means, he would say that there was no way for him to kill Ryuzaki since he didn't know his name. Of course he didn't know it, the only creature among them that did, could not reveal it. And with L dead, everyone would promptly accept it.

He was not going to put Kira's signature on L's death, either. The more natural it looked like, the greater chance that the others would think it was a mere accident. That of course meant he would have to leave Watari alive, but he hadn't considered killing the old man in the first place. Although he was quite sharp, without his charge-employer he seemed harmless. In any case, no one would listen to him. Light twirled the pen between his fingers, considering possible ways of L's demise. It took him just a moment before the right idea presented itself in his head. He chuckled under his breath. Who said Kira couldn't have a sense of humor? He wrote the cause of death over the conditions: 'Suffocation. Chokes on a candy.'

Now, the only thing that was left to add was the name and the exact time. He looked at the blank space at the top of the sheet and put his pen there. His hand stayed still for a moment… and then for another. An image of Ryuzaki in his arms suddenly surfaced in his mind.

_What are you doing? What have you been doing for all those months? How can it be right? It's outright evil! _A thought like a sting in his heart. He silenced it immediately. What the hell was that? Some sudden flood of his old weak self? The self that had felt sick after killing the first people? The self that had replaced him for the time being when he'd forfeited the note? Why did it come out all of a sudden? Because of Ryuzaki?

He shook his head, recovering completely, and looked at the white paper again. Maybe he could wait after all. He didn't have to do it this evening. Not yet. He could do it tomorrow. Or the day after. There still was time. No need to hurry.

He took a deep breath. All right, he'd allow Ryuzaki to live for two or three more days. Just that much and no more. However, with all those details already written, he had to be careful. He tore the sheet into a few smaller pieces and opened the compartment in his watch. He stuffed inside as much paper as he could, putting the note about Ryuzaki on top, and pushed the plate in place.

He rose from the bench, took the shopping bag, and strolled towards headquarters. Passing the trash can, he threw the rest of the sheet away.

_Am I postponing killing him because I like him? _He sighed. That wasn't impossible. He had to admit that he did enjoy spending time with Ryuzaki. Talking with him. Making love to him. They'd been lovers for almost three months and it was good. With no one else before had he felt so good. With no one else had he understood so well.

_Killing you will be a pain, L. I admit that I don't want to do it. If only you weren't after me we could have so much fun. Well, my killing was never selfish. It's not about having fun, it's about creating a better world. And with that, I can't let you live. But I will truly miss you. I will. _

_

* * *

Three days later _

This night he did it again. He tried to kill his enemy, but instead he stuffed the deadly piece of paper back into his watch and went to the enemy's room to make love to him. And L welcomed him like every night before.

Their lovemaking was as hot as ever, but afterwards there was mostly silence between them. Ryuzaki didn't touch the subject of him being Kira anymore – there was no point in talking about it, really; and Light was paralyzed with the thought that one of these nights will be their last. Chit-chatting in such a situation somehow didn't seem appealing.

But even in spite of that, they were unable to just part. They lay in the grim darkness of the room, immersed in their own gloomy thoughts, but even then their bodies clung together tightly. Light looked at the thin white arm draped around his chest and wanted to slide his finger along it to feel its smoothness. He saw the black unruly mop rested on his shoulder and felt the strands tickling his chin and lips. His hand lay on L's pale side and in spite of its skinniness, the sensation of those rough curves under his palm made his head spin.

He feared the morning, because the morning was followed by noon and evening, and in the evening he would be back in his room and free to write his enemy's name again.

_

* * *

Four days later _

A pair of black-rimmed eyes watched her curiously, while the owner of these eyes stuffed a forkful of cake into his mouth. He took his time to chew, then swallowed.

"So," he said, "shinigami know the name of a person just by looking at their face."

"Yes."

"So you know the names of all of us here."

She hesitated for a split second. "Yes."

"Could you kill us?"

"That's what shinigami do. Of course I could."

The detective was silent for a few moments, taking another bite and chewing thoughtfully, while his head tilted and his eyes wandered from Rem to the ceiling and back.

"Do shinigami also need to see a human's face to kill him or her?"

She didn't like the direction this questioning was taking. He clearly aimed to know how shinigami killed. And with that he could find out about… But to this she couldn't reply 'I don't know'.

"Yes, they do."

"So, it seems that shinigami's way of killing resembles the one of a human with a notebook. If there are plenty of such notebooks in the shinigami realm, that means you use them to kill. Isn't that so? Isn't it the shinigami's way of killing?"

Just as she feared. Straight to the point. She glanced at Light, hoping to find some answer on his face. Why hadn't he killed Ryuzaki yet? That was certainly not good. The detective was driving her into a corner and she couldn't evade it.

What's stopping you, Light Yagami? What are you waiting for?

Light wasn't looking at her. And he wasn't smiling. A few times before she'd seen a smile on his face when he thought no one was looking. Now this smile was gone. Now it seemed it was replaced by… frustration? Something on his face was tensed. A frown hardly ever left it. He avoided her gaze. What was wrong?

"Rem, I asked you a question." L's voice brought her back from her musings. "Do shinigami need a notebook to kill?"

"…Yes, they do."

"Then you have to have such a notebook with you."

This evoked a reaction in Light, who looked at Ryuzaki sharply. Others also glanced in their direction. Someone gasped, all murmurs and clicking on the keyboards stopped in one moment, and the whole room's attention was instantly focused on her. Light opened his mouth as if to say something, but eventually remained silent. Rem clenched her fist angrily.

"Yes, I do have it." She heard anger in her voice as well.

Someone murmured something. Then someone else spoke. "Then you should give it to us."

"I cannot do it. I am confined to this notebook as it is to me. I cannot give it to anyone."

"Rem." It was Light. Finally. She really hoped for some resolution now. "Can a shinigami give a human a name of another human? Could you reveal our names to anyone?"

"That's against shinigami's rules."

Ryuzaki's eyes shifted smoothly to the youth. "Good question, Light-kun. I wonder how it occurred to you that shinigami could _not_ reveal a human's name."

"Well, we all heard there are many rules shinigami have. Most of them seem to concern shinigami remaining neutral towards what happens among humans." It was a good answer. Luckily Light was still using his brain. "I thought this could be another restriction."

"Yes, you are correct." Ryuzaki looked back at Rem. He regarded her, head again tilted, one toe scratching against another for a few seconds. "Then can a shinigami kill a human on request of another human?"

"That's against the rules as well. Shinigami generally don't help humans. They only hang with them if they are connected to the notebook a human picked up."

There was an overall sigh of relief that ran through the room, and the team turned their attention away, coming back to their tasks.

But L didn't give up. "However," he said, putting a thumb to his lip. "Every rule can be contrived. Like… shinigami can kill any human they want, right? So they can always say that regardless of the request, they wanted to kill this human anyway."

With growing frustration, Rem resolved for her evading phrase once again. "I don't know. I never thought about it this way."

* * *

Light slid to the floor next to his bed, resting his back against it. He looked helplessly at the creased piece of paper. 'Sends an e-mail… Destroys all the evidence… Dies…' The sheet was worn-out from being taken out of the watch every evening, unfolded, crumpled in hands then folded again. And there was still no name on it. Every night… he'd been unable to write it. And it was really high time. He really _had_ to do it tonight… and again found himself powerless. He put the pen in place yet another time. And yet another time his hand didn't move. When he struggled to move it, images emerged in his head instead. Images of Ryuzaki dying, sliding down from his chair, thumping against the floor, shaken with death tremors… lifeless. And those visions filled him with dread, made him sick, very sick. He couldn't make it happen. He couldn't imagine himself _without_ Ryuzaki. And that was the scariest thing. What was it? Had he fallen in love? With a guy? It was ridiculous! It couldn't be. 

_You idiot_, he told himself, _you will soon be separated from him anyway. If you don't kill him now, you'll meet your fate in prison in no time. If you don't kill him, you'll be the one dead. _

And another voice: _And so what? What's the point in all that? What do I care if he can't be in my perfect world with me? _It was completely irrational. It was egoistic, driven by his personal needs and emotions and thus, it was against everything Kira believed in and fought for. And yet, this voice was louder.

_You'll ruin everything you achieved so far. You'll ruin all Kira's work. _

And the other, unbearable voice returned: _Maybe that's even better._

He had never loved anyone. He had no idea that feelings towards another person could be so strong. So strong that they made you weak, that they positively disabled you. Hell, he could imagine killing his own family. It was unpleasant, but it wasn't revolting. But L… L was his only equal. Without him nothing made sense.

He gave out a frustrated growl. His hand fell to the floor, the pen rolled out of it onto the carpet. His head dropped to his knees and he wept.

I can't do it, dammit. I won't do it! So simple, how ironic. That's over.

_

* * *

Next day, November 15, 2004 _

Rem really wished shinigami had some telephatic connection with their human owners. L's questions dug deeper and deeper and she knew she wouldn't be able to evade the truth much longer. Any minute she expected a slip. She could of course avoid the answer, she could say 'I don't know', she could even lie, only that with L it didn't work. He drew conclusions from the lack of answer, he drew conclusions from a lie. She felt that he already knew everything and the only thing he needed was to confirm his theories and prove them in front of the others. Which might happen any minute now.

He stopped questioning her for now. He ate a cake, talking to Watari over the comm. Light was sitting in front of his computer, looking somewhat slumped. The others gathered at the table, debating something concerning the case, but nothing too reasonable came out of that. At this moment no one was paying any special attention to her.

Her gaze went back to Light. That damned bastard. Why wasn't he doing anything? What did he _think_ he was doing? And what should _she_ do? At this moment Rem hated Light more than ever.

Should she kill L? Since Light for some reason hadn't done it, it seemed the first rational thing to do, however… Another idea kept nudging her and the more she thought about it, the more it seemed tempting.

What if…

Considering that L probably already knew everything… did it really matter if she told him? It _would_ stop the questioning for sure. And if she demanded that nobody else hear their conversation it would be of no harm. Would it? And maybe it would force Light to finally act.

It seemed such a desperate and stupid decision at first that it gave her the creeps. To tell L that Misa was the Second Kira… But then, there were other things concerning the Death Note he couldn't have possibly guessed. Things that perhaps needed to be said. Things that might help Misa after all. She _wanted_ him to hear them.

She opened her mouth hesitantly. It was still an effort to say that.

"I would like to talk to Ryuzaki." she offered. There was a loud gasp that escaped a few throats at the same moment. All gazes instantly locked on her again. She met Light's eyes, wondering what she'd find there, but his face was unreadable. "In private," she added. "With no cameras and sound recorders. Only me and him."

"But it would be worthless as a testimony then!" Matsuda screamed.

"That's exactly what the shinigami means, Matsuda-san," Ryuzaki returned. "It _is_ supposed to be of no value as a testimony, isn't that so, shinigami? But that's already an important hint for us. It means that she is hiding something." He smiled at her and at that moment she realized her mistake. Again. He drew conclusion from something most people wouldn't even notice. Still, they could use it in no way.

"Like I said, no cameras, no other recorders," she repeated, ignoring his remark. "Only in such conditions will I speak."

Light went positively white on his face. He bit his bloodless lip while his hand clenched on the armrest of his chair.

"And even if it is of no value, it might help me choose the right course of action," Ryuzaki added, getting up. "All right, Rem, I accept your condition. We will move to the other room, it isn't under surveillance. If you wish, you can check it for yourself, but I give you my word." He motioned at her and headed for the door floppily. "Shall we?"

She moved after him. At the last moment her eye caught a sight of Light, sinking into the cushions of the sofa and hiding his head in his hands as if in despair. In spite of herself she felt a twinge of vicious satisfaction. _Yes, Light Yagami, what will you do now?_

* * *

Ryuzaki sat on the sofa and reached for a cup of tea Watari had prepared with lighting speed. He looked at the grayish creature in front of him. 

"You do realize that once we come out of here, I will pass them everything you intend to tell me."

"Yes. But I won't repeat any of these and they already think that you are biased. Without a witness or a record and with your attitude, your words won't be taken into account."

He nodded, fully aware that she was right. Otherwise she would probably never decide to speak. His toe scratched against another nervously. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear what he thought he would. He could feel his heartbeat accelerating, his breath getting shallow. Excitement or fear?

"So, shinigami," he started, his voice surprisingly calm. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Light Yagami is Kira. Misa Amane is the Second Kira. That is true, as well as the fact that Higuchi was also Kira for a while and that Kira's power is transferable. All your theories about it are right. Now Light and Misa are back in their roles. However it is Light Yagami who should be considered the mastermind of all this. Misa is just his pawn, just as Higuchi was."

L sighed heavily. He lowered his eyes, meeting his own murky gaze reflected in the tea. Its surface was slightly wrinkled – his hand was shaking. Triumph or despair?

"And that is not all," the shinigami continued. "I gave Light Yagami your name and a piece of the Death Note. He might kill you any minute."

He stirred abruptly, the cup falling from his shaky hand. The hot liquid spilled on the cushions of the sofa and on his pants. He barely registered the pain.

"When?"

"A few days ago."

"Why do I still live?"

"I don't know. By all means, he should have already killed you. I admit I hoped for it."

"Why?"

"Because I care for Misa. I don't think she deserves what awaits her once she is convicted. I am talking to you now because I hope you will consider what I have to say and save her."

Ryuzaki closed his eyes. "Or that Light will finally feel cornered enough to kill me, isn't that so?"

"Yes, it is."

He took another breath, trying to calm his racing heart, but it didn't work. If that was so, then any moment now could be his last. He should leap up and rush to the other room, demanding to have Light Yagami locked up again, hoping that it wasn't too late. Because it could be too late, couldn't it? It wasn't impossible that he was already on a straight way to his end, Light could control him and…

"Rem, are people who are controlled by the Death Note aware that something is wrong? Do they feel that they are being controlled? Do they remember their actions?"

"They remember but try to rationalize it in some way. Or they forget if the situation requires them so. But if you are trying to guess if you are being controlled, I can tell you that you aren't. Apart from your name, I can see your lifespan, and it hasn't changed. But I want you to know I will not give you another chance to talk to me. If you decide to leave now, you won't hear anything of what I have to say."

"Is there anything I don't know yet?"

"Yes, there are a few things like that."

Clever, this shinigami was, putting him in a wedge like that. Which was his first duty as a detective? To risk his life to this extent in order to find out as much as possible or to preserve his life to give himself a better chance to finish this case with other means? He clenched his hand on his calf to make it finally stop shaking.

Yet, since he was still alive…

"Those things you have to say, Rem, they are to help Misa, right?"

"Yes, that is right."

"Can they help Light as well, or will they only incriminate him further?"

Rem's only visible eye examined him for a short moment.

"They can help him as well," she said.

He sighed, feeling his head spin. "All right, shinigami, I am listening to you."

She nodded and regarded him with a strange look for another minute.

"It is claimed that finding a Death Note is a great misfortune for a human. It is so, because of that notebook they lose their true self. There were several cases in the past of people owning a Death Note and as far as I know only one of them, after initially testing it, decided it was wrong and never wrote in it again."

"I see."

He gnawed at his thumb, considering it. Actually, he wasn't surprised. He had been thinking about it himself, seeing how Light and Misa both changed all of a sudden back then, when they lost their memories. But Rem's words were quite a revelation. Only one person in the history of the Death Note owners resisted killing, all the others used the notebook… Quite right, none of the three people he knew that owned it were able to resist it. That in itself was puzzling. As much as someone like Higuchi wouldn't surprise him as a potential murderer, Misa completely didn't fit the picture. He remembered the sweet girl she was when she lost her memories. Sure, somewhat obsessive, trying to pose as dark (which didn't work the slightest bit), but all in all she was just a young, cheerful, carefree, and completely harmless girl. Would someone like that kill a single person if something hadn't affected them? It also cast a bit more scientific light on the fact of losing the memories. If detaching from the notebook was a psychological shock, it could indeed result in memory loss.

"So, what you are saying is: please, pardon Misa, it was not her doing, it was the notebook, right?"

"Yes. You could say that."

"But you can't say that a Death Note owner doesn't have control over their own mind, can you? After all, one person did resist it."

"No. They are not insane. They do control their actions. They _can_ resist killing, but the impact of the Death Note is a fact, and you can clearly see that the norm is different for a Death Note owner."

"Yes, the norm is becoming a murderer," he murmured thoughtfully.

He was calmer now. He brushed the wet cushions with his sleeve and bent down to the carpet to pick up the cup. He filled it again, while another question formed in his mind.

"Those past owners of the notebook… do you know whom and how much they killed? Were they killing like Light?"

She shook her head. "No, I've never heard of anyone killing like Light Yagami. Mostly they just killed out of personal interests – their enemies, people who stood in their way, people whose death could bring them profits or simply people they didn't like."

"Did they kill repeatedly?"

"Yes, all of them. Usually a few times during the whole period of owning a notebook, when need arose. In fact Misa and Higuchi also killed egoistically. Misa wanted to impress Kira and gain his love, and Higuchi acted as Kira only because it was Light's condition for him to be able to use the notebook for his own purposes."

L looked at Rem curiously. "Light's condition? How come?"

"As I said, although Kira's power was shared between the three of them, it is Light who is the true mastermind of this."

For the next several minutes he listened about the details of the devious plan Light hatched to mislead the investigators. It was scary how far-sighed this plan was and how exactly the reality followed. Yes, it couldn't be denied – if there was one true Kira, it was Light. Ryuzaki felt a strange sting at this realization, almost a physical pain right under his ribs. Suspecting it, even to the point of certainty, was something different from actually hearing it.

"Light Yagami is exceptional in the way he is killing," Rem continued. "On one hand his intentions are good. He is the only one who is not being egoistic in it. I saw what Higuchi did, I heard much of the others, and I can assure you, some people are really disgusting. Light believes that he serves a higher goal, that he is creating a better world. On the other hand, no one before him had become a mass murderer."

"Yes." Ryuzaki murmured, his gaze fixed numbly on the cushions between his thumb toes. "A mass murderer." There was no other way to call it and no way to avoid admitting it. Light Yagami, the man he'd come to… love? _was_ a mass murderer. He sighed hard and allowed himself one more moment of mourning, before blinking to shake off the stupor. There were still questions he needed to ask and at the moment time was his greatest enemy. He looked up at Rem.

"So there is one other Death Note in the human world, and it's in Misa's possession, right?"

The shinigami nodded.

"Is it the only notebook except for the one we have in here?"

"I do not know anything about more notebooks that are at the moment owned by a human. I am pretty sure that there aren't any."

He frowned, staring at his reflection in the tea again. Would this information be enough for the team to search Misa's flat? If not, he still had Watari. But… what if Misa was using the sheets while the rest of the notebook was still hidden? The girl was tough, she might not want to reveal the hiding place. He had to retrieve this other Death Note, that was his priority, even over catching her. And in that case…

"Rem, tell me where exactly Light hid that notebook. The place has to be characteristic so that it was possible to go back there."

"Why? It's not there anymore."

"Just tell me, please."

The shinigami's bony shoulders moved up and down, but then she described him the spot and its bearings. And just as she finished speaking, she suddenly wobbled. A tremor ran though her body, shaking her skeletal limbs, and the projections on her shoulders started… falling apart. He stared at it incredulously. It suddenly looked as if she were made of sand that was too dry to hold the shape.

"Rem? Shinigami, what's happening?"

The answer was even more surprising, uttered with something that looked like a smile.

"It looks like I saved her aft–" Her jaw fell off its hinges, her nose broke off, then her head and the rest of her body followed, crumbling and breaking away, until all that was left of her was the mound of dust.

He stood up and took a hesitant step towards it.

"Oh–" he managed. "What…?" He couldn't even find words. Articulating seemed silly. What had just happened? What did those last words mean? Could it be Light? Did it mean that he would now follow? But nothing was happening. And could a human kill a shinigami? Hardly possible. If it was so, Light would have most likely killed Rem earlier… But maybe… No, he didn't understand. Guessing without premises was pointless.

He blinked when he noticed a little black object sticking out of Rem's leftovers. It looked like… he came up closer. A notebook. A _Death Note_. Yes, didn't she say that shinigami were carrying those things? Funny that it wasn't destroyed with her. He bent down to it on impulse, but then stopped. If he picked it up, would he become its owner? He didn't want to become an owner of such a thing. And even if he gave up his ownership he would lose his memories… wouldn't he? He couldn't allow himself to lose anything he heard here. Someone else would have to take it.

He scratched his head, wondering what to do. There were still many questions he wanted to ask the shinigami, like confirming his suspicions about the other false rules in the notebook. Even if only because of that, Rem's… death was very unfortunate.

Slowly, hesitantly, he moved to the door, turning a few times to glance back. There was no other way than to simply tell the others.


	4. Chapter 59 verA: Questions

**Chapter 59: Questions**

When he entered the main room, everyone leapt up from their places, all attention immediately shifting to him. No, not all attention. Light didn't get up, he was sitting like he had when Ryuzaki and Rem were leaving. Back facing the door, elbows rested on his knees, head slumped…

"And? What did the shinigami tell you?" It was of course Soichiro Yagami who voiced the question first. Ryuzaki sighed, unable to tear his eyes from Light. As if feeling this, the youth finally turned his head and returned his gaze.

"She told me that Light Yagami is Kira and Misa Amane is the Second Kira. She is the one who kills at the moment," he said in a hollow voice. "She also told me that Light-kun knows my name and that is why I must insist on detaining him again."

A few loud exhalations followed that.

"But that's ridiculous!" Matsuda exclaimed.

Soichiro Yagami instantly found himself in front of Ryuzaki and grabbed him by his arms. L didn't try to defend himself when the chief inspector shook him violently. "How dare you? You are lying! You made it up because you can't admit your failure. Drop it, Ryuzaki!"

"If Light-kun were Kira and knew your name, you would have been dead already," Aizawa observed.

"Yes, and where is this shinigami anyway?" Mogi added.

Luckily the chief finally stopped shaking him, so Ryuzaki was able to speak without a wobble in his voice.

"You are right, Aizawa-san. Let it serve as a premise against my words, but still… As for the shinigami, she is… I guess you can call it dead." At this, Light's eyes widened abruptly. He looked surprised, but it seemed there was some recognition in his face, while the others' faces were simply dumbfounded, just like he knew his had been just a few minutes ago. L noted that and continued. "I don't know what happened. She suddenly started falling apart, changed into dust. She is… her leftovers are in the other room. Along with her Death Note."

There was a long silence in the room, everyone completely still as if the time stopped. Finally Watari's voice spoke over the comm.

"Should I pick up the Death Note, Ryuzaki?"

"Yes, please do, Watari. But be careful. Best try not to touch it, although I don't know if it makes any difference." His eyes never left Soichiro Yagami when he said it and when Watari disconnected, he took on. "I am really very sorry Yagami-san, I would never lie to you about something like this. I know my words are by no means a proof, especially with Rem… absent, but for the safety of all of us I really must request to have your son detained. There are only four days left before the 13-day rule will be tested. If the convict doesn't die, it will mean that the shinigami lied to me for some reason. But until that time we can't say for sure that Light-kun is innocent. Considering this and Rem's testimony I have every reason to request his detention."

Soichiro took a step back, still looking staggered. After a few instants of confused silence Mogi spoke uncertainly.

"Technically, Ryuzaki is right. After all, these are only four days. Comparing to fifty days, it's nothing. They… maybe it's not a right thing to say, but they won't make much difference."

The chief shook his head slowly. "I don't agree to that." However, he didn't sound so forceful anymore.

And then Light spoke. His voice was quiet and a little muffled by his hands, as he again had his face hidden in them. "It's all right, dad. Ryuzaki is right. By all means I should be detained."

There was some strange note in his voice. Failure. Resignation. Helplessness. And stifled rage. Soichiro shot his son a glance.

"What are you saying, Light? Why are you agreeing to this? You already suffered enough."

But Light's only answer was: "I am sorry, dad."

The chief's face turned into pure horror. He dashed towards the youth, grabbing him by his shoulders and yanking him up.

"Are you admitting to being Kira? Tell me that's not true. Tell _him _that's not true!"

"I am sorry…" Faintly.

"Are you Kira then, Light-kun?" Matsuda whispered.

Light shook his head. But again, the only words that left him were: "I am sorry. That's all I have to say."

Soichiro didn't release him, his hands clenched convulsively on his son's shoulders. "He didn't plead guilty," he murmured, eyes fixed on Light. "You heard it clearly, he didn't."

Ryuzaki stared at the chief inspector and could see his despair. Despair that struck him to the bone and stayed there like a sting. Did a father deserve something like this? Especially a father like Soichiro Yagami.

"No, he didn't," he admitted.

During the next few minutes Light was stripped of all his personal belongings. Barefooted, only in his pants and shirt that have been searched thoroughly, he was handcuffed and walked to the cell block by Aizawa. When the door closed behind them Ryuzaki allocated orders:

"Mogi-san, please, search Light-kun's room. Make sure to be very thorough. Matsuda-san, look through the things Light had on him." He pointed at the items gathered on the table: watch, wallet, cell phone, a pack of tissues, pen and two sheets of paper – he examined those more closely but they clearly weren't a part of the Death Note; no, Light wouldn't be so stupid as to keep something like this in his pocket. And finally shoes and socks. "What we are looking for are first and foremost pieces of the Death Note, but also anything that seems suspicious. Yagami-san, for you I don't have any requests right now." Soichiro Yagami nodded stiffly, still clearly burning inside and trying to contain it. "Please, try to relax. I hope this time you won't demand to be detained as well. It really won't take long."

Soichiro murmured something incomprehensible under his breath, but he took a sit and stared at the floor with a blank gaze. L decided to take it that the chief decided to remain with the team after all. He turned to Matsuda, who was already examining Light's wallet.

"Matsuda-san, can I have your cell phone for a moment?"

The young man blinked, surprised, but produced his mobile and handed it to Ryuzaki without a word. He was probably already used to it. While the others got down to work, L found Misa's number and pressed the connect button, wondering just what on earth he was doing.

* * *

Aizawa sat him on the bench and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"I don't think we need to restrain your legs this time. We know how Kira kills and you don't have a pen or paper in the first place." And after a moment of hesitation. "I am very sorry, Light."

Light was unable to raise his gaze on the man.

"It's alright, Aizawa-san."

"I really hope Ryuzaki is wrong."

"Yes, I know." _But you will be disappointed._ "I think you should go now and join the team in what they are doing."

Aizawa nodded and left, locking the door behind him. Only now did Light dare to look up. He glanced at the camera in front of him. Little red light beside the lens signaled that it was on. Of course it was on. He smirked under his breath.

_Why didn't I simply admit that I am Kira? Am I still deluding myself that I can escape punishment? I might as well have said it aloud. 'Yes, dad, I am Kira.' _He felt a pang of pain at that. No, those words simply couldn't make it through his throat. He shuddered at the memory of the most nasty feeling he had in the main room just a few minutes ago. Looking into his father's pleading eyes, unable to admit his guilt, but unable to deny it either. All he was able to do was to keep repeating 'I am sorry'. _So ridiculous, so pathetic. Or maybe I would have admit it if it wasn't for Rem. She died… Which means that she saved Misa. And if that is so, perhaps there is a chance for me as well. If there only is a chance… _And the other, mocking voice in his head countered viciously: _Or she cleared Misa of blame by shifting it all on you._

A bitter chuckle rose in his chest, but he stifled it there. Certainly, that didn't matter. If it is proved that he is Kira, no matter what amount of guilt would be ascribed to him, the punishment would be the same.

* * *

Misa wrote the last name down, checked whether she didn't miss or misspell anything and put the sheets into the drawer of her bedside table. She took a deep relaxing breath then reached for the latest issue of 'World Fashion'. 

Ryuk, sprawled on the windowsill with one leg dangling over the floor, chuckled in his mocking manner. "So easily switching from subject to subject, eh, Misa?"

"What Misa is doing, Misa is doing for Light," she countered resolutely. "I punished criminals for him and now I'll dress up for him. See? Misa is not shifting subjects at all."

The shinigami shrugged lightly, chuckled again and returned to staring out of the window, while Misa returned to the magazine.

She quickly ran her gaze through the contests and chose the article presenting this winter's underwear trends. She focused her attention on pictures, ignoring the text, wondering in which of the sets Light would like her best. Well, she could afford a few of those, she didn't have to limit herself to one.

She really hoped for the best with Light now. One of these days her knight will get rid of L and will finally be free to spread his wings as Kira. He won't have to watch out for all those policemen and will be able to spend more time with her. They will get together for good, they'll finally become lovers. She needed to prepare beforehand. He loved her so much…

She focused her attention on the most sexy-looking black lace lingerie, trying to imagine herself wearing it, when one of the mobiles in the row gracing the bedside table started ringing. She looked at the number. Matsuda. What did that guy want? He wasn't her manager anymore, she didn't need him to interrupt her, she had much more important things to do. Nevertheless she picked up.

"What do you want, Matsuda?" she chirped in one of her non-too-sweet tones.

But instead of Matsuda's, other voice spoke up. "Misa-san, it's Ryuzaki."

L? She jumped on her bed sitting up straight, as if the one on the other side could see her. Why did that guy call her all of a sudden? Did something happen?

"What is it, Ryuzaki?"

"Misa-san, I want to inform you that Light-kun has been once again detained under the charge of being Kira. Thereby you are again suspected of being the Second Kira and we intend to detain you as well."

What?! Before he finished the first sentence her heart was already pounding like a hammer. Light detained? How could that happen? Everything seemed to be going so well…

"What do you mean under the charge?" she screamed. "On what basis?"

"The basis is a testimony. That is all you need to know. But I can assure you that this time the detention will last no longer than a few days. After that time we will most likely bring this case to the end and your guilt or innocence will be finally determined."

"I thought we were already cleared!"

"Not yet, Misa-san." And after a short pause: "What I want you to do now is give yourself in our hands along with your Death Note."

She gasped with disbelief. Just how insolent he was? Did he think she was so stupid as to fall into something as simple as that?

"You moron," she screamed into the receiver. "How can I bring you something I don't have?! And even if I had it, why would I do it?"

"Because, Misa-san, this way you will help Light-kun and yourself a great deal." Ryuzaki's voice was still composed. Did that guy ever get angry? That dirty pervert, he probably sat before the screen right now and reveled in watching her Light incapacitated. "And as for the notebook, personally I am 100 percent certain that it is in your possession, even if you don't have it with you at the moment. Think what would have happened if I sent the men to arrest you, instead of calling you and asking for your cooperation." Misa inhaled sharply when she imagined that. Indeed… "But I agree that no one would so willingly plead guilty. So let's say you don't have the Death Note after all. However, I know where it is hidden. I'll give you the bearing of that place and you will just go there and retrieve it. Okay? At least this will be the official version. We will then arrest you as a suspect in the Kira case, but we still won't have a proof."

Misa's mind was working like crazy as she tried to analyze those words. Could it be a trap? Did he mean to trick her into saying or doing something she shouldn't?

"Remember, Misa-san, Light is waiting for you here," he added. "With your cooperation we might even be able to save you both."

Something clicked in place. "To save Light…" she echoed faintly.

Ryuk who'd been hovering over her for a while, drawn by this conversation, leaned closer to her and rumbled: "Mind me, Misa, he never told you _how _it would help Light."

She frowned at this remark, but eventually ignored the shinigami. If she refused to cooperate, L would surely send his men. Of course she could take the Death Note sheets and run away, but in the long term it wouldn't do her any good. On the other hand, if Ryuzaki gave her instructions, she could always say she just followed them, they couldn't use it against her. And if it could help Light… She would make Light proud of her, she would save him. Besides, she wanted to stay with him no matter what. Free or under arrest. She wanted to stay beside him.

"Alright," she stated decisively. "Misa will find the notebook for you and come to you with it. But you better keep your promise about helping, otherwise Misa will make you regret it."

_Ugh, if I only remembered the name of that bastard!_

"I fear to think how you could do it, Misa-san," he returned solemnly. "Very well then. Listen to me very carefully, I will now describe you the place."

Before he started, she pressed the recording button in her phone. If it was a trap, she would have a proof that it was him who told her about the hiding place. And when five minutes later he disconnected, first thing she did was choose Light's number. Oh no, she wasn't going to fall into any trap. No way.

But the voice that sounded in the receiver wasn't Light's.

"No, Misa-san, it's still me," said L with just a minimal note of exasperation. "Light-kun is really in detention."

Instantly an image appeared before her eyes: Ryuzaki's dirty mug, and a fist smashing his nose. Preferably Light's fist. Or her own.

"Aww, screw you!" she hissed.

"I assume our deal still stands."

"Yeah, it stands." With that she furiously punched the disconnect button and tossed the mobile on the bed. It bounced twice and nearly fell to the floor.

"Bastard! Mean, mean bastard!"

Ryuk hummed in his throat excitedly. "Kuku. It's getting really hot. So what are you going to do, Misa?"

"What do you think I'm gonna do, idiot? I'll do what they want. I have to help Light!"

Ryuk left it without a comment and floated towards to the tray of apples displayed on the table. He picked one and took a big bite, while Misa thought furiously, crumpling the hem of her mini skirt.

"Ryuk," she spoke after a while. "You can part with the Death Note you are connected to, right? It's not that you are bound to it."

"No, I am more bound to the notebook owner than to the notebook. But when the owner tells me to leave, I can leave. Although I should generally stay close anyway to be able to come back every time the owner needs me."

"Good, because I don't want you to show up to them. They only asked me to give them the notebook. I don't intend to give them anything else. They might start asking you questions or something. I don't think it would be good."

"Yeah, it probably wouldn't." The shinigami threw the apple core into his huge mouth and swallowed it whole. "I don't feel like showing up to them either."

"It's settled then. We'll part. I'll go save Light while you will have a vacation. If you need to stick close, make a base somewhere around and check for the situation now and then." She brushed her crumpled skirt to smooth it and rose decisively, then suddenly remembered something. "Oh, but first…" She opened the drawer again and retrieved the Death Note sheets.

When two hours later somewhat dusty from digging in the ground, she entered the hall of the headquarters, they already waited for her. Mogi approached her first and asked for the notebook. She handed it to him with a sulky face and let herself be cuffed and blindfolded. They apologized to her, repeating that 'they would never subject Misa-Misa to such an inconvenience if not for Ryuzaki's whims'. It comforted her a bit. At least they respected her and felt bad about the awful way they treated her. But she made sure to puff at them indignantly anyway.

And only when the world around her sank into darkness, did she hear another footsteps approaching.

"Misa Amane, nice to see you again."

_I wish I could see you too, L_, she thought setting her jaw.

"Ryuzaki, you perv, will you never get enough of torturing us?"

"I assure you I would get no satisfaction from torturing you." There was a slight, amused pout in his voice. "After all, we are friends, aren't we?"

"Phew!"

He said nothing at that, apparently finding no good counter-argument.

"Mogi-san, can I have the Death Note, please?" Steps. Quiet rustle. "Thank you." A moment of silence. "Misa-san, when you picked up the Death Note have you, by any means, seen something? Or rather someone? A big… um… unworldly creature?"

Another trap. No way she was going to fall into that either.

"What the hell are you talking about? What unworldly creature? Are you nuts? No, I didn't see anyone like that."

More silence. Then: "I see."

With that, their friendly exchange was closed and L commanded Aizawa to take her away. She walked before the man, wondering whether it had been wise to give herself in like that.

* * *

L stared at the plate, absently poking a strawberry with his fork. The fruit made a zigzagy route around the piece of cake, leaving a red trace on the porcelain. Somewhere in the background voices sounded, the team members talking, not really having much to do these days. L didn't hear what they were saying, too absorbed with his own thoughts. 

_It's obvious that we can't put an equation mark between Light and Kira. I knew Light for almost three months while he didn't remember that he was Kira, and he was a completely different person. Devoted to catching the mass murder, very cautious about some of my methods. Just like his father. Honest, upright. He even refused to use the feelings of the girl who loved him. Sure, we may assume that his determination to solve this case was prompted by his desire to take revenge for being suspected and detained, or that it was an unconscious drive to carry out his plan. But most likely he simply saw Kira as a criminal and wanted to stop him. And he wasn't pretending at that. _

_Most people don't carry Death Notes with them. Having the Death Note is an exceptional situation, so the real… default Light is the one without the notebook. Just like Rem said. The owner of the Death Note loses their true self. But can we absolve him from all the murders he's committed? Can we let it go without consequence if it was possible for him to control it? Killing off criminals could ultimately be forgiven, but murdering all those people just because they stood in his way? If there is the slightest chance that the Death Note owner can refrain from killing, Light's guilt is a fact. _

_On the other hand, if we punish Kira, we will destroy the good person Light really is. Does he deserve it just because he was unfortunate enough to find this notebook? _

The strawberry slipped from under his fork and leapt up, landing on the floor with a splat. For a moment he stared at it dully. Then, not really making a conscious decision, got up and not bothering to pick it up, moved to the terminal. He looked at a small austere room displayed on one of the screens. The dark, cuffed figure sat on the bench with his head low. The neighboring screen showed a similar, but not so depressing picture. They had decided that there was no point in restraining and blindfolding Misa and even gave her some fashion magazines to read. At the moment the girl was lying on her stomach and browsing one of them.

"How is it? Still nothing?" he asked Matsuda, who was currently keeping guard at the panel.

The policeman shook his head. "Just as before. There haven't been any new murders since the moment Misa-Misa was detained."

Of course. The question was just a formality, nothing more than excuse to say something. If some new murder occurred, Matsuda would have most likely announced it at the top of his voice doing a happy dance around the room.

"But Ryuzaki, no evidence was found on neither of them. Not the tiniest piece of the Death Note. We searched everything thoroughly."

"It's not a problem to destroy a piece of paper," Ryuzaki repeated with a sigh.

"But I was thinking. This rule about destroying…"

"…applies only to the whole notebook, there is no mention about separate sheets." _And besides, I am 99 percent certain it's false. _But this Ryuzaki left for himself.

Matsuda's face fell.

"How is Amane now?"

"As you see. She calmed down. She no longer demands to see Light. And stopped calling you names. Generally, she seems quite comfortable."

"Good." L looked at Light again. Then, after a momentary thought, pressed the button and the screen faded to black. Matsuda looked at him surprised.

"I am going to visit Light-kun. I would like to talk to him in private." He decided this was enough of an explanation. Matsuda didn't say a word, just nodded absently, so L turned on his heel and left the room.

* * *

He stood at the cell door, taking in the sight of the prisoner. Light still sat in the same position as he'd seen it on the screen. He didn't raise his gaze to welcome his visitor. 

"You may not believe it," Ryuzaki started, "but the cameras are off."

"You're right, I don't believe it."

"See for yourself."

Light did look up, shifting his gaze to the camera without meeting his eyes. His expression remained blank.

"That doesn't mean anything."

_Still haven't given up, Light? _L sighed and came over to the bunk.

"May I take a sit?"

"What if I say no?"

"I won't."

A pause. Then: "Sure, take a sit."

So he did, pulling up his knees for comfort. For a while they were silent. Ryuzaki stared at the opposite wall and allowed himself to clear his head of hard thinking for once. Light's head fell on his chest again. After a minute or so, however, he spoke.

"Why did you come?"

"Wanted to see you, I guess. I mean in person."

"Why?"

He shrugged. It's not that he didn't know the answer. He just didn't feel like explaining himself. This in itself should be an explanation for Light.

"And I wanted to ask you a question." Silence, of course. He gave it another moment. "Why didn't you kill me? You could. You had many days to do it. You lost by your own choice. Why?"

Light chuckled under his breath.

"You expect me to answer this question when I already told you I don't believe you with the cameras?"

"You know they are off."

"Maybe."

But he didn't answer. No, L didn't expect him to. All he wanted was to voice the question, he realized. Another silent minute passed and he already thought they would end up just sitting like that, but then something happened. Ryuzaki never expected it from the proud son of the chief inspector. Light leaned against him, resting his weight on his side and putting his head on his shoulder. Ryuzaki inhaled, taken aback. That _could_ be the answer.

"L," Light murmured. "What kind of a name is that?"

L smiled sadly. And this was a kind of confession. To him personally; even if the cameras were on, no one else could know the true meaning of that. Great communication, even now.

"Just a name," he said. "Like any other. Just short."

Light didn't say another word after that, but Ryuzaki wrapped his arm around him and after a while – simply unable to stop it – planted a kiss on the chestnut hair. Light's shoulders moved, when he took in a deep breath and then left it out.


	5. Chapter 60 verA: Proof

**Chapter 60: Proof **

Aizawa walked Light into the main room where the whole team was gathered. It was strange to be here with his hands still cuffed behind his back. At least they gave him his shoes so he didn't make this ridiculous, disgracing, bare-feet-tapping-against-the-floor sound while he walked. Mogi and Matsuda greeted him with nods. His father dashed towards him and embraced him to Light's utter dismay.

"Son, I want you to know that I… believe in your innocence."

He felt sick, he felt dizzy. He heard the momentary hesitation in his father's voice and didn't know whether to welcome it or feel even more distressed. _You'll be disappointed, dad_,he thought but was unable to say it.

Somewhere under all those depressing feelings there was also curiosity. How will Ryuzaki play his cards, what will be their reactions when they find out…

There was one more man in the room. Light met him a few times before – his father's boss, the chief of the NPA, Kitamura. The man walked up to him with an air of power around his plump form.

"Yagami-kun," he spoke solemnly. "I really hope L is wrong in his suspicions about you. You are the great hope of the NPA. It would be a shame to lose such a fabulous would-be employee."

All Light could muster was a quiet murmur and a nod.

They approached the terminal, where Ryuzaki sat in his usual place. Only now did he turn his gloomy gaze to Light and also gave him a nod.

"Hello, Light." His voice was so quiet that probably even Aizawa barely heard it. It was the private greeting. L never left the '-kun' out when they were in public. Somehow Light was glad not hearing it this time.

"Hello, Ryuzaki," he returned.

L's lips quirked minutely and the huge, panda-like eyes turned to the monitors again. Aizawa sat Light in the chair on Ryuzaki's right, slightly behind him. There was also a row of chairs on the detective's left and Kitamura and Light's father took their seats. The others chose to stand.

"Alright everyone, let's get started," L spoke. He pressed a few buttons and two big screens in front of them came to life, showing faces of two men. Light recognized them too, although he never saw either of them in person. The bosses of the FBI and ICPO. The first one's name was Maison, the other's name Light couldn't remember. He gulped, realizing just how great the range of this meeting was. So, his final failure would be witnessed by all those big fish. It couldn't possibly be worse.

_And what did you expect?_ he teased himself. _Kira is considered the world's most dangerous criminal. FBI and Interpol were involved in the investigation from the start. By no means could they miss the show._

"Gentlemen, hello," Ryuzaki greeted them in Japanese and they answered with nods. Light noticed small earphones in their ears. "Let me introduce myself first. I am Ryuzaki, L's assistant. I will lead this meeting today. L of course is here with us as well," he waved his hand at the computer with a big stylized L on the screen, "and will take part in this meeting."

"Hello everyone," the computer spoke in its altered voice.

_Watari. Wonder why Ryuzaki decided to be present here with everyone. Even if he doesn't reveal himself as L, it's quite surprising._

"Are you Watari then, Mr. Ryuzaki?" Maison asked in English.

The half of L's face Light could see smiled.

"Just Ryuzaki, please," the detective answered also in English, with the clearest British accent. "And as for your question, let's leave it in the sphere of speculation." The man on the screen nodded. "Now," L switched to Japanese again, "you have all been informed in the many details concerning this case, but just as a refreshment— You know that the tool of the crime, as much as it seems ridiculous, is the notebook. It has been proved in the test we ran thirteen days ago. The notebook's origins are unknown to us, but the material and the ink the rules have been written with are nothing known to the human world. You were all presented with the full list of rules. Our investigation indicated that there are two of such notebooks and we were able to get hold of both of them. Here they are." He pointed at an open transparent container on the table, where both Death Notes were displayed. "It's clear that the person who owns such notebook is Kira, but since the ownership may be passed, there might be more than one Kira. In the course of the investigation we concluded that there were three people who killed with the Death Note. The last one, Kyosuke Higuchi, as you know, is already dead. The other two suspects are at the moment in our detention. The first one is Light Yagami, who is here with us," Ryuzaki nodded at Light and Light forced himself to look straight at the screens. "We suspect that he was the first Kira, probably acted as one for the longest time and also controlled the person who after a while joined forces with him and was known as the Second Kira. The person is Misa Amane."

"Why isn't she in the room?" Maison asked.

"She is suspected of having a power we called 'the shinigami eyes' which allows her to see a person's name just by seeing their face. We decided it would be too dangerous to let her be here with us. The presence of the suspects isn't necessary, actually Light Yagami wouldn't have been here either if it weren't for his special status as a former team member. Of course neither of them admits their guilt. The evidence against them is very consistent with the exception of the 13-day rule. I won't quote it as we all know it. That is why we advanced a hypothesis that the rule might be false. The main purpose of today's meeting is to verify its authenticity. Now, the question we asked you is what is your position about the current state of the evidence and the status of this meeting."

The eyes of the men on the screens moved while they probably exchanged glances. Then the chief of the Interpol spoke:

"We decided to accept this trial as a final evidence in the Kira case. If the rule is false, Light Yagami and Misa Amane will be arrested and convicted of being Kira with immediate effect. There might not be the one and only Kira, but everyone who committed repeated murders using the notebook must meet the same punishment. If the rule is true, however, in spite of all the evidence, neither of them may be Kira and they will be cleared of all suspicions. One way or another, this is final."

Ryuzaki searched for Kitamura's gaze and the man nodded in consent.

"Understood. In a few minutes we will start the broadcast from the State Prison. But before, I believe L wanted to say something. L?"

"Yes," the computer spoke. "I have one more observation about the notebook, this one concerns the impact the Death Note has on its owner. Let's assume for a moment that Misa Amane and Light Yagami are guilty. In this case all evidence leads to a very interesting conclusion. As you know, not every person who owns a knife becomes a murderer. I studied very closely the psychological profiles of all three people suspected of owning the notebook and as much as it seems that for Higuchi killing a man would be fairly easy, the profiles of Light Yagami and Misa Amane show no inclinations like that. And yet, all those three people became serial killers. That led me to a conclusion that the Death Note not only gives a power to kill, but also affects its owner's psyche, inducing them to do it."

Light frowned, surprised by those words. This he didn't expect. He briefly slid his gaze around the room. Other members of the team also seemed puzzled.

"Are you claiming this should be extenuating circumstances for Kira?" Kitamura asked.

"It might be. If you decide to take it into consideration. There's more to this topic but I suggest we discuss it further only when the rule turns out to be false. If it is true, those assumptions lose ground."

Light felt his heart pounding in his chest and took a deep calming breath. Could it be? Could it be that… what? That thanks to this hazy remark they would pardon a mass murderer from the death penalty? There was no chance to it. No way it would work.

"I have one more question," the chief of the ICPO offered. "You planned this meeting on this day and hour assuming that the convict we will watch in a minute dies at the exact moment you calculated. But the rule in the notebook says about a day not hour. Can you be so sure that the death will occur at this exact point?"

Ryuzaki smiled, looking as if he'd just expected the question. "So far the Death Note has been very exact. It is mentioned about 40 seconds in one of the first rules and in respective conditions the death occurs with up-to-second accuracy. We could see it on the example of the Second Kira's first murders in Sakura TV and during our test thirteen days ago. So with the 13-day rule it should be the same and in this case thirteen days means exactly 24 hours times thirteen. But we do allow that with a longer period of time the margin of error might be larger and some inaccuracy might occur. That is why this presentation is due to start ten minutes before the exact hour of the presumed death and if the death doesn't occur in time, it will be prolonged for ten minutes afterwards. That of course doesn't mean that if the convict dies later today it won't be considered, but there would simply be no point for us in sitting here this long."

The man nodded acknowledging the answer and Ryuzaki looked around.

"Are there perhaps any other questions?"

A few somewhat uncertain head shakes. The detective waited another moment, then shifted his gaze to the clock. It was exactly ten minutes before the noon.

"Very well. It's time we started. Do you have your monitors prepared, gentlemen?" The big fish on the screens nodded. He shifted his weight in his uncomfortable position, now squatting more than sitting, and leaned over the panel. He pressed a button. "We are ready, director. Please, start broadcasting."

From the speaker a male voice murmured his greetings and the third big monitor in front of them came to life. It showed a room occupied by a solitary middle-aged man. He sat on a chair, strapped to it, but not very tightly and only across his midsection and thighs. He looked… well, nervous. Of course he did. There was a clock on the wall behind him, clearly displayed on screen, synchronized almost to the second with the clock in their room.

"Let me just remind you," Ryuzaki spoke again, "that for all this time L and me were the only people in the investigation team who knew our test subject's name. On the prison's side only very few most trustworthy staff are aware of the trial, but none of them knows what it applies to. Even so, they are obliged to keep a strict secret. Our subject wrote in the notebook at 12:00 thirteen days ago. Today at noon he was scheduled to be executed. If he doesn't die, he will be absolved and instead sentenced to life imprisonment. So his relatives, friends and himself were eager to participate in this trial. Of course they don't know its purpose either. Also, since the moment he wrote in the notebook, he has been isolated and only contacted with the staff let in on this matter."

The man swept his jumpy gaze around his empty cell, turning to the clock every now and again, or stopping it on the camera… looking straight at them. The silence that suddenly fell over their room was overwhelming.

_Don't worry, you won't die_, Light thought wryly, but that didn't ease the unpleasant twitch in his stomach when the guy's eyes met his.

"Gee, that's creepy," Matsuda murmured behind him.

"Yes," Ryuzaki sighed. "Luckily, it's the first and last test we run with the Death Note."

Only now did Light notice that the spindly youth wasn't eating or drinking anything, nor even any food or drink was could be seen around him, which in L's case was… rare.

Silence fell again, there was nothing more to say. Light thought he might as well close his eyes, as he knew the outcome anyway and the convict's gaze really made him feel uneasy. _What's wrong with you? You are Kira. Are you suddenly afraid of a criminal's death when you are to witness it? Or is it because you get the feeling of someone waiting for their death… something that undoubtedly awaits you very soon._ The voice in his mind kept teasing him, replaying the same lines again and again, and he could do nothing to stop it. He felt like hiding his head in his hands… but his hands were cuffed behind his back.

And at the same time he was surprisingly unable to simply look away. Something in all this was fascinating.

He glanced at the watch now and then. Minutes passed. The man grew more and more restless, he was fidgeting in his hair, shifting his position every few seconds. Finally at some moment he lost it. He yanked in his straps angrily.

"Shit, shit! I can't take it. Fuck!"

Someone in the room sighed heavily. Light closed his eyes after all. This situation was so pathetic…

And then the zero hour came with a clock dong… and passed. And of course nothing happened. Light's eyes opened on impulse. The man still sat as he had before, but now straight, wide-eyed and excited. Light dared to cast a glance around the room. Everyone still gazed at the screen, looking more worried now, the silence even more tensed. He bit his lip, feeling cold sweat on his temples. Maybe he should spill everything already. No. Till the last moment…

Five more minutes passed. The man started to giggle nervously. Six, seven, the giggle got louder and became unbearable, and then…

At 12:07 and 40 seconds the convict grabbed his heart and started to choke and shake in death tremors. Light gasped so sharply that it was almost a scream. But it sank in an overall noise that suddenly rose over the room. Just before dying the guy screamed something about them being fucking liars then it was over. The noise rose even more, then started to fade along with the tension.

"Thanks God," Matsuda murmured, not even slightly bothered by how these words sounded in this context.

"Son…" His father sounded like crying.

Then the world around Light went crazy. The others jumped up to him, took off the cuffs, apologized, congratulated, thanked, whatever. Matsuda – ugh! – hugged him. Then his dad, in a long, loving embrace. Something was still happening in the cell. Someone rushed in, checked the convict's pulse, then said something to the camera. No one paid it any attention. Kitamura came up and offered his congratulations. All Light could do was nod dumbly. He was speechless. His mind frantically looked for a solution and found only one.

L.

L. Used. The Death Note.

For him?

Light found the sloppy detective with his gaze. Ryuzaki sat in his chair motionlessly, hands gripping his calves tightly. He was still staring at the screen that in the meantime faded to black. Nobody paid him any attention.

And then the altered computer voice sneaked into that mess.

"Please, calm down everyone, I have something to say."

Gradually the noise faded.

"Can you please take your seats for one more moment?"

They did. This time everyone sat down, clearly relieved with the outcome. Their positions were slack and casual, as if they suddenly forgot that they took part in the high-level meeting.

"You all saw the result of the test. Although the death was a few minutes late, the delay was small, thus the rule we were testing is true. Therefore I admit that my suspicions about Light Yagami and Misa Amane were wrong. They could never write in the Death Note. We might ask ourselves: who then? That, unfortunately, remains unsolved. However, although we didn't manage to catch the culprit or culprits, we discovered the way of killing and got hold of the tools of the crime, positively disarming the murderer. And since the rule works, whoever used those notebooks is by now undoubtedly dead. Thus, we can consider this case successful. On my part, I offer my apology to Yagami-kun and Misa Amane for all the inconveniences they were subjected to. This was due to the strong evidence we had against them. I must admit Kira managed to delude me here, manipulating the evidence so that it indicated those two. But all in all I am certain that he is no longer a threat and that this time it is final. Does anyone have any doubts or questions?"

A moment of silence. Then another.

"All right then. I hereby announce that the Kira case is closed."

And so it happened. A murmur of unconcealed relief streamed through the room and it spontaneously changed into a relaxed murmur of quiet conversations. Soon the bosses of the FBI and ICPO said goodbye and disconnected. Kitamura congratulated them again and also left, leaving the team alone in the headquarters, still celebrating.

Finally it all sank in and joy hit Light with painful clearness. He did it! In the eyes of everyone he was innocent! That was the only thing that mattered. It will be hard to retrieve the notebook now and start clearing the world again, but he will do it, he will find a way. Maybe he'll be more careful, avoid competition with the police, slow down. But he will surely do it. And in the meantime – he looked at the lonely figure still cramped in the chair before the panel – there was someone whose company he will enjoy.

* * *

Being a shinigami in the human realm was very comfortable. You could get practically everywhere, unseen by anybody. You could see anything, hear anything without people being aware of it. Observing was always Ryuk's favorite fun. 

He was very curious about the drama that took place in the high mysterious building that suddenly rose in the center of Tokio a few months ago. However, since the people inside this building had his Death Note, most of them probably could see him. He couldn't just get inside and sit on one of the chairs or float in the air to watch. A problem? Not for a shinigami. He could walk through walls and any concrete barriers. He could hide inside them. Sticking his head through the wall wouldn't be such a good idea, because if someone saw it, it'd become kind of idiotic, but he could easily get into the ventilation shaft and peer through the grill.

He often did it in many parts of the building. Not only because it was in a way his duty, but first of all because he was curious. And what a bored shinigami needs most is entertainment. Here he found the finest entertainment. He felt quite up-to-date with everything that happened and was certain he wouldn't miss the final.

So here he was, sitting in a non-too-comfortable ventilation shaft that looked into the main investigation room. The show had just ended, leaving Ryuk completely dumbfounded as to what had happened. The convict was dead, the fake L admitted he had been wrong, the chiefs of the FBI and ICPO disconnected and the chief of the NPA left after offering his hearty congratulations to Light and his father. Now only the team members were still present in the room. They gathered around Light and talked some happy nonsense. Light himself looked… just like Light would in such a situation. The clear face of a 18-year old boy who had just been proved innocent seemed so sincere. The disbelief that appeared on it at the first moment was quickly wiped off. But Ryuk could bet that under this cheerful mask Light still was shocked. He just had to be. Ryuk himself was.

What could have happened? There was only one answer to that.

No one paid attention to L at the moment and it seemed to suit the detective just right. He finally stood up and walked over to the container that held the Death Notes. He made sure that no one watched him then produced another notebook from under his shirt. _Rem's note_, Ryuk guessed. The youth put it under the other two, then from the pocket of his baggy pants took out a slender bottle and poured its contents onto the black covers. Ryuk felt his eyes grow wide as he realized what the guy intended.

"Everyone, may I have your attention, please?" Ryuzaki spoke aloud.

The others finally looked at him and he smiled almost sweetly.

"There's one more thing I wanted to show you. Do you see those Death Notes here?"

They looked at the small pile of the notebooks. From afar they couldn't see well enough to notice the gasoline. They nodded somewhat dumbly like an audience giving automatic answers to a spectator. A lighter suddenly appeared in Ryuzaki's hand and before anyone could stop him, he set the notebooks on fire.

A few screams simultaneously sounded in the room.

"Ryuzaki, what the hell…"

"You can't destroy the notebooks, it's gonna kill us!"

Matsuda hid his head in his arms and sank to his knees, apparently awaiting an abrupt and painful death. Soichiro Yagami rushed to Ryuzaki and seized his thin wrist, pulling him away. The detective wasn't trying to defend himself.

"Put it down, quickly!" the chief screamed.

Mogi rushed to the fire extinguisher on the wall. And just at this moment Light grabbed his head and fell to the floor with a whine of pain. Ryuk felt a short, unpleasant pull himself.

"Light-kun! Oh God, it started," Matsuda cried.

The whine broke off as abruptly as it started and Light's body went still. Mogi was already finishing his fight with the fire. Last flames disappeared in a now crumpled container. The big policeman looked at the remains of the Death Notes as if they could bite. Aizawa approached just as carefully and also took a glance.

"Too late," he murmured.

It was true. All that was left of the notebooks was ash and occasionally some charred, crumpled remains of the sheets. Ryuk growled in his throat with a strange feeling of loss.

"What have you done?!" Soichiro yelled at Ryuzaki.

"But we are alive," Aizawa risked.

"Light isn't, Light's dead…" Matsuda whined, still crouching and clutching his head.

Only now did the chief inspector notice that and forgetting about Ryuzaki at once rushed to the limp form of his son.

L rubbed his wrist, wincing slightly, then spoke.

"He isn't dead, like we all aren't. He just blacked out."

Soichiro fell to his knees beside his son. He grabbed his wrist, checking his pulse, then breathed deeply. "Thanks God." For a long moment he just kept breathing, his head low as if he were exhausted. Then he slowly raised his gaze on Ryuzaki.

"Why are we still alive? The rule said that if you destroy the notebook…"

"Maybe it happens with delay…"

"No," L interrupted. "We are alive because the rule was false."

The chief shook his head, not understanding.

"How come? What do you mean… how could you know?"

"It was written behind the rule that I knew was false, so it had to be false as well," came the calm answer. They peered at him with wide, dumbfounded eyes. Ryuzaki sighed and continued: "Those two rules were written on one page, in one frame, the rule about destroying after the 13-day one. You can't write a true rule after the false one, unless you write false and true rules at the same time and randomly, but it wasn't so in this notebook, I can easily say that all the rules in the beginning were true. It wouldn't make the slightest sense to write the last true one on a new page and leaving blank space above. If someone added a false rule and this one was behind it, it had to be false too."

For a while there was silence in the room, everyone frozen in their places, still staring at L dumbly. Finally Matsuda risked:

"But we've just proved that the 13-day rule is true."

At that, Ryuzaki reached into his pocket again. He fumbled in it for a second and took out a folded piece of paper. The paper was thick, slightly yellowish, lined. Ryuk recognized it at once. They seemed to have recognized it too.

"Here." The detective unfolded the sheet, showing a few lines of writing on it. He gave it to Aizawa, who stood the closest. "Can you read it, Aizawa-san?"

Aizawa glanced at the paper and gasped.

"Please," Ryuzaki prompted.

"Hinzen Tomagoshi. Heart attack. Dies November 19, 12:08 pm, screaming," Aizawa's voice trailed off for a moment, then continued faintly, "'you fucking liars, you deceived me'." He raised his gaze at the rest and whispered. "That's exactly what happened."

For the nth time this day the room went still and silent. And it was again Matsuda who first shook off the stupor.

"You killed him!" he exclaimed.

"Well, I guess there is no doubt about it," Aizawa murmured.

Ryuzaki lowered his head escaping their scrutinizing, apprehensive gazes.

"I purposely delayed the moment of death so that you could see that the convict didn't die at noon. I hope that this is enough for you to believe that Tomagoshi's death wasn't the effect of the rule, but of this note."

Ryuk blinked, when he realized that his jaw had dropped. Incredible. The same thing that for the ICPO and FBI became the proof of Light's innocence, for those guys here was the proof of his guilt. L used Tomagoshi's death as a double sided evidence. This guy was not even an inch inferior to Light.

Soichiro Yagami raised his gaze from over his son, his face horrified, lips quivering, whispering some words that were too quiet for anyone to hear them. Ryuzaki met his gaze.

"Yes, Yagami-san, I am very sorry, but your son _is_ Kira."

The chief closed his eyes and breathed. "If he wasn't connected to this notebook, he wouldn't have fainted when it was destroyed, would he?"

Ryuzaki nodded. "That is also what I wanted to show. I didn't know what Light's reaction would be, but I was sure it would be visible."

Soichiro's shoulders slumped as if he was suddenly deprived of all his strength. His head fell on his chest.

"B-but, wait!" Matsuda exclaimed. "It doesn't have to be the proof. Ryuzaki could write it afterwards, when no one was watching! There was a few minutes nobody paid attention to him."

"There are cameras in this room, Matsuda-san," L reminded him. "You wish to check it?"

The young policeman opened his mouth, but for a while remained silent. Finally he blurted out: "But with that we can't be sure that this guy wouldn't have died later. Killing him like that you made it impossible to check it."

Ryuzaki's eyes half-closed with exasperation. "Please, Matsuda-san, do you really believe it? You are alive, aren't you? Those two rules were false. Besides, with what I want to tell you here, plotting something like this wouldn't make the slightest sense." He turned to the chief again. "Please, don't be so distraught, Yagami-san, it is not as bad as it seems. After all, in the eyes of the world your son is innocent now. Aren't you curious why I did it?"

Only now did they realize. They gasped in unison like a dumb audience again.

"Yes, Ryuzaki," Soichiro whispered. "Why did you do it?"

L smiled sourly. "Before I tell you, perhaps move your son to the sofa, so that he didn't lie on the floor like that."

The chief stared at the detective for a few more seconds, his brows furrowed together, then lifted his unconscious son and went to the couch in a quick gait. He laid him there gently.

Ryuzaki moved from over the wrecked container as well and leapt up into the armchair, assuming his usual position. The rest followed and eventually everyone were clustered around the table. Magically, Watari appeared in the room and served tea. He leaned over Ryuzaki and whispered a few silent words to him. The detective nodded his head and the old man disappeared again. L poured himself a cup, speaking.

"I knew that no one would suspect me. For the FBI and ICPO Tomagoshi's death was the final and definite proof even if L knew the convict's name and at the same time had access to the Death Note. After all, L wanted to catch Kira at all costs, it is absolutely impossible that he killed to clear him, isn't that so? So, the question is why." He reached to the sugar bowl and took a few cubes. He started dropping them rhythmically into the cup. "Basically it's because of the things Rem told me. What Watari said during the meeting – about extenuating circumstances – is all true. But there is more than that."

He went on telling them about his talk with Rem. About the history of the Death Note in the human realm, about its impact on human psyche and about Light's plan. Ryuk listened to it with disbelief. Did the stupid shinigami really told him all this? Well, she had to, otherwise he wouldn't have known it. But why? If she wanted to save Misa so much, she could have simply killed Ryuzaki. Ryuk shook his head. That Rem with her soft heart…

"So I asked myself," Ryuzaki continued, having finished his story, "which Light is real and the conclusion was quite obvious. Light owning the Death Note is a result of occurrence, people normally don't possess such things. So the default Light, the real Light, is the one without the notebook. And this Light we all know, I don't need to describe him to you. He is just as kind and honest as his father.

But what is crucial here is the fact that the power of the Death Note doesn't really destroy one's true self, it just… conceals it. After loosing the ownership Light wasn't just Kira without his memories, a mass murderer who only lacked his tool. He was Light again. So the old Light wasn't lost. For me it was most important. If all that was left of him was Kira, we wouldn't have been able to help him. But as it is… What he did is monstrous, but maybe we should think about it the other way. It wasn't really Light, it was Kira in him. What we needed to do was destroy Kira, not Light and this I did by destroying the notebook. And there is one more thing. Light spared me. He knew my name, but he didn't kill me. For him that meant defeat… and in spite of that, he resisted writing in the Death Note. Maybe his motives weren't exactly moral, but it's the proof that he could be stronger than Kira. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell any of these to the FBI and Interpol, because I had no proof of Rem's words or existence, and the circumstances mentioned by Watari wouldn't have been enough. If I wanted to save Misa and Light, I had to convince those guys of their complete innocence. That is your answer why." He paused, letting his words sink in, while he finished his tea and poured himself another. He reached for the sugar cubes again and started dropping them.

"However, I'm not all that sure that my judgement is correct. I am afraid I might be a little… partial. After all, I am the one Light-kun spared. And besides, what gives me the right to be his judge?" He stared fixedly into his tea, poking the bottom of the cup with the spoon. "It can't be denied that there is something in Light that made him act differently than the other Death Note owners. That made him become a mass murderer, believe that he had the right to judge all those people. Maybe he even thought that he'd become a God. This something, whether it is a superiority complex, psychopathy, sociopathy or whatever, is intrinsic. It won't go away with destroying the Death Note. So, the factor that made him Kira in the first place will still be there. And more importantly, can we just forget about all those murders? Kira's toll is today over 1000 people… criminals. And a few guys whose only guilt was that they stood in his way. This number is terrifying. And the Second Kira is not much behind. Remember that it was possible for them to stop it. Many people may not agree with my judgement. That's why I want _you_ to judge Light and Misa. I think you will be more objective than me. If you decide that they are guilty, we will contact the FBI and ICPO again and tell them the truth. I will repeat everything I said here and give them the records of this conversation."

He finally tore his eyes from his tea and slowly looked up. He swept his gaze around them, his toes nervously curling on the armchair cushions. When he spoke again, his voice was almost a whisper.

"Please, tell me what you think."


	6. Chapter 61 verA: Decision

**Chapter 61: Decision **

For a long moment the only sound in the room was the barely audible tapping of L's toes against the leather cushions of his armchair. Soichiro Yagami stared at his son, occasionally casting a glance at the detective. Matsuda ruffled his hair and Mogi and Aizawa were perfectly still. Ryuk could feel the tension squeezing the room even here, in the tight hole of his hideout.

"I also can't be a reliable judge here," the chief finally said. "Light is my son, I would save him at all costs."

"Yes, I agree, Yagami-san's voice shouldn't be considered in this discussion either."

"But I don't understand," Matsuda put in. "Why didn't you simply consult that with us instead of making this show in front of all those people?"

For a short moment L regarded the young officer almost condescendingly. "That would be because you didn't believe Light-kun and Misa Amane were Kira in the first place. I needed to prove it to you first."

"Oh, yes, I'm sorry, stupid question." Matsuda scratched his head, embarrassed, then he suddenly leapt up. "Oh dear, Misa-Misa! She is still in her cell. She lost her memories. She might have waked up already… or maybe she didn't pass out at all. She must be confused. Someone should go check her out!"

"Calm down, Matsuda-san. Watari keeps an eye on her. She will be all right. Please, sit down and let's discuss it."

So Matsuda slumped onto the couch again and after a moment came back to ruffling his hair.

"To be honest," L took on, "With this other Death Note we retrieved there were some ways I could prove Light and Misa's guilt to you beforehand. But since the test has been started thirteen days ago, we would still have to put up this performance and – if you decided to clear Light and Misa – Tomagoshi would have to die anyway. I was afraid you'd start your moral rant again and more than that, I wanted your reactions to be sincere. Would you be able to give such a show of joy like you did if you knew that Light actually was Kira?"

They hummed in reluctant agreement.

"There is one more thing I don't get," Aizawa mused. "Why would Light spare you? It seems extremely illogical. For him you were the worst person to be spared. If he wanted to fight Kira in himself, he could…"

"That's not it, Aizawa-san," Ryuzaki interrupted. As many times as Ryuk saw the detective, he'd never suspected that the man can blush. He could. And on his pale skin it was glaringly visible. "The reasons why he didn't kill me are more personal. I think Light spared me, because… well, he likes me."

A few loud gasps again.

"He likes you? You don't mean, em—" Soichiro's voice stuck in his throat.

L's cheeks were positively burning now. "What I mean is that when two people live together for three months, it's natural that they become… close. And me and Light were always on the same wavelenght in the first place. That is another reason why I said I might not be objective judging him."

For a long moment the chief stared at his son with a frown, but if there was anything he wanted to ask or say, he left it for himself. L apparently didn't feel like explaining himself further either. He sat, silently sipping his tea, waiting for their decision. Finally Mogi spoke:

"If we decide that Light-kun is guilty and you confirm everything, you might be in trouble. They may charge you for concealing the truth."

"Yes. And for killing the convict." L's gaze was fixed firmly on his tea. "Actually, I could be called an accomplice at the moment. But I don't think it will be that bad, most likely the consequences will be mild, if any."

Mogi grumbled his acknowledgment, lowered his head and for a few moments scratched it thoughtfully. Finally, he looked up and spoke decisively. "I think Ryuzaki is right. It's unfair to punish Light. Light is a good person, it was Kira who was evil, and Kira was destroyed. Light may have some traits Ryuzaki mentioned, but you don't punish people for superiority complex or even psychopathy, all the more, sentence them to death for that. And of course, same goes for Misa-Misa."

Soichiro raised his eyes on the big man, as if he wanted to praise him to the skies.

"That's right!" Matsuda exclaimed, clearly relieved. "Light, real Light is good, we all know him. Plus, he is a great hope of NPA, isn't that what the boss said? We can't waste such a talent!"

Ryuzaki's eyes went to the last policeman. "Aizawa-san?"

Aizawa looked somewhat skeptically.

"Actually, we can't be sure that Rem really told you what you told us. Considering that you two… like each other you could have lied."

"Yes, that is correct," L admitted. "All you can do is trust my words. But I am not lying."

"Oh, come on, Aizawa!" Matsuda protested. "Ryuzaki was so set to catch Kira that he would never lie in this matter."

Ryuzaki gave them a wry smile. "Exactly."

Aizawa sighed. "Nah, I don't believe he is lying either. The truth is, I think that if there was some preferential punishment possible, it would be the best option. Completely absolving them doesn't seem fair. But since people from the Interpol and FBI will probably put Rem's existence among fairy-tales, if they sentence Light and Misa, it can be only one sentence."

"Yes," Ryuzaki nodded, "most likely."

"And in that case we can't allow it."

L closed his eyes and breathed deeply, relief for the first time visible on his face.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"But will it be completely safe to just let Light out of sight? Perhaps it will be with Misa. She admires Kira, but it's because Kira killed the killer of her parents. But with Light… can we be so sure that there is no threat?"

L nodded and took a long sip, then raised his eyes on them again. "Yes, that's exactly what I have been thinking. And actually I have an idea. But I need to know your opinion in one more matter. When Light-kun wakes up, he won't have his memories again and since he won't be punished after all, perhaps it would be easier to leave things like that. However, I'd like to tell him that he was Kira."

Ryuk watched all this and wanted to assume his usual mocking tone. Wanted to chuckle at them and say with his usual sardonic distance that people were interesting, but somehow he couldn't. People _were_ interesting. _That_ was interesting, but all his irony vanished without a trace all of a sudden and he couldn't find it anywhere. He was suddenly suffocating, crumpled in the tight ventilation shaft. It was just an illusion. A shinigami couldn't suffocate, a shinigami couldn't be limited by any physical barrier. He could stretch his legs and hands anytime. But the feeling was most real. Suddenly he felt an urge to be outside, to feel the space around him. Without thinking, he turned, unfolded his wings and launched through the walls of the building, leaving the humans alone.

* * *

"Watari, is Amane still unconscious?" 

"Yes Ryuzaki," answered the old man over the comm. "Should I move her to her old quarters as we discussed?"

"Yes, please. We don't want her to wake up in the cell and start wondering what she is doing there."

"Very well, sir, I will do it right now."

Just as Watari disconnected, L felt a hand being rested on his shoulder. He glanced up to see Soichiro Yagami looking at him with a strange expression.

"Ryuzaki, I wanted to thank you. What you did for my son is… more than I could ever imagine. And to think that I claimed that you had it in for Light."

L gave him a reassuring smile. "What Light did for me, Yagami-san, is much more."

"Perhaps. But Light was wrong, you can't compare it. He in fact only resisted the evil that corrupted him. You, on the other hand…" The chief took a breath. "I was unfair accusing you, Ryuzaki. I am sorry."

"That's all right. Light is your son after all, it's natural that you tried to protect him."

Soichiro's hand clenched on his shoulder. The policeman tightened his lips. "Yes. I… thank you again."

L nodded, accepting it.

"Yagami-san… about Light liking me…"

"You don't have to tell me," the chief interrupted. "If there's anything more than friendship between you two… perhaps I'm not very happy about it, but I don't really mind it either. After all," he smiled crookedly, "I never saw such a good match." He looked as if he wanted to say something more, but couldn't. Or didn't find words. He blinked a few times and motioned to go, but then stopped and he looked at L again. "Ryuzaki, haven't you ever… I mean, maybe you'd drop in on my place for a dinner sometimes. Now, that everyone will go back to their houses, this place will be very empty. My wife is a great cook. She makes wonderful cakes, you know."

L stared at Soichiro, dumbfounded. Considering his lifestyle, he was hardly ever invited to people's houses on an informal occasion. No, actually it was never. Because there were simply no people who could invite him.

"You mean, like a dinner with your family?" he asked to make sure.

"Well yes. You know, me, Sachiko, you kids…"

You kids? L felt his eyes grow even wider. Did the chief even realize what he had just said? But at the same time a warm feeling poured into him and spread over his body with a comforting wave.

"Is Watari invited too?" he asked.

Soichiro smiled. "Yes, why not?"

Ryuzaki couldn't help but smile in return. "I'll be pleased to come, Yagami-san."

* * *

He opened his eyes into the vague feeling of confusion, at first thinking that he was awakening from a dream… but that moment was very short. He came round too abruptly, without the typical sleepy feeling that made you want to come back to the wonderland. He was at once fully awake and aware of many things that suggested something else that waking up in the morning. The room was not his room, he'd never been here before. It was brightly lit and looked somewhat like a consulting room. He was lying on was a couch, not in bed, fully dressed and there was a face hovering over him. The face with huge, black-rimmed eyes without a gleam. 

L sat on the edge of the couch. Over his shoulder Light saw yet another person – his father, standing behind the detective and looking down at him with a concerned face.

"How are you feeling, Light?" Ryuzaki asked.

Strange words to say 'hello'. Answering 'okay' somehow didn't fit either. It was not what he was feeling. Something was wrong.

"I don't know," his voice came out as a murmur. "What's this place?"

"A medical bay."

"A medical bay?" He didn't even know that the headquarters had one. "What happened?"

"You fainted," his dad said.

Light raised his brows. "Fainted? How?"

"What do you remember?"

Light frowned, trying to find in his mind the last moment he'd memorized. What he found was some blurry mess he couldn't place or grasp. Some trial… They were trying to prove something. What? Kira's identity. There were those guys from the FBI and ICPO, and that guy in the prison, who died. He was also there, and he was… wait…

"I was suspected again," he blurted out, although his voice was still just a murmur. "There was this trial and I was there as a suspect. And then… I don't know." His hand grabbed the sleeve of L's shirt. "Why was I suspected again?"

Ryuzaki sighed and for a moment stared at him silently, then he turned around to glance at his father. Soichiro nodded and Ryuzaki's gaze came back to Light.

"I guess there's no other way to tell you, but straight. It has been proved that you were Kira, Light. There is no longer any doubt about it."

"What?!" He twitched abruptly at these words. What was this? Another of Ryuzaki's tricks? Why did this guy kept nudging him like that? This guy of all the people… Light's gaze found his father. "Dad?"

But Soichiro's eyes were sad. The chief lowered his head. "I am sorry, son, but that's true."

It couldn't be, no, it couldn't! Something clenched inside him and made it hard to breathe. His father wouldn't deceive him about something like this, would he? If there was anyone he could trust in this matter it was his father. But then, his father had deceived him about it once before. Were they plotting something again? What were they trying to prove?

"Impossible," he gasped. "It can't be. I'm sure I am not…"

"Light," Soichiro interrupted. "Do you remember Ryuzaki's theory about losing memories?"

Light felt his eyes going wide. He blinked a few times as he recalled L's assumptions about passing the Death Note ownership. Indeed. He did have holes in his memory. Why did he have holes in his memory? His confusion slowly turned into terror as realization hit him.

Soichiro's hand rested on L's shoulder. "Ryuzaki, I will leave you two alone now."

The detective nodded minutely. "Yes."

"Light," the chief turned to him, "it may sound strange at this moment, but don't worry. Listen carefully to what Ryuzaki has to tell you. It will be alright."

With that, he moved to leave. Light wanted to stop him, wanted to call after him, but he suddenly didn't dare, suddenly the shame was too strong to speak. The door swooshed closed, cutting the chief off from view. Light's gaze went back to Ryuzaki and he realized that he was still clenching the sleeve of the detective's shirt. He unclenched his hand, but didn't feel like sitting up. The air over him was too heavy.

He slumped his head back on the thin mattress and closed his eyes. Ryuzaki remained silent, apparently sensing that he needed a moment. Now, that the confusion faded, his mind started to work again. And with that more details surfaced. Memories of him being detained, moments before the detention, strange feeling of despair, the shinigami, a name, Ryuzaki's real name. L Lawliet. Wait… a name? How the hell did he know it? How _could_ he know it? And then came more, and it was the worst. Efforts to write this name, complete inability to do it, sudden disgust at himself… It opened connections to something else, as if there was more, hidden deep in his memory… but they faded halfway, leaving him with the feeling of loss and frustration.

Oh God. All those things would suggest that he really was… that mass murderer – him? He couldn't believe it. Yet, it had to be it. He suddenly felt sick.

His despair must have been visible on his face because a hand touched his wrist.

"Light, are you alright?"

"No, I am not," he snapped. "How can I be alright?"

"Yes, quite right." Wryly. "Have you remembered something more?"

He slowly opened his eyes. He hesitated. Should he reveal it? Revealing it would be in fact admitting his guilt, admitting that he really _was_ Kira. His instinct of self-preservation protested at that. He didn't want to die, he had a deep inside feeling that he didn't deserve it, that it, by no means, could be him. But the rest of him was repulsed by the discovery and demanded… justice. If he indeed was Kira, he should admit it and face consequences.

"Not much," he forced his voice through his throat. "Scraps. But I remember… your name. The real one. And that I tried to write it. But I couldn't."

L frowned. "You remember my name?"

He nodded. The black depths of L's eyes regarded him curiously for a while, as the detective's thumb rose to his mouth.

"That's strange. According to my theory you shouldn't remember any of these."

"Maybe… maybe it's because I started to have doubts. What I remember are doubts, the moments when I thought like I do now. This other thinking… I don't remember anything of that."

Ryuzaki's head tilted. "Yes, that's possible. But actually I am glad that you retained some memories. I wouldn't want to lead you to believe in things. This way it's much better."

Light bit his lip, gearing up for another question.

"So, what now? I know what awaits me. When will they… take me away."

The detective gave him a sad smile. "Nobody will take you away, Light. Don't worry. Nothing like that will happen to you."

He frowned, not understanding. "What do you mean?"

"I managed to convince the guys from the FBI and ICPO that you are innocent. Only the people who worked in this building know the truth."

Light stared at him incredulously. "How come?"

"Oh well, I guess I'll have to retell this once again."

L's words gave him more flashbacks and thus caused even more revulsion. But then there was more, some bits of the history of the Death Note and this brought relief. The sickening feeling eased a little. If he really had been subjected to some outward power, if the notebook really corrupted, then maybe it wasn't all that bad. Maybe he wasn't such a monster after all. Still, the load hadn't been taken off, it was only lighter.

"So why are you telling me all this?" he asked, when Ryuzaki finished. "Since you decided not to give me away, wouldn't you rather leave me unaware?"

"You are too intelligent to leave you unaware. You were a part of this team, and having heard that the case was solved, you would try to know what happened. We wouldn't be able to lie to you too much with all the things you already know. You would start analyzing and sooner or later discover the truth. Most likely it would be sooner. I deem it more dangerous than simply telling you everything. But more than that, I have a plan concerning you and with that, I don't want any ambiguity between us. We agreed that we don't want to simply let you out of sight. And with your amazing investigative skills you could work with me from now on. We think alike. A partner like you would increase L's efficiency by some 80 percent. We would also have support from some people of the NPA, starting with your father. We would all keep an eye on you and if anything happens, we would notice."

"I see," Light breathed. "And I would have a chance to make up for what I did, at least partially."

"You could say so. In fact, I shouldn't use conjecture here, as this is not an offer you can reject. For you this is a must, Light."

"Alright," Light agreed easily. He wouldn't reject it even if he could. He simply liked the prospect. The detective work was something he always dreamt of and working with L seemed much more interesting than working for the NPA. Who would have thought… His only punishment for being Kira was something like that. Something that actually presented a nice vision of the future. He was one lucky guy.

"What about my life? You know, university, home… will you cuff yourself to me again, keep me locked in here?" He was surprised, hearing a hint of a joke in his voice.

L smirked quietly. "Don't tempt me." And when Light dared a smile, he continued. "No, you can live a normal life from now on. Move back to your home, continue studies. I don't think cuffs will be necessary anymore."

_Pity_, Light thought wryly, but didn't dare to say it.

"Ryuzaki, why are you doing all this for me?" he asked. "You wanted to catch Kira at all costs and now you're giving it all up."

"I am not giving it up. I did catch Kira. And I killed Kira. Killing you would be a wrong solution. That was the trap in this puzzle. Actually, you helped me a great deal. If it wasn't for you…" he shook his head. "If I were to be cynical, I'd say you are an extreme case of how a criminal can convert."

Light snorted bitterly. "Oh yes. And you chose an extreme way to prove me that Kira was wrong."

L shrugged and left it without a comment. "But the more important question is, why did _you_ do it for me?"

Light frowned, considering it. Pictures of himself and L – pictures that made him blush – appeared in his mind. Those he remembered with crystal clarity. Those he would never forget.

"I think you know why," he whispered.

"Are you saying that you care for me? That much? Light, you practically sentenced yourself to death."

Light gave a slight shrug, for some reason feeling stupid. "I can't tell you details now, my memory is like a sieve, but… I remember my frustration. I remember how my hand simply wouldn't move when I tried to write your name. I wanted to… and I just couldn't."

He cared for Ryuzaki? No, he loved Ryuzaki. With no girl ever, even if he was intimate with them, had he felt like this. He loved and desired this sloppy guy and that didn't change no matter if he was Kira or not.

A small smile rose on L's shapely lips. "I am glad to hear that."

"So, Ryuzaki… L, how do you feel about me?"

"How do I feel?" A deep sigh. Then L bent down to him and kissed him with a long, gentle kiss.

* * *

Ryuk watched from his place on the top of the cupboard how Light's hands wrapped around the detective and heard an amazed growl escaping his own throat. So, the talk about liking wasn't just a babble, it really meant what it seemed to mean. Well, well, who would have thought! Mr. Popular female-heart-breaker, getting together with a guy. Poor ladies. Poor Misa… 

After a few minutes of flying over the city Ryuk felt refreshed and back in his good mood, so he chuckled happily looking at the couple. Fascinating, truly fascinating. He savored the sight, dangling his legs over the ground, enjoying sitting here, instead of hiding in the wall. The Death Note was destroyed, they couldn't see him anymore. He hadn't been completely sure they wouldn't, after all there was this last piece L wrote the name on, he didn't know which Note it came from and whether it was eventually destroyed as well. But even if they saw him, what could they do? He would just wiggle his hand at them and say: 'Hey there, I'm Ryuk, in case you don't know. Just dropped in to say goodbye.'

Yes, Ryuk knew it was time to finish his adventure in the human world. Things found their conclusion. As much as he could spoil it, drop another Death Note at Light's feet, he didn't feel like doing it. At least not now. It was… nice what came out, everything falling neatly into place. Ryuk liked nice endings, they were so fulfilling. Messing with it would ruin it. He could as well leave and relish it for a while, and when boredom gets to his guts again… well, he'd think about it later.

_But I'll be watching you, Light. And maybe, just maybe, one day we'll meet again._

Beneath, Light stirred suddenly under L's kiss and gently pushed on the detective's shoulders, parting them. Ryuzaki lifted himself a little.

"What is it?"

"I just remembered one thing. My watch. There's a compartment inside it. I guess… I might have hidden a piece of the Death Note there. It should be gotten rid of. You do it, I don't want to touch that thing anymore."

Ryuk winced with distaste. Sooo correct.

"So, that's where you kept it." Ryuzaki sat up and gnawing thoughtfully at his thumb watched as Light fiddled with his watch. A little plate sprang out from under the dial, revealing a piece of paper hidden inside.

Oops!… it was time to take off. Ryuk had no idea whether they would see him after touching this particular piece, but he'd rather avoid it after all. Just as L reached for the paper, the shinigami spread his wings and floated up from his seat. In the last moment he heard Ryuzaki's shocked words:

"'Chokes on a candy?' That's cruel!"

Amused with that punch line, Ryuk shot through the ceiling, chuckling to himself.

* * *

"Eeek!" Misa whined. "Why do we have to go with him? Can't he leave us alone?" 

"I thought we'd agreed on that, Misa. You said you don't mind Ryuzaki going with us."

"Maybe I didn't mind then, but I do now," the girl stuck out her lip unhappily and a little too dramatically to take her seriously. "It's really outrageous, Light, that you chose this… _queer_ over me."

Ryuzaki turned his head away and pretended to watch someone on the pavement across the street. Light stifled the urge to roll his eyes.

"I _am_ meeting with you, aren't I? You know the deal. If you want me to meet with you, you have to accept Ryuzaki. Sometimes we will go out without him, but not very often. And besides, put yourself in his position. He has to accept you too. And he isn't complaining."

L turned to them swiftly and flashed Misa a grin. "In fact, Misa-san, I am glad that you join us sometimes. I appreciate your company very much."

She was positively boiling now. She stopped, stamping her wedge-heeled shoe. "It's because you're getting the better part of it! And I have to tolerate a man glued to _my_ Light! You are male, Ryuzaki, that's perverted!"

"Stereotypes, stereotypes," L hummed.

Light did roll his eyes eventually. Why had he agreed to that? He remembered that talk he had with L a few days ago.

"I really think you shouldn't break up with Misa. The girl loves you madly. She'll be devastated."

"So? _I_ don't love _her_! I don't even have anything in common with her. Besides, I'm with you now. How do you imagine me going out with her?"

Ryuzaki shrugged. "You can meet her as a friend… you can even pretend a bit to be her boyfriend. It will put her in good mood. I am tolerant, you know. I won't even mind if you kiss her sometimes. Come on, Light, you like her."

"I don't. She is stupid." In the back of his mind Light knew that he was sulking like a kid, but he didn't care.

Ryuzaki waved a finger in front of him. "No, she isn't. She is not half as stupid as she seems and you know it. She showed it many times during the Kira case. And you do like her."

Light felt that he was breaking. "Oh, well, maybe a little."

"See?" L grinned at him. "No reason to make the girl unhappy. Besides, she might be helpful to us. She is a great actress, it can come in handy to be on good terms with her."

Light folded his arms on his chest. "So, that's what you are up to, you snake!"

Ryuzaki pursed his lips, while his eyes went to stare at the ceiling. "Well, partly. But I really think it's bad to throw her away like that."

In effect, Light had to endure Misa's company from time to time… quite often actually. And he had to be careful not to speak about Kira with her, as the girl was kept blissfully ignorant to the part she'd once played. Strangely enough, she took his relationship with Ryuzaki quite easily. Probably because she believed he would dump the detective for her soon. Well, let her, that was not going to happen.

They got to the café and took a table for three. Ryuzaki announced that he was buying and soon a big piece of cake landed in front of each of them.

"Besides," L took on, "Misa said she was my friend. Aren't you enjoying meeting with a friend, Misa-Misa?"

Misa was poking her cake with a fork. "Misa can't be a friend of someone who stole her boyfriend. I really thought it would end once you take off those stupid cuffs. But instead of being here with Light alone, as would be right, I have to put up with you."

Light watched her silently while she argued with L. Of course, she wasn't happy about the situation, but it was clear that she wasn't as unhappy as she claimed to be. Actually, he decided, the pout she threw at L was somewhat coquettish. L pouted as well.

"Does that mean that Misa-Misa doesn't like me anymore?" He batted his oversized eyes at her comically.

Misa winced and kept wincing for a long moment. Then she sighed.

"Well, yeah, maybe I do. A little." Then she aimed a finger at him. "But don't you even _start_ to think that if I'm dating Light, I'm dating you too. Oh no! That should never even cross your mind."

Ryuzaki's face turned miserable at one moment and the next, it was wickedly thoughtful. He stuck a thumb between his lips and leaned to her a little. "It didn't. Actually, it crossed _your_ mind, Misa-san."

Misa puffed offendedly and Light sighed, shifting his gaze from her to Ryuzaki and back. He just knew life wasn't going to be easy for him in who knows how long.

**This concludes the alternative story of the Death Note (version A)**


	7. Chapter 58 verB: The Last Name

Version B was proofread by Lady Karai. Many thanks!

**

* * *

Chapter 58: The Last Name **

He wasn't sure how he knew it, but he did. Some vague feeling when he entered his room made him stop in mid-step and look around. Someone was here, _she_ was here, it had to be it. Another feeling, or maybe it was a subconscious deduction, too quick to even realize it, made him sit at his desk and reach into the pocket of his jacket hanging over the chair. Bingo! Under his fingers he felt a piece of paper that certainly wasn't there before. He took the folded sheet out. He knew this texture, it was undoubtedly a piece of the Death Note. He felt a shiver of anxiety. Considering today's events it wouldn't be too good if she simply… Slowly, feeling his heart's accelerating beat, he opened the paper. He read it slowly, then nearly burst out laughing. He sat on the bed and read again, chuckling under his breath.

'Ryuzaki: L L a 2u l i e t, 2uatari: Q u i l l s h 2u a m m y'

What an irony. The Death Note didn't affect people whose names were misspelled. Which meant a misspelled name wasn't considered a name. Rem could always say to whomever supervised obeying the rules in the shinigami world, that by revealing the misspelled names she didn't really do anything forbidden… and the fact that he could easily read the real ones from it was a whole other story. She probably didn't have any other piece of paper at hand, so she used the error in two ways – not to kill Ryuzaki and Watari herself and to be able to use it as an excuse. _Clever, Rem, really clever._ He didn't even need this key-change in the name Watari to guess the right spelling. Plus, she was giving him a tool – a piece of the Death Note. That was exactly what he needed.

He couldn't stop chuckling. He read the name again, correcting it in his mind. L Lawliet. L – amazing, it was actually Ryuzaki's real first name. What a strange name for a person. Somehow… demeaning. Still, it could only be the true one. _L Lawliet, L Lawliet_ – he repeated it almost frenzily. _Nice to meet you, L, I am Kira._

_I could write it down even now, even at this moment. _But no, now he could do it right, he could do it the way to prove his innocence. His and Misa's, that is. And he wasn't in a hurry, he had time, two weeks. He could wait.

And in the meantime he could have some fun. He smiled at the thought, immediately making a decision. He already knew where he was going to spend the night.

* * *

He was glad to find Ryuzaki in his room when at ten o'clock he knocked at his door. The black haired youth poked his head through the crack. 

"Light…"

Light smiled inwardly, hearing that the '-kun' was still out. Since the moment he regained his memory a week ago, they didn't sleep together anymore. The cuffs had been taken off. Light was given his own room and didn't visit Ryuzaki in the night. Nor did Ryuzaki visit him. He knew that L hadn't ceased to suspect him, that his suspicion was now even stronger. Seeing each other in such a situation simply didn't seem right.

But now it no longer mattered. Or perhaps it was a goodbye?

"You asked me before why I wasn't spending time with Misa," he offered. "Well, here is your answer. I tried to feel for her, I felt that I _should_ reciprocate her love, that that would be right. More right than with you. After all, you are male. Lately, I even thought that I had managed to fall in love with her, but the truth is, when I meet her, I keep thinking of you. I can't get you out of my mind, Ryuzaki. I just can't stop feeling."

He felt a little disturbing twinge while saying that, that it wasn't all a lie, that actually most of it was true. Well, probably it was, but it didn't change a thing.

Ryuzaki stared at him with his huge, unblinking eyes, saying nothing.

"Sorry for telling you about my love for Misa so harshly," Light added. "For everyone else there's nothing between you and me. I had to pretend…"

"Yes, I know that."

"In spite of your suspicion about me… will you let me in, Ryuzaki?"

There was hesitation in L's eyes. And doubt. But then his chest moved in a deep sigh.

"In spite of my suspicion about you, Light, I could be your friend."

He pushed the door open and stepped aside. Light came in and closed it. For a moment they stood, facing each other. Light couldn't stop a wave of heat that ran through his body when he looked at the detective. Dammit, he wanted him. He wanted him so much.

He grabbed him in his arms, maybe even too violently, and locked their lips together. It was only a short moment before L recovered from the initial shock and returned the kiss fervently, wrapping his arms around Light's neck and tightening them almost painfully.

L's name, his _real_ name, replayed in Light's mind again and again.

* * *

"Ryuzaki," Watari spoke over the comm. "I've just received confirmation from the prison. Execution with the Death Note has run successfully. The convict who was chosen for this test died exactly 40 seconds after his name was written in the notebook." 

"Well," Soichiro Yagami commented over L's shoulder. "Looks like the power of the Death Note is real. This isn't very surprising after all."

"Yes." The detective nodded somewhat stiffly, gaze fixed on the monitor.

In the tension that suddenly fell over the room no one seemed eager to comment on that any further, so the subject was closed.

* * *

'Sends an e-mail to Light with all the data he has of the convict who has been chosen to write in the Death Note. 

Destroys all the evidence that such an e-mail has been sent. Doesn't say a word about it to anyone.

Dies…'Light stopped writing and stared at the paper, then raised his gaze on an early-evening sky. The building of the headquarters loomed dark and high over the other skyscrapers. He sat on a bench in a nearby park. Somehow he hadn't felt like writing conditions of L's death in that building, so he had used a pretext of going shopping and gone out.

So. What date should he choose? He could make Ryuzaki die after the 13-day rule demonstration, but with everyone knowing that Kira could postpone the date of the victim's death, there was no point in doing that. He could not overcome limitations imposed by the Death Note so if people were to think that L was killed by Kira, they would, this way or another. Moreover, having L under the effect of the Death Note for so long was risky. Something uncontrollable could happen – Light wasn't sure how L would act in such circumstances, he could say or show something, someone could notice. No, he should make Ryuzaki die just after sending those e-mails.

'…half an hour later,' he finished writing.

He smiled. Now it was child's play. Having received the convict's name he would kill him or her in due time, confirming everyone of his innocence. If the true scenario occurred to someone by some means, he would say that there was no way for him to kill Ryuzaki since he didn't know his name. Of course he didn't know it, the only creature among them that did, could not reveal it. And with L dead, everyone would promptly accept it.

He was not going to put Kira's signature on L's death, either. The more natural it looked like, the greater chance that the others would think it was a mere accident. That of course meant he would have to leave Watari alive, but he hadn't considered killing the old man in the first place. Although he was quite sharp, without his charge-employer he seemed harmless. In any case, no one would listen to him. Light twirled the pen between his fingers, considering possible ways of L's demise. It took him just a moment before the right idea presented itself in his head. He chuckled under his breath. Who said Kira couldn't have a sense of humor? He wrote the cause of death over the conditions: 'Suffocation. Chokes on a candy.'

Now, the only thing that was left to add was the name and the exact time. He looked at the blank space at the top of the sheet and put his pen there. His hand stayed still for a moment… and then for another. An image of Ryuzaki in his arms suddenly surfaced in his mind.

_What are you doing? What have you been doing for all those months? How can it be right? It's outright evil! _A thought like a sting in his heart. He silenced it immediately. What the hell was that? Some sudden flood of his old weak self? The self that had felt sick after killing the first people? The self that had replaced him for the time being when he'd forfeited the note? Why did it come out all of a sudden? Because of Ryuzaki?

He shook his head, recovering completely, and looked at the white paper again. Maybe he could wait after all. He didn't have to do it this evening. Not yet. He could do it tomorrow. Or the day after. There still was time. No need to hurry.

He took a deep breath. All right, he'd allow Ryuzaki to live for two or three more days. Just that much and no more. However, with all those details already written, he had to be careful. He tore the sheet into a few smaller pieces and opened the compartment in his watch. He stuffed inside as much paper as he could, putting the note about Ryuzaki on top, and pushed the plate in place.

He rose from the bench, took the shopping bag, and strolled towards headquarters. Passing the trash can, he threw the rest of the sheet away.

_Am I postponing killing him because I like him? _He sighed. That wasn't impossible. He had to admit that he did enjoy spending time with Ryuzaki. Talking with him. Making love to him. They'd been lovers for almost three months and it was good. With no one else before had he felt so good. With no one else had he understood so well.

_Killing you will be a pain, L. I admit that I don't want to do it. If only you weren't after me we could have so much fun. Well, my killing was never selfish. It's not about having fun, it's about creating a better world. And with that, I can't let you live. But I will truly miss you. I will. _

* * *

A pair of black-rimmed eyes watched her curiously, while the owner of these eyes stuffed a forkful of cake into his mouth. He took his time to chew, then swallowed. 

"So," he said, "shinigami know the name of a person just by looking at their face."

"Yes."

"So you know the names of all of us here."

She hesitated for a split second. "Yes."

"Could you kill us?"

"That's what shinigami do. Of course I could."

The detective was silent for a few moments, taking another bite and chewing thoughtfully, while his head tilted and his eyes wandered from Rem to the ceiling and back.

"Do shinigami also need to see a human's face to kill him or her?"

She didn't like the direction this questioning was taking. He clearly aimed to know how shinigami killed. And with that he could find out about… But to this she couldn't reply 'I don't know'.

"Yes, they do."

"So, it seems that shinigami's way of killing resembles the one of a human with a notebook. If there are plenty of such notebooks in the shinigami realm, that means you use them to kill. Isn't that so? Isn't it the shinigami's way of killing?"

Just as she feared. Straight to the point. She really didn't like how this inquiry unfolded. L's questions dug deeper and deeper and she knew she wouldn't be able to evade the truth much longer. Any minute she expected a slip. She could of course avoid the answer, she could say 'I don't know', she could even lie, only that with L it didn't work. He drew conclusions from the lack of answer, he drew conclusions from a lie. She felt that he already knew everything and the only thing he needed was to confirm his theories and prove them in front of the others. Which might happen any minute now. She really hoped Light would take care of it fast.

"Rem, I asked you a question." L's voice brought her back from her musings. "Do shinigami need a notebook to kill?"

"…Yes, they do."

"Then you have to have such a notebook with you."

This evoked a reaction in Light, who looked at Ryuzaki sharply. Others also glanced in their direction. Someone gasped, all murmurs and clicking on the keyboards stopped in one moment, and the whole room's attention was instantly focused on her. Rem clenched her fist angrily.

"Yes, I do have it." She heard anger in her voice as well.

Someone murmured something. Then someone else spoke. "Then you should give it to us."

"I cannot do it. I am confined to this notebook as it is to me. I cannot give it to anyone."

"Rem." It was Light. Finally. She really hoped for some help now. "Can a shinigami give a human a name of another human? Could you reveal our names to anyone?"

"That's against shinigami's rules."

Ryuzaki's eyes shifted smoothly to the youth. "Good question, Light-kun. I wonder how it occurred to you that shinigami could _not_ reveal a human's name."

Rem stifled a growl in her throat. Again. A conclusion drawn from something most people wouldn't even notice. But Light wasn't confounded.

"Well, we all heard there are many rules shinigami have," he answered smoothly. "Most of them seem to concern shinigami remaining neutral towards what happens among humans. I thought this could be another restriction."

"Yes, you are correct." Ryuzaki looked back at Rem. He regarded her, head again tilted, one toe scratching against another for a few seconds. "Then can a shinigami kill a human on request of another human?"

"That's against the rules as well. Shinigami generally don't help humans. They only hang with them if they are connected to the notebook a human owns."

There was an overall sigh of relief that ran through the room, and the team turned their attention away, coming back to their tasks.

But L didn't give up. "However," he said, putting a thumb to his lip. "Every rule can be contrived. Like… shinigami can kill any human they want, right? So they can always say that regardless of the request, they wanted to kill this human anyway."

With growing frustration, Rem resolved for her evading phrase once again. "I don't know. I never thought about it this way." And in the meantime her mind replayed a desperate thought. _You better get rid of him fast, Light Yagami, because I don't think I can take it much longer. _

_

* * *

Three days later, November 10, 2004 _

Light slid to the floor next to his bed, resting his back against it. He looked helplessly at the creased piece of paper. 'Sends an e-mail… Destroys all the evidence… Dies…' The sheet was worn-out from being taken out of the watch every evening, unfolded, crumpled in hands then folded again. And there was still no name on it. Every night… he'd been unable to write it. Instead, he stuffed the deadly piece of paper back into his watch and went to his enemy's room to make love to him.

He put the pen in place yet another time… and yet another time his hand didn't move. When he struggled to move it, images emerged in his head. Images of Ryuzaki dying, sliding down from his chair, thumping against the floor, shaken with death tremors… lifeless. He saw it every night. Those visions filled him with dread, made him sick, and tonight he finally realized the terrible truth. Oh damn, he simply _couldn't_ kill L.

What was it? Had he fallen in love? That would be horrifying! All the more – ridiculous. Ryuzaki was male!

_You idiot_, he told himself, _you will soon be separated from him anyway. If you don't kill him now, you'll meet your fate in prison in no time. If you don't kill him, you'll be the one dead. _

And another voice: _And so what? What's the point in all that? What do I care if he can't be in my perfect world with me? _It was completely irrational. It was egoistic, driven by his personal needs and emotions and thus, it was against everything Kira believed in and fought for. And yet, this voice was louder.

He had never loved anyone. He had no idea that feelings towards another person could be so strong. So strong that they made you weak, that they positively disabled you. Hell, he could imagine killing his own family. It was unpleasant, but it wasn't revolting. But L… L was his only equal. Without him it just wasn't the same.

But _this_ didn't make sense either. He hadn't killed all those FBI agents, doctored all this complicated, highly risky plan with losing his memories just to end up like this now. He couldn't allow himself to ruin all Kira's achievements and lose his life just because he couldn't write one name! That was just as unacceptable as killing L.

He growled with frustration, clenching his fists against his forehead, clutching two handfuls of hair in them. He tugged at his strands and bumped his head against his fingers. Was there really no way out of this wedge? Did it have to be the either-or situation? No, there had to be some compromise. _Any_ compromise. _Think, Light, think!_

And the thought came like a flash of insight. It was so simple that it almost made him laugh. He'd been using the Death Note to control people's actions for so long that he'd forgotten there were more traditional means to do it. And now he had those means. Before, L could play games with him, feeling relatively safe, because he had his trump card – his name – hidden in his sleeve. Now it wasn't hidden anymore. Now it was _Light_ who could play games with _L_. He could control him. He could control L not by writing his name in the notebook, but by using the name itself. So ridiculously simple!

Of course it was risky. It would require going to L and confessing to him that he was Kira. It seemed so desperate that the very thought gave him shivers. It was unlikely that L would give in so easily. He would more likely try plotting behind Light's back, Light would have to keep an eye on him all the time. But then, if he didn't do it, he would soon be proven guilty anyway, and besides, would his confession be any news for L? Every single one of his plans engaged high-level risk, and so far every one had worked. And if this one could lead him to his final victory _and _keep L alive, he was more than eager to go for it.

_This solution has also a big advantage. I feared that I wouldn't be able to overcome the limitations of the Death Note. If L died around the day of the test, someone could think that it was Kira's doing and miraculously figure out the truth. Now there is no such problem. The 13-day rule will prove that I am innocent and L won't die. Meaning – he by no means could be controlled by Kira, right? _

Amused by this thought, Light started to chuckle, back in the height of his mood. He felt a spark of excitement running down his spine. He had done it again! He had proved to himself that he was able to overcome every obstacle, that he could outwit L for yet another time.

Alright, there was no point in putting that off any longer. He stuffed the piece of paper back into his watch, got up, and reached for his cell phone. He quickly chose Misa's number. If he wanted to carry out this plan, he needed a solid backup.

* * *

"What is this about?" L asked, when Light met him downstairs, in front of the building. 

"I wanted to go for a walk."

The detective stared at him with disbelief, which Light fully understood. They didn't have a habit of going for a walk even when it wasn't unexpected, in the cold, late November evening, and when things were much better between them. The excuse was weak, but that didn't matter. Light had decided it would be safer not to talk in L's room no matter how unlikely it was that the detective had any bugs planted there.

"For a walk? Light, do you know what time it is?" L's head was tilted while those huge eyes still examined Light distrustfully. "Do you have anything particular to tell me?"

"Yes," Light said shortly. "There's a nice park nearby. Let's go there."

Not waiting for L's reaction, he simply started walking and Ryuzaki followed him slouchily half a step behind. They didn't talk on the way. Light didn't feel like admitting that he was Kira in the middle of the Tokyo streets, however fairly empty now, and any other subjects seemed inappropriate at the moment.

When they got to the park, they wandered for a while down the dark alleys, until they came across the fountain. Light was glad to see that the area was deserted and decided to stop here. It was the same fountain he had once stumbled upon with Naomi Misora. Funny how this place became the spot of the most stressful conversations of his life. Seeing him halt, Ryuzaki sat down on the fountain's ledge, pulled his knees up, and gave him an expectant look. Light bit his lip, suddenly finding himself speechless. Damn, he hadn't expected that opening his mouth to say those three simple words would be so hard. Admitting the truth after such a long time seemed almost ridiculous. His legs moved on their own volition and carried him impatiently back and forth in front of the detective. At the moment sucking his thumb was almost tempting.

Unexpectedly, L took the burden off him.

"Kira," he offered, when Light had his back turned to him.

Light froze. A little startled gasp escaped his throat, but then he breathed deeply. Right. He'd given L enough time to think what it was that he wanted to talk about, and the detective as always came to a correct conclusion. Even if it wasn't correct, he'd cast this accusation so many times that once more didn't make a difference.

Only this time Light wasn't going to deny it. He slowly turned to L.

"L Lawliet," he countered, instead of simply admitting. The symmetry about it almost made him laugh. Now it was the detective who gasped. The panda-like eyes widened. And then narrowed.

"So, after all this time we've finally introduced ourselves to each other."

_And in such a charmingly twisted way_, Light added in his thoughts. So here he was, for the first time officially looking at Ryuzaki as Kira. And it wasn't so hard after all, was it? Relief that the hardest part was past him made his muscles weak, excitement of what was yet to come added shakiness. It was hard to stand, but he didn't feel like sitting next to L. So he forced his legs to obedience and launched another attack.

"How about a little more? Quillsh Wammy."

This possibly made even a stronger impression on L than his own name. He tensed, one hand grabbing the ledge, as if he were about to leap up. Then his body relaxed a bit, but the triangular jaw remained contracted, making the muscles on the rounded cheeks move in a very uncharacteristic for Ryuzaki way. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded different. Lower and strained.

"Did the shinigami tell you?"

"Rem is quite clever, it turns out. She found a way to… as you put it, contrive the rule."

"And why are you being so straightforward all of a sudden? Have you already written my name? What did you make me do? Give you the convict's data? How much time do I have?"

Light smirked humorlessly at the flood of questions. "I didn't write your name."

L's face twisted in surprise.

"I realized that I don't want to write your name. Killing you… would be a loss. I don't want to do it. But I can, any minute now. And I will, if necessary. And that should be enough. Because with that I can control you as if I were using the Death Note." L twitched minimally. Light felt a triumphant smile fighting its way to his face, but didn't let it surface. "So yes, what I want you to do is give me the convict's data. And once the rule is tested, close the investigation once and for all."

L nodded. He got up and for a moment stood straight, eyeing Light intensely. Their faces found themselves on the same level for maybe the third time since they had first met (horizontal situations excepted). Suddenly it occurred to Light that he might just taste another of L's amazing kicks, and he tensed on impulse, preparing to counterattack. But the detective only snorted and slouched again. He stuck his hands into his pockets, turned on his heel, and moved in a quite quick gait along the ledge.

Light caught up and moved along.

"That's very risky, you know," L spoke, gaze fixed on the ground. "Aren't you afraid that I'll think of some way to stop you? If I get it correctly, control with the Death Note is absolute. Control with blackmail isn't."

"That's a nuisance, yes. But I took good care to secure myself. Misa already knows your and Watari's names as well. She is instructed to write them if anything happens. Anything meaning a signal from me or unexpected guests from the police, knocking at her door. And I hope you realize that before you manage to convince anyone about my guilt, I or Misa will write your name a dozen times."

"Yes, that is probably true," L admitted. "But how do you imagine that? Do you want to have me on your hands for all your life? Do you really believe that once I close the investigation you will be safe? If L is alive and Kira continues killing, L should by all means open the investigation again."

"Ryuzaki," Light spoke with dark amusement, "are you telling me to kill you?"

He got a wry smirk in return. "No, of course not."

They left the fountain's square behind and entered one of the alleys. An occasional lamp lit their way and a few couples could still be seen wandering along the other alleys, so the atmosphere wasn't eerie and Light was strangely thankful for that.

"L can admit publicly that he is unable to defeat Kira and give up," he offered a solution. "That's true that killing you would be a better option, but we both know that I have a certain… sentiment for you. And be sure that I _will_ be able to control you. Remember, your name is not the only one I know."

He could swear that he heard a growl. Did L do that? Out of all the habits L had, growling was not one of them. The detective directed his steps to the closest bench and sat down again. His half-closed eyes gave his face an expression of utter distaste. His gloomy gaze was fixed on some point before him, purposely avoiding Light.

"You do realize that in such circumstances it's over between you and me," he detective spoke coldly.

Light had expected that. Of course he had. There was no way L would willingly come to his bed in a situation like this. He himself couldn't imagine happy sex with someone he'd just blackmailed. Still, those words stung.

"At least you are alive," he pointed out with reproach. "Aren't you happy about it? Isn't that the better option?" L didn't answer and Light felt anger growing inside him. That arrogant bastard! His life had just been spared and he dared to sulk! "Besides," he added viciously, "now I can force you."

Ryuzaki's eyes moved abruptly and finally met his gaze. _That's right, L_, Light thought, decision immediately forming in his mind. _I can do it. I can control you in more than one way now, and if you want to live, you have to do what I tell you. And damn if I let you ditch me like that. You are in no position to set the rules. _

They eyed one another for a long moment. Finally L's heavy eyelids lowered to half-mast again and the detective snorted.

"Happy together, eh?"

"You will learn to admire Kira. One day you will see the effect of my work and realize that I was right all along."

"I don't think so."

Light supposed there was no point in discussing it now.

"I want your answer, L."

Silence. Ryuzaki averted his gaze again and seemed to be contemplating that.

"Give me time till tomorrow," he finally said. "I need to think it over."

Light considered it. Did it pose a threat? No greater than this whole situation. Sooner or later he would have to let L out of sight. He wasn't going to cuff them together like the detective had. And in such moments all that was left, was trusting his backup. Yes, a risk, an inconvenience. But that was better than giving up. And better than killing L.

And in any case, L had no better proof against him now than he had an hour ago. He could do nothing. And if he decided to say no, Light would simply control him with the Death Note and get the convict's data anyway. Or at least so L would believe.

"Alright," he said. "But remember, one wrong movement…"

"Yes, yes, I know."

"And one last thing," he added, sitting next to Ryuzaki at last. "Give me your cell phone."

L winced, immediately guessing his intentions. "Oh, please, Light. This is not my style."

"Your cell phone, L," he repeated, holding his hand out to the other youth.

Ryuzaki sighed and dug into his pocket. He placed his mobile on Light's extended palm. Light browsed the catalogues, looking for audio files, but none of them was their recorded conversation. He also checked the latest connections, just in case, but the last outgoing call was dated a few hours ago. Without a word, he gave the phone back to L.

"Satisfied?"

This time it was his turn to evade the answer.

"So leave," L finished.

Light looked at him incredulously. "What?"

"I said leave. I don't feel like walking back with you."

"What about you?"

A smirk. "Do you think I can't take care of myself?"

"But… I don't want to leave!" Light exclaimed, immediately becoming aware how childish it was and kicking himself for that.

Those black eyes shot him a glance, suddenly sharp. "You are not controlling me yet, Light. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. For now, please, leave me alone." Those polite words were countered by a hard, threatening tone.

Light clenched his teeth. "Very well. But when you decide tomorrow… and I am sure you will make the correct decision… this time I will await you in _my_ room. With all the data I want. And you _will_ stay for the night."

With that, he turned on his heel, trying not to show anger in his movement, and walked away.

* * *

**Author's note: **The blackmail idea belongs to Danielle Anderson. If you find a similar idea in one of her stories, keep in mind that it was her who came up with it first, not me. I was also inspired by many fanfics that convinced me that in a situation I created Light would try plotting something rather than just give up. This thought bothered me, so I started to wonder what in that case he would do… and came to blackmail. It was the only thing that seemed reasonable, plus it gave me the plotline I just couldn't resist. 


	8. Chapter 59 verB: Surrender

**Chapter 59: Surrender**

He wandered alone down the dark corridor. His steps reverberated against the metal walls, the sound creating an eerie, somewhat claustrophobic atmosphere. Which, considering his current mood, suited him just fine.

He got to the elevator and descended a few levels. When the doors opened at the main investigation room, Matsuda glanced up at him from where he sat in the armchair, brows raised in surprise. It was the middle of the night, everyone was supposed to be asleep in their quarters; only one man was always left on guard to watch the terminal and the shinigami.

"What is it, Ryuzaki?" the young officer asked.

Ryuzaki ignored him and instead looked at Rem. The shinigami stood in her usual place, in her usual slouchingly-limp position. She could stay like this for hours – unmoving, saying nothing, shut off; he suspected it was a shinigami's equivalent of sleep. At first it gave them creeps – a big monster hovering like that in the main room was unsettling to say the least. Now they had mostly gotten used to it. Actually, Ryuzaki thought wryly, it was less unsettling than if the shinigami suddenly decided to take a nap, lying on the couch, covered with a blanket.

At the moment Rem wasn't dozing. His arrival apparently had stirred her into attention. She stared at him, not even trying to hide the hostility in her gaze.

"Matsuda-san," he said. "Why don't you take the night off? I remembered I had some work to do, so I can as well replace you."

Matsuda frowned skeptically. "B-but I already spent half of the night here, you know. I'll be sleepy in the morning."

"You can take a free morning as usual."

"Oh?" The man's face lit up. "Very well then." He closed the book he was reading and got up. "Then I'll be off." Not waiting even a minute longer, the policeman retreated to the elevator, passing L on the way. Ryuzaki stood there, giving him a reserved smile, until the doors swooshed closed and the lift moved up.

He wiped the forced expression off his face and moved to the terminal. A comm connecting him with Watari's room activated before he got there.

"What is it, Ryuzaki?" the old man asked.

Of course, Watari had his own ideas on keeping an eye on things. He stayed up almost every night, usually going to sleep in the morning, when the team began to gather. As much as it could prove very helpful, it definitely wasn't good for his aged body.

"Nothing special," he said leaning over the microphone. "We will talk later, alright? For now I am turning the cameras off."

A momentary pause. Then: "Are you sure it's all right?"

"Yes, I am sure. Take a rest, Watari. I told you not to strain yourself like that."

Another pause, and then a sigh. "Very well, sir." And the comm snapped quietly when the Englishman disconnected.

He stood over the panel, glancing down at it for an instant, still slightly hesitant, then he shifted his hand over the row of camera switches. Flicking them, one after another. He moved his hand to another, shorter row and did the same with the sound recorders. Until there was not a single device surveying the room.

He felt Rem's curious glance on his back but ignored it. He turned and walked to the huge table in the center of the room. It was their main storage area. It was piled with various stuff: papers, video cassettes, CDs and DVDs – recorded and blank… two old boxes of donuts, mostly emptied. There was also a plastic container holding the Death Note. It was locked, but through its transparent lid the black notebook was clearly visible. Ryuzaki bit his lip, looking at it, then, taken by an impulse, moved his gaze to Rem.

"Light Yagami is Kira and Misa Amane is the Second Kira," he said, looking straight at her. "There is no point in playing games any longer. I know it. Light told this to me tonight."

Her only visible eye widened and she stirred minutely, but said nothing. He gestured at the panel behind him.

"The surveillance is off. We can speak freely." When she was still silent, he sighed. "I see, you don't believe me. How about this? You gave Light my and Watari's names. He said you found a way to contrive the rule. He came to me saying that he is Kira and that he will write our names unless I give him the data of the convict and close the investigation after the 13-day rule is tested."

She stirred again. Her face changed, distrust now replaced by understanding – at least he supposed so; he wasn't too good at reading shinigami's facial expressions. Seeing this, he continued:

"I am very curious why you did it. You repeated all the time that shinigami don't help humans and it seems to be true. So why? Why did you contrive shinigami's rules to help Light?"

She looked around, still somewhat distrustful. Her gaze slid from one camera to another, checking if they were really off. She once again glanced at the terminal. It seemed she really wanted to say something.

"If you don't believe me about the cameras, you can check everything for yourself."

"It's alright. I believe you."

He nodded, feeling a twinge of satisfaction. He stuck his hands into his pockets and moved to the armchair where Matsuda had sat. He leapt into it over the armrest and took a seat.

"So, shinigami?"

"I wasn't helping Light. For him I wouldn't lift a finger. I was helping Misa."

He raised his brows at her, questioningly.

"Originally Misa was the human I stayed with. I care for her. I don't think she deserves what awaits her once she is convicted."

"How come?"

For a few more seconds she stared at him silently, as though still unsure whether she should talk to him. Finally her skeletal chest moved in something that might be a sigh.

"All your theories so far – about Kira's identity, passing the ownership, losing memories, writing on the cut-off pieces of the notebook, all this is true. Yes, Light Yagami is Kira. Misa Amane is the Second Kira, and Higuchi was also Kira for a while. However it is Light who should be considered the mastermind of all this. Misa is just his pawn, just as Higuchi was. Light was the one who doctored the plan with clearing himself through losing and regaining the ownership. Misa is just a girl who fell deeply in love and tried to gain love in return."

"That doesn't justify her murders," he pointed out.

Rem shook her head. "The reason why I said that she doesn't deserve punishment is different. It is the impact the Death Note has on human psyche. It is claimed that finding the Note is a great misfortune for a human. It is so, because of that notebook they lose their true self. It _makes_ them kill."

He twitched, hearing this. The impact of the Death Note on human psyche… Yes, wasn't it what he himself was suspecting? He had been thinking about it since he'd seen how Light and Misa both changed all of a sudden back then, when they lost their memories. As much as someone like Higuchi wouldn't surprise him as a potential murderer, Misa completely didn't fit the picture. He remembered the sweet girl she had been when she lost her memories. Sure, somewhat obsessive, trying to pose as dark (which didn't work the slightest bit), but all in all she was just a young, cheerful, carefree, and completely harmless girl. Would someone like that kill a single person if something hadn't affected them? It also cast a bit more scientific light on the fact of losing the memories. If detaching from the notebook was a psychological shock, it could indeed result in memory loss. He felt a shiver of excitement. To suspect it was something different than to actually hear it. To find out that his suspicions were correct was always his favorite kind of excitement. To find that _this_ suspicion was correct… He leapt up from the armchair and started pacing, unable to contain himself.

"Are you telling me that the notebook owner is unable to control their actions?"

"No, I can't say that. They do control their actions, they are not insane. There were several cases of people owning a Death Note in the past, and a part of them did resist killing. But it was a tiny part. Two, maybe three people. And I don't even know whether it was before they initially tested the notebook, or after it. But most of the owners killed, repeatedly."

He stopped and glanced up at her.

"You mean that there are cases of Death Note owners in the past?"

"Yes. Several."

"How come history didn't note any past Kiras then?"

"Because there were no Kiras before. None of those past owners came up with the idea that Light Yagami did. They killed out of personal interests – their enemies, people who stood in their way, people whose death could bring them profits, or simply people they didn't like. Usually a few times during the whole period of owning a notebook, when need arose. In fact Misa and Higuchi also killed egoistically. Misa started acting as Kira because she wanted to meet the original Kira, and Higuchi acted as one only because it was Light's condition for him to be able to use the notebook. Light Yagami is the first one who is using the Death Note like this. He is very… inventive, I must say. On one hand his intentions are noble. He is the only one who doesn't use the Note for his private purposes. I saw what Higuchi did, I heard much of the others, and I can assure you, some people are really disgusting. Light believes that he serves a higher goal, that he is creating a better world. On the other hand, no one before him had become a mass murderer."

"Yes," Ryuzaki murmured, dropping his gaze. "A mass murderer."

He felt a strange sting at those words, almost a physical pain right under his ribs. If Rem had said that the Death Note owners didn't control their actions, it would have been easy. He could ascribe everything to the outward power, there would be no guilt. But as it was… even considering Rem's revelations, it couldn't be denied that Light Yagami _was_ a mass murderer. The man he'd come to… love? was a mass murderer. If there was one true Kira, it was Light. Misa Amane on the other hand… L never doubted in Rem's words about her, they matched his own observations too well… and in that case Misa should indeed be pitied rather than punished.

Just as this thought crossed his mind, Rem suddenly wobbled. A tremor ran though her body, shaking her skeletal limbs, and the projections on her shoulders started… falling apart. He turned to her, staring at it incredulously. It suddenly looked as if she were made of sand, too dry to hold the shape.

"Rem? Shinigami, what's happening?"

The answer was even more surprising, uttered with something that looked like a smile.

"It looks like I saved her aft–" Her jaw fell off its hinges, her nose broke off, then her head and the rest of her body followed, crumbling and breaking away, until all that was left of her was the mound of dust.

He took a hesitant step towards it.

"Oh–" he managed. "What…?" He couldn't even find words. Articulating seemed silly. What had just happened? What did those last words mean? Could it be Light? No, but why? How? And could a human kill a shinigami? Hardly possible. So perhaps… consequences of breaking the rules? He shook his head. No, guessing without premises was pointless.

He blinked when he noticed a little black object sticking out of Rem's leftovers. It looked like… he came up closer. A notebook. A _Death Note_. Yes, didn't she say that shinigami were carrying those things? Funny that it wasn't destroyed with her. He bent down to it on impulse, but then stopped. If he picked it up, would he become its owner? He didn't want to become an owner of such a thing. And even if he gave up his ownership he would lose his memories… wouldn't he? He couldn't allow himself to lose anything he heard here. Someone else would have to take it.

He scratched his head, wondering what to do. He supposed Watari was already asleep. What a luck, just when he'd sent him to rest… It only confirmed the words that the old man always told him. Every Batman needs his Alfred, every L needs his Watari. He snorted at the thought with bitter irony and produced the cell phone from his pocket. A moment later Watari's somewhat sleepy voice sounded in the receiver.

"What is it, Ryuzaki?"

Ryuzaki rubbed his nose. "Watari, I am very sorry, but I need you here."

* * *

When in the morning Light entered the main room, his father and Mogi stood at the table, examining some paper. They raised their heads to greet him, then immediately went back to reading. Ryuzaki sat at the terminal, typing quickly. He ignored him completely, but it was nothing unusual. Aizawa and Matsuda were nowhere to be seen. Aizawa usually came later, as he drove here from home, and Matsuda had a free morning after the night shift with Rem. 

Light instantly felt the agitated atmosphere that hung over the room. At first he got nervous. Had Ryuzaki told them anything? No, hardly possible. If he had, they would have acted differently. They wouldn't have just stood there, discussing some paper.

On reflex, he looked around. And noticed one significant change. Rem wasn't in the room either. Feeling a shiver of anxiety, he came over to them quickly.

"What's happening? Where is Rem?"

Mogi glanced at him from over the printout. His face wore a unique expression of stupefaction. Instead of answering, he pointed his finger at the table. Light looked down and only now noticed that there was one new container sitting in front of them. It was full of… dust?

"What's that?" The moment those words left his throat he realized. It had to be… He felt his eyes going wide. "Are you telling me that this…?"

"Last night Rem… passed out, Light-kun," offered Ryuzaki from his place, swiveling in his chair to face them. "I guess that's the only way to call it. That's what is left of her."

Light's heart jumped in his chest at the sudden understanding, but he forced the very proper surprise-mixed-with-disbelief mask on his face.

"Died? But how is that possible? Do shinigami die? Why?"

"We don't understand it either, Light," his father spoke. "We made a chemical analysis, but just like with the notebook, it is giving us no clue."

Ah, the paper his father and Mogi were studying so meticulously.

"Where is her Death Note? She said she had one. Was it destroyed with her?"

This time Mogi's finger turned to the container holding the first Note, and Light noticed that now there were two notebooks inside. Of course the container was locked. Oh well. Not that he needed Rem's notebook for anything.

"So how did it happen? Why isn't Matsuda here? He should tell us…"

"Matsuda-san wasn't here when it happened, Light-kun." L got up, poked his hands into his pockets, and walked over to them slowly. "I was. And all I can tell you is that she suddenly started falling apart, changed into dust, just like that."

The detective stopped next to them. Those huge eyes that only now, in good light, were gray instead of black, met Light's gaze and held it inflexibly.

"We should see the records then," Light offered. "Her… death had to be recorded."

"There are no records." It was his father again. "There was a failure in the power supply when it happened. Nothing was recorded."

"We suspect that Rem's death has something to do with it," Mogi added. "That's hard to believe that shinigami might be… power supply dependant?… current sensitive?… but the timing is too perfect. Anyway, at the moment it's the only hypothesis we have."

Light nodded and turned away, unable to contain himself any longer. He raised his hand to his mouth in a thoughtful gesture, but that in fact only served to cover his smile. Power supply dependant… just to think what nonsense those guys came up with when there was no one around to direct their thinking. True, they didn't have the clues he had. And for him the explanation was clear. Ryuzaki had come here to get the data Light demanded. He asked Matsuda to leave and turned the cameras off so that they didn't film how he was copying the files. When he did this, the fate had been decided – Misa and Light would be cleared. And thus Rem saved Misa and died. Ryuzaki had to feign power supply failure to give the others an explanation of why her death wasn't filmed. Period. Plain and simple.

Light felt his shoulders hop up minimally as a silent chuckle shook them. Without Rem, things were even more convenient. No more questioning, no more tension. Let alone, he got his answer in advance. He already knew what Ryuzaki's decision would be. What it had to be. His heart was pounding like crazy, he was sweating with excitement. He didn't know how he would go through the day with a straight face. His mind kept replaying his favorite thought.

_I won!_

* * *

Of course Ryuzaki came. When Light opened the door, he stood slumped in the entrance, holding a CD in his hand. 

"I thought sending something like this by mail wouldn't be the best idea," he said.

"That's what I thought as well." Light stepped aside and gestured him to come in. Which L did. "Wait," he caught the other by his arm, "one thing before we proceed." And when Ryuzaki stopped, he moved behind him and slid his hands over the spindly body, searching it quickly.

"You definitely don't forget about anything," L commented.

"Thanks to that we are both safe. And by the by, I checked the room as well and will be checking it regularly, so don't bother. Alright, you are clean." He pulled back and held his hand out to L.

The detective gave him the CD without a word, and walked further into the room. He came over to the armchair and took a seat, curling in it. Light cast him a glance – Ryuzaki's protective pose giving him a twinge of vicious satisfaction – then went to his computer.

The CD contained a picture of a middle aged man – his nerdy, nasty countenance making him the epitome of a criminal, a file with his name and some data Light didn't really need, but slid his eyes through anyway, and an avi file.

"That's the recording we got from the prison," Ryuzaki explained from behind. "I assumed that you would want a confirmation that the data I gave you belonged to the right man."

Light nodded minutely, glad that the detective had come up with it himself. Without a word he played the file. It was five minutes long – starting at the moment when the man Light had seen on the picture wrote in the black notebook that clearly was the Death Note, and ending when the death of the other convict was confirmed by the doctors. The clock, also displaying the date, was for all the time visible in the frame – the hour and day were of course correct. Light pondered over it. It was hardly possible that Ryuzaki had fabricated something like this within one day, considering all the efforts and risk it would involve and all the reluctance he would meet on the way. If the detective wanted to give him a confirmation, this video served its purpose just perfect.

"Are you satisfied with it?" L asked.

"Not yet. First we'll run a little check."

He quickly opened a new mail and attached the picture. Without a name. He sent it, at the same time choosing Misa's number in his mobile. A few seconds later the girl's chirpy, enthusiastic voice sounded in the speaker.

"Light! You called me again!" On reflex Light drew back from the receiver, as if it could bite him. "Light must love Misa-Misa very much lately, calling her every night like that."

"Yes, Misa, of course I love you, haven't I told you that? Now, I have a request for you. Check your mailbox, I just sent you an e-mail."

"Yay!!!" she continued chittering. "Light is sending Misa-Misa love e-mails."

Light rolled his eyes. "Just check it, please, alright?"

"Alright, alright, doing it already." A moment of quiet, cheerful humming. "Got it!" And then with disappointment. "That's only a picture of some ugly guy. What is it?"

"I managed to convince Ryuzaki to cooperate with us. That's…"

He didn't manage to finish, because a loud, high-pitched squeak sounded right into his ear.

"Woow! Light! You did it! You are the best! Soon Misa and Light are going to live together and nothing's gonna part them!"

Since she couldn't see him, he didn't try to hide a wince.

"Yes, Misa, very soon. But for now I want you to tell me this guy's name. It's very important."

"Mmm? Very well. It's Hinzen Tomagoshi. Is that our guy?"

He glanced at the file on the screen. Hinzen Tomagoshi. Correct.

"Yes, that's him. One more thing. Send me a reply with this name written. I want to check the spelling."

He heard a quiet rustle on the other side, as if she shifted positions. "Misa is doing it right away." Her voice sounded a little muffled; she probably held the phone with her shoulder. "Light, do you remember we've got a date tomorrow?"

Huh? A date? Oh, right. He completely forgot that when they talked yesterday, he promised to meet her tomorrow morning. He sighed heavily. Life was hard.

"Yes, Misa, of course I remember, I can't wait for it."

"Misa can't wait either. Now. Sent it."

"Very well. Thank you. That will be all. Goodn–"

"Huh? Already? Aren't you going to talk to me a little? Come on, tell Misa something nice."

"I will tell you plenty of nice things tomorrow. Right now I am really busy. Goodnight."

"Liiii—" He cut off her whine, pressing the disconnect button, and sighed with relief. Why did she have to be such an idiot?

A window popped up on the screen, announcing that there was a new e-mail in his box. He opened it and read the contents. 'hinzen tomagoshi. MIsa loves Light!!!!!' He snorted with irritation. But the spelling was correct.

"You aren't too nice to her, are you?" spoke Ryuzaki from behind.

Light slowly turned to him. "I guess I am not," he admitted. "But she is annoying, it's her own fault. Weren't she so pushy, I would have treated her better. Now." He crossed his legs, leaning back in his chair. "Misa confirmed that the name fits the picture, the video also seems convincing. That of course doesn't mean that I am letting it go without any further checks. Also, if I see the wrong face during the test, if I notice _anything_ wrong during the test, I am immediately sending Misa a signal. I hope you considered all that and didn't try to pull any tricks with me."

Ryuzaki closed his eyes and shook his head. "I didn't pull any tricks. I assure you."

Light studied him for a moment. The guy sounded honest. And Rem was dead, which suggested that he _was_ honest. Light would of course take a closer look at the convict's identity tomorrow, it should be easy with all that he already had; for now, however, he felt satisfied. Now was the night and he felt like doing something that had nothing to do with the investigation. He felt his lips curl in a smile.

"I am glad you came to the right conclusion, L," he spoke. He received no answer. He didn't expect any. "I hope you realize that what I said yesterday about the… other matter, I meant it."

L nodded, eyes still closed. Light got up.

"Then come here."

The detective rose as well and slowly came over to him, gaze cast to the side, avoiding him. Light couldn't stop smiling.

"I'd rather you didn't, Light-kun," he spoke quietly.

Light frowned. "Why this '-kun' all of a sudden?"

"It seemed right."

Right? Light winced with an unpleasant feeling. The '-kun' meant distance. The '-kun' meant that L was shutting himself off from him. Light didn't want it. He didn't want L's sulking. With a sudden rush of anger, he grabbed the detective's twiggy arms and pulled him closer.

"Oh, so you are so unhappy with what I want from you, huh?" he hissed into L's face. "Two days ago you begged me to do it _harder_, although you were just as certain that I am Kira as you are now. You are a hypocrite, L."

Ryuzaki turned his head away.

"Two days ago I wasn't forced."

It angered him even more. This guy dared to oppose him. Defeated as he was, he was still against him. Ingrate! Well, Light would show him you didn't oppose God. Light would _make_ him agree. He shook the fragile body in his hands violently.

"You should be grateful that you are alive! You owe me that! I spared you so that you were in my perfect world with me. So that you could see me creating it. So that you could _join_ me! I could have crushed you like a worm, but I didn't. You should thank me!"

L winced. "Stop it, Light. Please, stop talking like this. You scare me."

"I am the winner in this game, L. And you are my main prize."

He grabbed the black, unruly strands in his hand and forced L's head to turn to him again. He crushed the detective's lips with his own. Ryuzaki pressed his hands against his chest, trying to push him away, trying to free himself, but didn't put much strength in it, apparently aware that he wouldn't be able to avoid what awaited him.

"Don't resist me," Light murmured through the kiss. "The more you resist, the more painful I will make it." He bit the other youth's lip, hard, drawing a gasp of pain from him. "You want this? It can leave marks. It might look very interesting tomorrow." Only now did Light notice that Ryuzaki was shaking. He truly looked scared. Something inside him twitched in protest, but the other, stronger part got even more angry. And this anger was mingled with satisfaction. Oh yes, just look at him. The great L shaking in Kira's hands, totally defeated.

He closed their lips together again. And gradually the resistance faded, leaving L slack in his arms, like a rag doll. Feeling this, Light released him and grasped the bottom of the white shirt, jerking it up unceremoniously. L allowed him to pull the clothe off, head turning stubbornly away.

He grabbed the detective again, pulling him into a fierce embrace. He knocked them over to the bed, landing on L, still kissing him. The other's hands clutched convulsively on his arms, but they weren't pushing him away anymore; they just were there, like a silent plea for mercy.

Light felt a primal growl in his throat.

_I will show you, L. I will teach you. I will make you yield to my will. _

He left Ryuzaki's lips, tracing the line of his angular jaw and down his neck. His hand found the fly of L's baggy trousers and fumbled with it frantically. Beneath him L drew loud, shallow breaths, and under his palm, Light could feel that his violent caresses didn't leave L completely unaffected.

"Tell me, Light," L's whisper was somewhat ragged. "How many rapists did Kira punish? Does a rapist deserve to die?"

This made Light stop. He lifted himself over the other youth and looked down at his flushed face.

"Don't give me that, L. This isn't rape. You knew the deal. You came here yourself."

"How many of those rapists do you think said the same? Should then Kira kill himself after he rapes me?"

Light's jaw contracted as he felt a growl of frustration rising in his throat. That guy! For a moment he wanted to slap L's cheek with all his force, he had a picture of it in his head, and then suddenly… there was distaste and his fury was gone as abruptly as it came. He pulled away from his would-be victim and got to his feet, looking down at him.

"Get up, L," he ordered. And when the spindly youth reluctantly stood up, he went on. "Undress. You may stay in your underwear. If you need to go to the bathroom, go. I won't 'rape' you, as you put it, but I am not letting you go. You sleep here."

Ryuzaki heaved a deep sigh, his shoulders sagging in clear relief. He didn't say anything, he just nodded and quickly got rid of his pants.

A few minutes later Light switched off the lamp on his nightstand and in the darkness found the skinny body in his bed. He wrapped his arm around it possessively. His skin touched the skin on L's back, bringing the pleasant, cozy sensation he knew so well. He wanted to kiss L's bony shoulder, but stopped himself. Now that his anger was gone, he felt somewhat ashamed. It was unlike him to act so rashly. Violence was never his way. It was just that L's obstinacy was so frustrating. If he just went freely… Still, Light was surprised how harshly he had acted that frustration out.

"Ryuzaki," he started, "L…" He hesitated, suddenly wondering. "What name should I use when we are alone?"

A slight shrug. "Whichever. I am quite used to Ryuzaki. Watari always calls me like that. But L is alright as well." L's voice sounded indifferent, flat, but at least it wasn't outwardly hostile.

"I guess I will call you Ryuzaki then. Or maybe L, after all? Oh well, we'll see. Anyway, I want to apologize. For my harshness. I don't know what got into me. I am sorry."

A moment of silence. Then: "Are you really, Light-kun?"

"What, you think that Kira can't be sorry? I am. I won't treat you like that again. And stop with that '-kun' already."

To that L didn't reply and soon Light stopped waiting for it. He tightened his grip until they were positively glued to each other and closed his eyes. Slowly, the feeling of happiness poured into him and made him smile. Here he was. The winner. The situation couldn't have been better. He would soon be cleared of all suspicions, he would be free to build his world, and at his side would be L – his most dangerous opponent who lost just by an inch. Just by an inch. This last thought made him smile too.


	9. Chapter 60 verB: Ambivalence

**Chapter 60: Ambivalence**

_November 12, 2004 _

"Waaaah!" Matsuda yawned loudly and stretched in his chair. "These days are really boring."

Ryuzaki glanced at him from over the sudoku he was solving. "I told you, Matsuda-san, I don't keep you here. You can leave any time you want."

"I'm starting to seriously consider it."

"Matsuda!" Soichiro Yagami scolded his subordinate.

"But I mean it, Yagami-san. Sitting here for the next few days may be a waste of time. All we can do now is wait. There is no need for all of us to be here. Some can take off. Or, if you want to stay, you can take one of those," he pointed at the pile of the logic puzzle magazines Watari had brought in the morning. "They are great to kill time."

"Perhaps for you, Ryuzaki." Matsuda started to stretch again. "As for me, I prefer a date."

"First find yourself one," Aizawa murmured under his breath, which earned him a glare from the younger policeman.

As if on cue, the elevator doors opened, revealing Light. Coming back from a date.

"That was quick, Light-kun," L offered wryly. "It's not even noon yet. Matsuda-san has just commented that there is nothing to do here."

Light shrugged. "Misa has a lot of work today. She had to go."

"I bet."

"Misa-Misa is becoming really popular," Matsuda mused dreamily. "Light-kun is so lucky to be her boyfriend."

No one paid him any attention.

Ryuzaki watched Light as the youth approached the table with today's papers. When his gaze fell on the pile of the brain-teasers, his face lit up.

"Oh, puzzles. Cool! The best way to kill time. Well, so much for boredom."

The others' glances jumped to him at those words, but that apparently escaped Light's attention. Without a second thought he grabbed the first booklet from the top – a copy of the same magazine L had in his hands. He came up to the lounge suite where the detective was seated, looked down at the issue L was holding, and smiled.

"_Brainstorm Weekly_, huh?" Ryuzaki nodded. "Which one are you doing?"

"Sudoku."

"Mmm, one of my favorites." He sat down and started leafing through his copy, looking for a puzzle to solve.

"How about logic pictures?" The question escaped L before he managed to stop himself. He was surprised that talking to someone who had almost raped him last night came so easily to him.

"Easy. But fun."

"I am always curious what I get to see on the picture."

Light let out a quiet, carefree chuckle. He chose a page and reached into his pocket for a pen.

"That's childish," he commented.

"I always claimed that I am childish."

Light chuckled again. "So how about a little match? We choose the same puzzle and see who finishes first. It will make the whole thing much more interesting than simply solving."

L watched him curiously. Was this an act? Was Light smiling at him only for the sake of the cameras and the rest of the team? The team couldn't see his face, as he had his back turned to them, and no one would check the records because nothing was happening. Before, he had a reason to play in front of L, now the reason no longer existed, but at least now he was acting exactly the same as always. He was the Light L knew.

_Well, it's quite natural that Kira is not plotting his next murders all the time. Sometimes he is just Light. Still, it's quite unsettling to look into Kira's eyes and see no one but a friend. _

He shrugged slightly, remembering Light's suggestion.

"Why not? You choose first."

The teen flashed him a grin, glanced down at his booklet, and named the number of a page. L turned a few pages over. Still in the sudoku section, the one labeled as hard. Figures. Luckily, he still hadn't gotten to this one.

"I should make you sit straight for once, you know?" Light observed. "We would see how smart you are without sitting like that. Like, half of the puzzles to solve while crouching and half normally. We could count the time, analyze your results in both positions, and compare them with mine."

"But then you should crouch for half of the trials as well," L countered. "We would see how smart _you_ are _sitting_ like that."

Light wrinkled his nose. "Well, maybe some other time. Come to think about it, we get too many possible variables. We would have to give some more thought to the methodology."

L nodded without a smile and they got down to sudoku.

* * *

He stood behind Light on the balcony of the teen's room and watched him, aware that the other was aware of his presence. Still, Light didn't turn to look at him. He continued to gaze at the city at night, leaning against the ledge and seeming particularly fond of the activity. 

"So what does Kira feel, looking at the world from so high?" L offered conversationally. "Are you imagining that it already belongs to you?"

"Sometimes," came the quiet answer. "But not right now. Now I was only staring."

It was stated so naturally that it had to be true. Ryuzaki regarded the brunette for another moment, weighing the next question that appeared in his mind.

"How is it to be Kira, Light?"

The youth stirred and looked over his shoulder. "Why are you asking?"

"I realized that I have a unique opportunity to talk to Kira. Why not do it? I am curious of many things. Plus, maybe I will talk some sense into you."

"I know perfectly what makes sense, Ryuzaki. Arguing with me makes none."

L came over to stand next to him and leaned against the ledge as well.

"But I may at least ask you questions. Can it do you any harm?"

"I don't think so."

"Then please, grant me the favor of answering them, Kira-sama."

Light winced minimally. "No need to bite, L. And sure, ask if you want."

L's hand rose to his mouth and he sucked his thumb, knowing full well how much of a bad habit it was. Oh well, he'd never tried to fight his bad habits, they helped him think. For a while he also stared at the city that would soon be Kira's. It was a strange feeling, standing here at Kira's side, feeling hardly any hostility, just like earlier today. At such moments Light felt almost Light. No, he felt completely Light. Maybe these were the moments the Death Note owners remembered after losing the ownership. They didn't forget the whole period – they kept track of things, mostly. They just didn't remember fragments concerning the notebook and filled the gaps with some invented memories. That had to be the way it worked.

"What interests me the most at the moment is… were you acting today when it seemed you had a good time with me solving those puzzles? How much of it was an act?" He turned his head and allowed himself to look at Light. He saw him against the background of the city lights and cobalt sky. The youth had closed his eyes and it seemed he heaved a little sigh. A minimal breeze stirred a few strands of his fringe, and momentarily Ryuzaki felt an urge to touch this chestnut hair. Light looked more beautiful now than possibly ever.

"Well, if you think that all that Kira does when no one is watching is wicked planning and mad laughter then you are very wrong. It was not an act. I had a great time. I do have a great time with you, Ryuzaki. Whether we solve logic puzzles, have sex, talk, or even plot against one another. With no one else have I ever had such a great time. That is mainly why you are still alive."

Ryuzaki smiled. Light gave him a straight-to-the-point answer, understanding his intentions right away. It shortened the whole process of getting there step by step.

"So Light is still awake inside there, after all," he mused. "I am glad I get to talk to him at least for part of the time."

The teen opened his eyes and met his gaze. "What are you talking about? There's no Light and Kira. Light _is_ Kira, that is all."

"The Light I knew for the three months when you didn't have your memories claimed that Kira was evil. He was afraid that he could be Kira. Do you remember that, Light-kun?"

Light shrugged. "I do remember. And now I know that that Light was wrong. Or rather, he was blind."

"I am wondering if it's possible to get to that Light now."

"Drop it, Ryuzaki. If you really want to divide Light and Kira, me from this morning would be Light, right? But if you asked me then if Kira was right, I would have answered yes. Just like I would do now and every single moment since the instant I regained my memory. No matter in what mood I am or what I do, this doesn't change."

"Yes," Ryuzaki sucked his thumb, staring past the younger male at the starry sky, "I was afraid you would say so. And in that case it really doesn't seem possible to just talk sense into Kira through Light."

Light snorted in annoyance and shook his head. "That's ridiculous, Ryuzaki. If you wish to see Kira in action and analyze him, I can show you. You will see I don't run amok or anything. It's just me."

Ryuzaki tilted his head. "Do you want to write in the Death Note in my presence?"

A smile. "Why not? Actually I thought it would be fun if you watched me writing Tomagoshi's name. Imagine that, L witnessing Kira's checkmate move. In fact I would miss it if you weren't present at that." That said, Light pushed away from the ledge. "Let's go inside." And he did. Ryuzaki shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants and followed him.

In the room Light opened a drawer of his bedside table and produced a piece of paper. Ryuzaki immediately recognized it as a piece of the Death Note. It had traces of being folded a few times. Interesting. Must be kept in some tiny compartment, which meant Light had deliberately prepared himself for this little show.

"Of course that's not a place where I usually keep it," the youth said as if guessing his thoughts. "And naturally, I will not show you the right place."

He sat on the bed and reached for a book. He placed the sheet on top of it and produced a pen from his pocket. The same pen he'd used to solve sudoku. Ironic. L could do nothing but stand there and watch. Then, with his neat, pretty handwriting Light scribbled:

'Hinzen Tomagoshi. Heart attack. 2004.11.19. 12:00'

L breathed deeply. Light looked up at him.

"See? That's all. That is so simple. Do you see any change in me? Do you see my eyes gleaming or anything?" However, as he spoke, his voice _was _different. It was thickened with wicked excitement and sounded as if Light were trying to contain a chuckle. L was aware that it was most likely a taste of final victory rather than anything else. Still…

Light took a short glance at his work, then, as if nothing had happened, put the book away and hid the paper in the drawer again. He looked up at L and rose.

"And now, Ryuzaki…" he whispered.

L swallowed, feeling what was coming.

"Please, don't."

"I told you, I will not treat you like last night. I want it to be nice for both of us. Still, I want it." His hand reached out, fingers hooking against Ryuzaki's shirt. "Please, cooperate. No," he corrected himself after a second thought, "I will _make_ you cooperate." With that the fingers pulled and L took a reluctant step forward. Damn, he had to bear it, he had no choice but to bear it. The rape excuse wouldn't work again, especially with Light trying to be gentle. He stilled himself for humiliation.

Light's hand came to the back of his neck and the younger man leaned to his lips. The kiss was slow and sweet. So slow and so sweet that Ryuzaki wanted nothing more but to melt into it. Still, he did his best not to return, not give in. At least not to give in at once. But it lasted so long… long enough for him to feel comfortable in it. And then Light drew him closer, heated up, pushed his tongue against his teeth, trying to part them, and suddenly Ryuzaki's head was spinning and he was opening his mouth, welcoming this tongue, as his arms came around the youth's waist.

"See? That's better," Light murmured.

L wasn't able to resist much more after that. He was soon stripped of his clothes and landed on the bed under the equally naked Light. He writhed and moaned under the youth's skillful caresses, and although he didn't initiate any by himself, he held Light tightly with his arms, flinching in inner protest every time his tormentor's chest pulled away from his own. He didn't resist when Light reached to his knees and opened his legs. He let him between them. And soon he was feeling him inside.

Physically it was as good as ever, or almost as good as ever. But it was tainted with the awareness that he was doing it with Kira. That he was _letting Kira do him_. He couldn't forget it, chase it away from his mind even for a second. Even at the moment when he came. For L it was the greatest defeat, all the more that his body was so willingly responding to everything Kira did.

When it was over, Kira held him in his close embrace like the last night. Like many nights before, and feeling even more disgusted with himself, L turned to face him and returned the embrace, clinging to Kira's body closely. His mind whined in despair. His body was unable to draw back even an inch.

* * *

He opened his eyes to see Light's sleeping face before him. The sunlight was slipping in through the window and, judging by the angle and his inner feeling, it was about 7 am. He glanced at the clock on the bedside table. 7:05. Oh well, they didn't really need to get up early these days. Perhaps he should already look for some other cases L could take up, but he didn't feel like doing that either. 

So instead he moved his gaze back to Light. The youth was turned back to the window and only half of his face was exposed to the sun. Sunrays were playing a funny light-and-shadow game on his features, creating a picture that positively made L short of breath. Light was so beautiful… Beautiful in a different way than he'd seen it last evening. Then there was haughtiness and determination in those soft lines, now the brunette was merely a sleeping boy. He seemed so innocent. L wanted nothing more but to reach out and stroke this smooth cheek with his hand. Who would have thought that this boy was the most dangerous serial killer that had ever graced this world.

_What made you become Kira, Light? Why didn't you just act like most people, but started passing judgements like that? Is that because of your superior mind? Do you feel so much better than the others that you think you have the moral right to decide their life and death? Your intentions were good, at least that is comforting. I just wish you hadn't become what you have in the process. _

He sat up and lowered his feet to the ground. His naked body and stickiness in certain places reminded him that Light wasn't so innocent after all. He rose and headed for the bathroom. When he was passing the nightstand on Light's side of the bed, he stopped and silently opened the drawer. There was some stuff, but definitely no piece of the Death Note. As expected. At night Light must have gotten up and hidden the sheet in its usual place. Oh well, L would be surprised if it turned out otherwise.

He closed the drawer and went to take a shower.

* * *

L's eyes stared at the piece of cake in front of him, then at the three others on the big plate seated between them, before finally rising to Light. 

"So what is it all about? Why did you bring me here?"

"I believe you wanted to ask me questions. We didn't talk much the other day after all. Now you have the chance. The café and the cake are just… well, encouragement."

"Oh," L murmured somewhat distrustfully, however his fork-armed hand was already digging into the dessert on his plate. "That's very generous of you, coming out with it yourself."

"That's not generous. I decided that I want to talk to you as well. You hope you will convince me, and I hope I will convince you. Keeping an eye on you all the time is a pain, much better is to have you on my side."

"I see." The same wry voice again. "So what do you have to tell me that you think can convince me, Light-kun?"

Without much eagerness Light reached for his own piece. He took his time to slowly, carefully settle it on his plate, bringing up the words he'd thought would be a good start.

"I am aware that by the law I am a criminal… a murderer. I am aware that formally what I do is evil. But I believe that this way I am able to create a better reality. So I decided to sacrifice myself—my conscience—to do it. And that's what I am doing. That's what Kira is doing."

The other stared at him fixedly. "Is that an ideology?"

"Yes, you can call it ideology." And when L's gaze didn't cease to be skeptical, he heaved a little sigh and continued. "Tell me honestly, Ryuzaki, do you really think the Death Note is evil? Just think. It kills, yes, but did it ever occur to you that it can also directly save lives? Like in situations involving hostages. Terrorist attacks, bank robberies. It's a perfect weapon in such cases. You can shoot an armed man who tries to put you down, but you won't even _see_ a man with the Death Note. More than that – knowing that such a man exists, you are discouraged to put yourself in trouble in the first place. How many innocent lives do you think I saved like that? Dozens. Like some superhero. Another example: a psychopath prowling in the area. Murderer, rapist, another wacko. Police can't catch him and he is getting more and more victims. If you only know the name and face of this person – which you often do – he stands no chance against the Death Note. You can even make him come to the police himself and testify."

"All this could be easily done by the police," L observed, his jaws working on the cake. Somewhere in the meantime when Light was speaking he'd busied himself with building a pyramid of several emptied creamer containers and now seemed completely absorbed with the activity. "You could have given the Death Note to them. Your conscience would be clear, no one would hunt you, and the Death Note would be in use. Why didn't you do it?"

Light shook his head. "When you have a bunch of people, they never do anything," he said with a little scornful snarl. "They sit and debate for ages whether something is right or wrong, they are too afraid to do things for which they might be criticized. All this damn social correctness… it will never get you anywhere. Only a single anonymous person can do it."

The detective was currently sticking empty sugar tubes between the plastic bricks of his construction, so that they jutted in every direction like thorns.

"But no one can control such a person," he muttered, leaning his head to get a better look at his work. "In effect he or she uses their private judgement, which is the most dangerous situation I can imagine."

Light decided that L's ostensible inattention was getting on his nerves. Here he was, trying to tell him _things_ and the guy seemed more concerned with some stupid food junk. L was always doing something with his hands, true, and Light knew that he listened, still…

"I've heard this before," he said, allowing some of the annoyance into to his voice. "Yes, that's the next point. I've heard _all_ that before. Do you think I don't visit Kira-related sites, don't read forums? Thousands of people have been discussing it for almost a year now. I am aware of all the arguments that have been put forward against Kira and I can counter all of them. They talk about the possibility of an error. But I always check those I choose to punish. They say that a criminal can be socialized, but you can see – by the profile of this criminal – if there is a chance for that. They say that Kira won't live forever and once he's gone, criminals will come back. But I can choose the right successor. I have decades to find him. They ask: 'What if such power was in the wrong hands?' That's true. But it isn't. It's in the right hands. In the very best hands. First, because I have a strong sense of justice; second, because I am a lot smarter than most people. And you can verify _that_. Truth be said, I am such a perfect person to possess the Death Note that it almost seems like destiny."

L raised his thin brow at him. "Oh so?"

His dubious voice almost made Light growl with frustration.

"Listen, Ryuzaki, can't you really see the difference between the way I punish the criminals and the way Higuchi did it? Or Misa at first? No, you do see it. You admitted it yourself. Higuchi was cruel and mindless, he killed any minor crook just to be able to use the Note for himself. Misa completely ignored some kinds of criminals that didn't concern her personally. They were selfish, this wasn't justice. They did things the true Kira, me, would never do. You saw it!"

"Still, you let them step into the breach," L pointed out. "Even now you have Misa do the work for you."

"There are situations when one has no choice. And Misa is now well instructed."

L nodded slowly. For a moment his hands stopped whatever they were doing and he looked from over the cake and his makeshift construction straight at Light. "Alright, I can see your point," he allowed carefully. "You are right, there is a difference between you and Misa and Higuchi. And I admit that what you said makes me… 40 percent relieved."

Light stirred with a sudden surge of stupid, childish hope. _Does it? Does it really?_ He barely managed to stifle those naive, redundant questions and keep the cool demeanor. He was suddenly trembling with excitement. Meanwhile L finished the second piece of cake (when had he started it?) and wiped his lips with his sleeve. His gaze went to the big plate.

"Aren't you taking it?" he asked, pointing a long, bony finger at the last piece.

"No, go ahead."

"I mean, four pieces. Two for each."

Light shook his head, excitement making this motion somewhat abrupt.

"No no, it's for you. I'm not a fan of sweets to begin with. And I don't want to get fat."

"You sure about it?" And when Light nodded, he simply pulled the big plate closer, pushing away the small one he had used. He stabbed the cake with his fork and shoved it into his mouth. "Like I once told Misa," he said, mouth full, "you won't get fat if you use your brain. You do use your brain, so you won't get fat. Just look at me."

This simple logic made Light smile.

"Still, sweets are unhealthy. I don't want to eat unhealthy food. Besides, you may be slim, but you often have a protruding stomach."

L gulped loudly, swallowing the contents of his mouth, and shot him a glance that suddenly was almost… panicky.

"I don't," he stated with a decisive air of denial.

"Oh yes, you do. No matter how great your metabolism is, if you eat a great capacity of food, your stomach will protrude. You do often have a protruding stomach. I don't want my stomach to look like that."

For a moment L stared at the cake with reproach, the fork hanging in his hand above it.

"How much does it protrude?" he finally asked.

Even though they were in the middle of a deadly serious discussion, Light almost burst out laughing. Did this sloppy, messy guy actually care for his looks? Impossible. Or… was it?

"Not much. And not always. But hey, don't worry, I like it."

L flashed him a glance of disbelief. "You like it?"

"Well, yeah, it's kind of cute. One of your little imperfections that can be easily corrected and that's why they are sweet. Not that I would like to see more of it, or more often, but as it is, it's okay."

L swallowed and put the fork down, although his gaze went wistfully to the cake. After a momentary hesitation, he pushed the plate away. Just slightly.

"Come on, Ryuzaki!" Light protested. "Don't take it so seriously. I told you, it looks sweet."

"No, thank you," L pouted. "I have just decided that my stomach is full enough. Anyway, I was saying— Yes, I do see the difference between you and Misa or Higuchi. Yes, you do kill more… say, sensibly. But that doesn't mean that I agree. That I could _ever_ agree. Even if deep inside I admit that some of the people you killed deserved death, I simply don't approve of what you do. Law is something many people have been creating for thousands of years. How come do you think you can be better than that?"

"But I _am_ better than that! The statistics show it. Kira is way more effective than a bunch of those big-heads. Since the moment I started using the Death Note, the rate of crime decreased by almost 75 percent worldwide. In just a year I achieved something no law ever did!"

L's eyes narrowed. "At the cost of many lives that shouldn't have ended. One could call it terror, Light."

Light's excitement started to change into annoyance again.

"Terror is when people openly show support, because they are afraid. And secretly they hate you. But you don't openly support Kira, it's morally incorrect. What you do is support him secretly, when you are anonymous. This is something completely opposite to what one usually calls terror."

L tilted his head and blinked, taken aback a little.

"Quite an interesting observation, Light-kun," he admitted finally. "Yes, I generally agree." Slowly, his hand fished for the fork again, cut a piece off the remaining piece, and brought it to his mouth. Light wondered if he was even aware of it. "However," the detective went on after he swallowed, "what you are really showing people is that if they commit a crime, they will die. You don't show them that committing crimes is wrong, or why it is wrong. You don't try to change their hearts. In effect they stop breaking the law out of fear, and not because they understand. _That_ is the terror I mean." The fork with another bite stopped in mid-air and L raised his gaze to bore his eyes into Light. "The truth is, Light, that your fight against evil made you no other than a mass murderer."

Rage hit Light with such force as previously had hope. At this moment, if he had held the Death Note in his hand and a pen in another, he would have written L's name without hesitation. How dared he? How did this bastard dare to call him that? Why couldn't he simply understand? Surely, he had intellectual potential, so why was he sticking with this stupidity?

"At least it's working," he hissed, barely managing to keep his voice low, barely remembering that he mustn't let his guard down in a public place. "Apparently punishment is what works with people, because all this moral babble doesn't. I clean the world of _filth_, L. I clean it of debris that only defiles it." He was aware that he shouldn't have said it. Those words were too hard to use them in a conversation like this. Even he, himself, rarely thought this way, only when he got overwhelmed by the righteous wrath. But spitting it out helped to soothe his nerves.

L kept his hard gaze without as much as a blink.

"And when you talk like that, you are the most scary," he countered in this strained, intense voice of his. And when Light didn't answer, he continued. "I also saw other things Kira did. I saw you killing people every hour for three days. Did you check so closely all of them? I don't think so. You were simply playing cat and mouse with the police and me. I saw you killing the FBI agents just to obscure the trail. If you are asking for some new argument, here is the one. People on the forums can't use it because they don't know those details. You used human life to challenge. You used it to experiment and to fight. Where was your justice then?"

"Those were necessary costs. I didn't kill those guys for fun, I needed those deaths. As for the agents, they stood in my way. Anyone who does is in fact backing the criminals I punish. They opposed God, so they deserved to die."

For a long while Ryuzaki regarded him without a word, eyes wide and almost amazed. Finally he sighed and lowered his gaze. His toes curled on the cushions tightly.

"If you really think so, Light-kun, I don't think I have any arguments against you," he said quietly. "Consider it your victory in this discussion, if you want. I just don't have anything more to say."

Light breathed deeply, but it wasn't a breath of satisfaction. He didn't feel the taste of victory at all. He glanced at his only half-eaten cake and L's two empty plates. He remembered the protruding-stomach exchange from just a minute ago and suddenly wanted to scream.

"Don't you see, L?" he whispered, leaning to the detective over the table. "I don't want to fight with you, I don't want to force you – to sex, to anything. I just want you to stand by me." He heard the plea and despair in his own voice, and swore at himself. Damn, he didn't want to sound like this, so… vulnerable. L apparently heard it as well, because his matte gaze rose to him again. "Really, hasn't this conversation taken us anywhere?" Light tried in a more collected tone.

"On the contrary, Light-kun," the detective said calmly. "I found out quite a lot about Kira today." With that, he grabbed one of the sugar tubes in his neat construction and quickly snatched it out. The pyramid collapsed on the table. Light stared at it, fascinated. Somehow, it matched his feelings just perfectly.


	10. Chapter 61 verB: Acceptance

**Chapter 61: Acceptance**

_I don't want to be here_, Ryuzaki thought, standing next to Light in front of the headquarters building, looking at the limo pulling over to the curb. Still, Light had wanted him to come down and he hadn't quite had an option to refuse. It didn't really matter if Misa saw him now – the girl knew his name anyway; it was just another way of Light shoving his victory into L's face. And that was exactly why L would rather avoid this situation.

The car came to a halt, the rear door opened, and the blonde pest jumped out of it with a squeak.

"Liiight!!!"

Momentarily Light was covered by her obtrusive hugging and reluctantly hugged her back. Ryuzaki nodded at Watari sitting behind the wheel. The car pulled out and turned over the corner, where the ramp led to the headquarters' underground parking lot.

The fondling next to him lasted for another few minutes, finally Misa unglued herself from Light and turned to Ryuzaki. She sent him a grin, showing an even line of teeth.

"Hello, Ryuzaki. Nice to see you again." L heard a little, very purposeful note of spite in her voice. "Let's see…" her gaze wandered above his head. "L Law-liet," she pronounced slowly as if she were reading. What was it? Did he have letters floating over his head? Misa smiled viciously. "Guess what, Light? Rem was right, his name really is L. Wonder who named a kid like that. Hey, L, Light beat you. And you know why? Because Light is the best." She stuck out her tongue at him, but then grew a little pouty. "I wish Rem was here to see this."

L decided to ignore her teasing. He sucked his thumb, studying her with interest, suddenly struck by a thought.

"I wonder where is _your_ shinigami now, Misa-san," he mused.

Light chuckled. "He is right behind you. By the way, hello Ryuk," he added, looking over L's shoulder. Of course, there was no answer. On impulse, Ryuzaki turned and looked at the same spot.

"Hello, Ryuk," he said to the air.

Misa giggled.

"He waves at you and also says hello," Light translated. "He says he wished to say 'how do you do', but he can't, since he's seen you many times before."

L shuddered. All this situation was like some bad joke. The jolly family-like atmosphere of the Kira couple and their shinigami pet made him want to wince. They probably had the best fun teasing him like that. But he knew that the shinigami most likely really was there.

"He seems a nice fellow," he murmured wryly.

"He is a sarcastic bastard. Never helps you, like Rem did. Just laughs at you."

"Oh, come on, Light, he is nice," Misa protested, hopping back to Light and plastering herself to his arm. "Right, Ryuk?" Silence. "See? You know what? Maybe we could let Ryuzaki see him after all."

"I'd rather not. I can't see right now how it could be harmful, but with L you never know."

"But you know what, Light?" Misa raised her ecstatic gaze at him. "I am glad that you didn't kill him."

L felt his brows rise in surprise. Strangely enough, she sounded as if she meant it.

Light glanced down at his girlfriend with some interest. "Why?"

"Because he is a nice guy after all. He said Misa has guts and that Misa's love for Light is priceless. And he is the only person who smacked me in the head and told me he would kick me." She flashed Ryuzaki a quick grin. "I liked that."

"Do you like being kicked, Misa-san?" L expressed his mild interest. She frowned at him.

"That's not it, dummy. You were just being funny. Misa likes funny people. Besides, I like your looks."

"You are the only person who has told me that they liked my looks, Misa-san," Ryuzaki returned. "I guess I thank you."

Misa seemed amused by that. "And I kissed you," she pointed out as if expecting something.

"I am not going to tell you that you are the only person who kissed me."

At that, Light's gaze switched to him, but the youth remained silent.

"But I _will_ kill you if Light tells me so," Misa concluded solemnly. "I won't be happy about it, but I will do it."

"Oh, I am sure you will."

"Let's go inside," Light cut their exchange at last. "It looks like it's going to rain." He dragged Misa slowly towards the building, and Ryuzaki moved one step behind them. "Just one thing, Misa," the youth added. "Remember to be careful about what you say when we are inside. Ryuzaki claims that there are no cameras in your room now, but with him you can never be sure. Best have Ryuk check it for you. Have him check it for you every time after you have gone out. Promise him a big basket of apples and he will be eager to cooperate." Light turned his head to the left. "Right, Ryuk?" After another moment of silence he smirked and turned back to Misa. "I told you, he's an addict. But even so, be very careful. Avoid going out and under no circumstances talk as Kira in the corridors. Got it?"

"Of course. Misa would never forget about the cameras," the girl sounded slightly hurt. "But I still don't get it. Why did you make me come here again?"

"Since authenticity of the 13-day rule is questioned, we are still officially suspected. The guys from the team believe in our innocence, so they are not a problem, but there will be more people watching the show and for them it would look very strange if one of the suspects was free at home."

"Oh." Misa nodded her blonde head, then clung to Light's arm even tighter, positively hanging herself on it. "But actually I'm glad to be here. We'll be sleeping in the same building and you don't have to drag Ryuzaki behind you anymore." She giggled. "Which means, you'll be able to visit Misa at night."

L was sure he heard Light gulp, but then the youth spoke in a perfectly even voice.

"I'd rather not, Misa. I am quite nervous about this situation. I'm not really in the mood. Withhold yourself a little, will you? It's just two more days and everything will be over."

Ryuzaki thought detachedly that he'd already learnt how to tell when the young Yagami was hiding his emotions. He was so composed then as if he were talking to a wall about the weather. The mask was perfect, but for L it was now too perfect.

Misa pouted again, but then nodded. "Okay, Misa-Misa will be a nice girl for a little more. But once it's over…"

"Once it's over, we will celebrate, I promise," Light cut her off.

At the moment, Ryuzaki felt almost sorry for him. He wondered how Light would cope with the girl. It was unlikely that he intended to kill Misa, after all she had the eyes. Would he really be able to fulfill his 'marital duties', considering how his face looked just when she clung to him? Ryuzaki couldn't even feel jealous.

"Lovely couple, eh, Ryuk?" he murmured to the air on his left. He wondered if the shinigami answered him.

* * *

"Nothing," Soichiro Yagami murmured, staring at the window that had popped up on the screen. "It's been almost a week and still nothing." 

"You hear it, Ryuzaki?" Matsuda turned to L with excitement. "There is no mistake about it. Kira's activity has stopped again."

"Yes," L admitted, not sparing the young officer a glance, while his pencil marked another line of squares in a logic picture he was solving. Beside him, Light was busy studying today's paper. He raised his head casually to show his not too surprised interest, then went back to reading.

"Ryuzaki will probably say that it's because we detained Misa-Misa again," Matsuda offered with reproach.

Ryuzaki rolled his eyes. "No, I won't. Amane arrived here today, and Kira hasn't been active for six days."

"I wonder what it means," Aizawa mused. "I don't understand it. He stops, then starts over, then stops again. It doesn't seem to make sense."

"If the 13-day rule is true, perhaps he died," Mogi risked. "Come to think of it, we'd been in possession of the Death Note for thirteen days when it stopped."

Matsuda jumped up with enthusiasm. "That's right! That must be it! See, Ryuzaki? That's the proof you've been looking for. We didn't need to kill anyone to check it."

Light's gaze rose from over the paper again. "That doesn't prove anything, Matsuda-san. That Kira didn't kill anyone in the last few days doesn't mean that he is dead. He could simply skulk to deceive us. He did such things before."

Matsuda's face fell. "Oh. Right. Of course."

"And since we don't want to let him get away, we have to actively test the rule to see if it is working. Certainly, I want to do it. Otherwise I will never feel completely cleared."

"But something doesn't seem right here…" Soichiro Yagami mused. "There were a few days, after we obtained the notebook, when Kira was active – and killing newly-announced criminals. How could that possibly be?"

"Perhaps Ryuzaki is right about writing on separate sheets." Light turned the page in the newspaper, focusing on another article, as if the conversation absorbed him just marginally. "He could have some spare separate sheets and use them, while the rule applies to writing namely in the notebook."

Matsuda scratched his head. Aizawa rubbed his nose. And Mogi and Soichiro Yagami simply stared at Light somewhat dumbly.

"Yeah, that would work," Mogi concluded finally.

The chief's gaze turned to L. "What do you think about it, Ryuzaki?"

The detective bit the inside of his lip to contain his anger. "That makes sense," he judged. He put the puzzle magazine away and got up. "I say, if the rule is true, that's probably how it is." With that he headed for the elevator, hoping that no one would ask him where he was going. He was wrong.

"Where are you going, Ryuzaki?" It was Light. Of course.

He shrugged. "There's nothing to do here anyway. I thought I could keep Misa-san company." Here, that should effectively discourage Light from following him. And it did. The youth shrugged in return and went back to the paper.

When the elevator doors cut him off from view of the others, he leaned heavily against the lift wall, fighting an urge to fold his legs and sink to the floor. Let Light unfold his brilliant plan, he didn't have to sit there and watch it; he knew that plan anyway. Of course it would be strange if L closed the investigation while Kira was active, so Light had instructed Misa to stop killing again. And now he'd delivered the team an explanation that was as logical as it was unverifiable. Just perfect. With that, everything was buttoned up.

L sighed hard, staring at the ceiling. He really wished it was over.

* * *

Misa wrinkled her pretty nose at seeing him in the doorway. 

"Why are you here and not Light?"

He gave her a little miserably amiable pout. "Misa-san doesn't want me here? Light-kun is very busy right now. He couldn't visit you, but I thought you could use my company as well. Of course, if you want me to leave, I will."

She pondered over it for another minute, then her nose wrinkled again. "Oh well, it's okay. You're always some entertainment. Come in." With that she stepped away, letting him in.

"Entertainment, huh," L murmured under his breath, following her inside. He wondered how to entertain a girl; he had little experience in that area. If Misa by some means thought of him as funny, it had to be coincidence. "So…" he tried, "how about a game?"

He had an impression that his charm was somewhat raw, but Misa didn't seem to mind it. She busied herself with tidying her sofa from some fashion magazines and something that looked like cosmetics samples.

"What game? Misa doesn't play many games. Might be poker or checkers."

He stopped himself from wincing. "Whatever you please, Misa-san."

Five minutes later they were seated across each other, a checkers board on the table between them. (Of course Watari had found one in stock and delivered it with light speed, along with a teapot and some much desired chocolate cookies.) Ryuzaki hardly noticed the game, completely uncaring whether he would win or lose this time. Instead he sank his teeth into the cookie and watched Misa, who was considering her first move with the greatest concentration.

"I must say I am really grateful for what you said about not killing me, Misa-san," he started a polite conversation. "I am glad that you still consider me a friend."

Before they sat down, Misa had announced happily that Ryuk had just checked him for bugs, so he knew they could talk openly. He hadn't noticed her giving any signs, let alone ordering it aloud, but probably it was another of Light instructions. Really, wasn't that guy brilliant? In any case, he didn't think she was bluffing.

The girl shrugged lightheartedly. "Sure I consider Ryuzaki a friend. After all, you are funny and cool-looking. I'm glad you don't hold a grudge against Misa-Misa. I just do what needs to be done." With that she moved a checker and he automatically answered.

"Of course. However, I am a little surprised that Light made you bring the notebook into this building. It's risky, you know. Someone could find it with you."

She gave out a little evil chuckle. "Who said I have the Death Note with me? Of course Light wouldn't let me bring it here. It's hidden in a very safe place where you will never find it. Ha!" With the last word, she glanced at him with wicked satisfaction.

"Ah. I see. But in that case you cannot kill me."

"Oh, Misa can kill Ryuzaki all right, don't you worry about it."

Ryuzaki almost rolled his eyes. Playing with Misa wasn't even close to a challenge. Still, he felt a tingle of contented relief at obtaining this little piece of information. For a few minutes he fixed his gaze on the game, pretending to be absorbed with it.

"So, Misa-san," he took up after what he thought was a good breath, "are you really happy with what Light-kun makes you do?"

Her shrewd eyes narrowed suspiciously at him, while her teeth bared in a cunning grin.

"Are you trying to trick me into something, Ryuzaki? I won't fall for your tricks."

He pouted at her. "Oh, come on, Misa-san, I am not trying to trick you. Why do you think I am so nasty? Just a friendly conversation. I am curious, is all."

For a while she still studied him with her scrutinizing gaze, finally she gave up.

"Oh well, I guess you're being honest. What could you do to me, anyway?" She refocused on the checkers, jumped two of his black ones, and swept them from the board with a brief grin. He gnawed on another cookie, wondering if she would continue. She did. More quietly than usually, and staring fixedly at the board. "I like what Light does, I really do. He is cleaning the world of scum like the ones that killed Misa's parents. I will always support it. Only that… I'm a little tired of doing it myself. I would gladly get rid of some girls from my work, or this stupid Kiyomi Takada," she said with more vigor and sighed dreamily, apparently envisioning the said girls dead, "but killing all those criminals… it should be done by someone better, someone like Light. I hope, when all this is over, he will take it off me for good."

"And this is what you want, Misa-san?"

"Misa just wants to be Light's girlfriend, that's all," she said, suddenly firm again. "If it takes punishing criminals as Kira, Misa will do it, no matter if she likes it or not. Misa will do anything for Light."

He tilted his head. "Anything?"

"Yes."

That was it, here was his answer, he supposed he didn't need to go any further. He was tempted to ask one more question, to make sure to the smallest detail, but with Light's caution it would be too risky. So instead, he shook his head and put on a face of admiration.

"You must love him very much, Misa-san."

He saw her features light up at those words, but at the same moment another picture stood before his eyes – of Light and himself in the night. His throat tightened, because he suddenly felt like a rotten bastard.

* * *

It was raining. Badly. 

Thick drops of rain splattered on the concrete roof tiles and rolled down the huge satellite dishes, creating showers of water underneath. The rain rustle sounded like a static crackle; only the bells in the nearby church could be heard over this noise. The puddles on the roof reflected the gray mosaic of the cloudy sky. The whole world was gray.

He stood in the rain, beside the biggest of the aerials, only marginally aware that his pants and shirt were soaking wet and that later it would be unpleasant. For now he didn't care. For now the cool water on his face and hair was refreshing and helped to clear his mind. He needed to keep his mind clear while he thought.

_It's obvious that we can't put an equation mark between Light and Kira. I knew Light for almost three months while he didn't remember that he was Kira, and he was a completely different person. Devoted to catching the mass murder, very cautious about some of my methods. Just like his father. Honest, upright. He even refused to use the feelings of the girl who loved him. Sure, we may assume that his determination to solve this case was prompted by his desire to take revenge for being suspected and detained, or that it was an unconscious drive to carry out his plan. But most likely he simply saw Kira as a criminal and wanted to stop him. And he wasn't pretending at that. _

_Most people don't carry Death Notes with them. Having the Death Note is an exceptional situation, so the real… default Light is the one without the notebook. Just like Rem said. The owner of the Death Note loses their true self. But can we absolve him from all the murders he's committed? Can we let it go without consequence if it was possible for him to control it? Killing off criminals could ultimately be forgiven, but murdering all those people just because they stood in his way? If there is the slightest chance that the Death Note owner can refrain from killing, Light's guilt is a fact. _

_On the other hand, if we punish Kira, we will destroy the good person Light really is. Does he deserve it just because he was unfortunate enough to find this notebook? _

A movement at the edge of his vision caught his attention, startling him from his reverie. He shifted his gaze in that direction. Hiding himself under the roof of the stairway stood Light. His lips opened and he screamed something at L. The detective put a hand to his ear to show that he didn't hear it. Light mouthed the same words again. No use. Feeling stupid, Ryuzaki forced a smile on his face and leaned to him with his hand still at his ear. It seemed to him that Light sighed. Then, to his surprise, the youth stepped out of his shelter and moved towards him, raising an arm to protect his head against the downpour.

"What are you doing here, Ryuzaki?" he spoke when he stopped beside L, lips repeating the same moves as before.

The detective shrugged. "Thinking."

"Thinking? Out of all the places in this building you had to choose this one just to think? You are all wet."

"I don't mind being wet. Just wanted a place where I could be alone."

Light glanced at him with interest. "Sounds like something serious. Am I interrupting?"

Ryuzaki raised his brows in surprise. Did Light really care? Kira – the ultimate winner, the God – who had him utterly in control, respected his privacy? True, for most of the time they now spent together Light wasn't playing God; still, such concern was unexpected.

"You have the right to be here, just like I do," he said. He looked down at his shoes and studied the extent of their wetness for a few moments. "But it's interesting why _you_ are here. Came up with the same idea to come out on the roof during the rain? I don't think so. Have you been looking for me?"

A moment of hesitation. Then: "Sort of."

"Why?"

"I was bored. Without you, it's really boring down there."

L glanced at him. "You have Misa. You should spend time with her."

"Give me a break, Ryuzaki. How many times do I have to tell you she is no company for me? I spent two hours with her yesterday. That's already too much for my tastes."

L decided not to comment on it.

"So, what were you thinking about? That is, if you wish to tell me."

He smirked under his breath. The same cautiousness again.

"Do you have any idea what happened to Rem?" he asked, instead of answering. "I still can't understand that, but maybe you know something about it."

Light nodded. "There is a rule saying that if a shinigami loves a human and uses their power to prolong—not shorten—their lives, they die. Rem cared for Misa very much. She gave me your name so that I saved her. And the moment I used it to control you, well…"

_But I didn't… Oh. So that's how it is. _

"Anyway, that's the most likely hypothesis," Light added. "In fact I always thought it only works when a shinigami literally kills to save, but apparently I was wrong. Or maybe just the shinigami's justice got to Rem finally. After all, giving me your name she teetered on the brink as well. Who knows."

"I see." After a moment of staring at the ground, L raised his gaze to Light. "I had an interesting conversation with her that night she died."

This stirred the youth's interest even more. "Huh? You talked with Rem?"

L nodded. "She saw me switching off the cameras, so she felt quite at ease. She told me one very interesting thing. That finding a Death Note is considered a great misfortune for a human."

"Yeah. Ryuk told me the same once. But I don't agree with that. I never considered myself unfortunate. Quite the opposite."

Ryuzaki sighed.

"I can imagine. But did Ryuk ever tell you why it is such a misfortune?" And when Light shook his head, he continued. "It is so, because the notebook corrupts; it deprives you of your true self, makes you become a killer. The Death Note has an impact on a human's psyche, Light, it controls you. That is what Rem said."

For a few blinks Light just stood motionlessly, staring straight ahead through the rain. Then he laughed. "That's ridiculous, Ryuzaki. Are you saying that I don't control my actions? I am perfectly in control."

"I didn't say you aren't in control, I just… well, that is more or less what I've been thinking about."

Light didn't answer and L returned to staring ahead as well. For a few seconds they were silent.

"Tell me one thing, Light," he finally said. "Let's say that I accept everything you told me about your methods as Kira. Let's say I understand that killing those agents in the process was a necessary sacrifice, that they committed a transgression against the new order of the world and thus deserved it. Still, you can by no means compare them with the criminals you punish, can you? So tell me, did you ever hesitate before killing them? Have you regretted doing it?" And after a short pause: "Do you at all feel the load of what you do, even if these are bad people you kill?"

Saying this, he turned to Light and studied his face very closely, determined to catch every twitch of the muscle, every tiniest reaction his words stirred. And there it was. Light frowned as if hit by a sudden realization and for a split second his eyes flashed… yes, fear.

"I see," L murmured, more to himself than to the teen. Actually, he hadn't expected to see what he had. It was merely an experiment. "Because if you are as righteous as you claim to be, you _should_ feel the load, you should at least regret those agents. Every person in their right mind would. So how can you explain that if you don't? Wouldn't it be some outward power that affects you?"

Light's features had already hardened again.

"I simply cannot hesitate, Ryuzaki. I cannot regret anything. I can't afford it, that's all."

But those words didn't matter. L had already seen everything he needed.

Light closed his eyes and shook his head. "Let's go back. I'm wet enough, and you are completely soaked. If you continue standing here like that, you'll get sick."

_And you don't want me to get sick, do you? Light… _Ryuzaki sighed heavily and dragged himself inside behind the brunette.

* * *

His shoes were dripping, sitting beside him on the stairs. He was drying his hair with a little towel Ryuzaki had gotten from the closest bathroom. His shirt and pants stuck to his skin, making him shiver with cold. He needed to change his clothes. Well, in a minute, for now he wanted to take care of the basics. 

He heard quiet steps behind him and with his peripheral vision saw the detective coming up to him with a towel over his black hair.

"That was quite an ordeal, wasn't it?" L offered.

"It's your fault. You were the one standing outside in that rain."

"True. I'm sorry."

Light again busied himself with his hair, wiping it quite fervently. L's steps came closer, but with his eyes covered with the towel he couldn't see what the other was doing. Then, suddenly, something touched his right foot and lifted it gently. He stirred, surprised, pulling the cloth off his head to see what was going on, and the sight made him gasp.

L knelt before him. He positively knelt on one knee, holding Light's foot in one hand.

"What are you doing, Ryuzaki?!"

"I thought I could help," the detective responded, raising his eyes on him. "It seems that being wet bothers you a great deal."

Light still couldn't believe his eyes. Did L mean to dry his feet?

"You don't have to do something like that."

"I'll throw in a massage?" It sounded almost like a plea. "I am quite good at it, you know. You got wet because of me. At least let me atone for this."

What was this? Was he _asking_ for it? Was he asking to do something like this for Kira? Why this humble pose all of a sudden? Still, some strange thrill rose in Light at seeing L like that, and made it impossible to refuse.

"Do as you please," he said, turning his eyes away, embarrassed with his own excitement.

"Okay."

The black head lowered and L busied himself with Light's foot. He brought the towel to it, drying it quickly, then kneaded quite decisively.

Light twitched at the new sensation. "Ouch."

"You'll get used to it quickly." Gentle voice, without even raising his eyes, while those twiggy hands continued their work. Their every move made it feel better. Light's gaze had come back to the detective on its own volition, and now he watched the youth at his feet, unable to tear his eyes away.

A few drops fell from Ryuzaki's fringe onto his ankle. On impulse, he reached for his towel – only now realizing that staring at the detective like that he'd forgotten about drying himself – and put it to L's hair, wrapping the dripping strands, so that it took up the water. Black eyes rose to him almost timidly.

"You're still wet," Light explained, half reproachfully, half gently.

"Sorry…"

Fascinating. He was even apologizing. _You humble yourself before me, do you know that, L? No, of course he knows, he is not stupid. But why? Why is he doing that? _It looked as if L was trying to show him something. Volunteering to serve someone who put you into a submissive position by force was like stating that you would stay in that position willingly, not trying to fight it. It was like a promise that Light would no longer meet any resistance in bed, but not only that…

His breath hitched. He suddenly felt dizzy.

Was L admitting Light's victory? Was L accepting Kira?

No, this thinking was far-fetched. No matter how humble this pose was, he could not assume something like this just on this basis.

And why would L surrender all of a sudden? Had their talk on the roof changed something? Had L really meant it when he talked about accepting and understanding? He sounded quite skeptical back then, but still…

Light let the detective play with his feet for a while longer, staring at it, mesmerized. L was so beautiful, kneeling like that. His position carried so much humility, and yet so much grace… It _suited_ him. _Mentality of a servant_, Light reminded himself. Perhaps, on some level, he could even understand it.

"You may say that it's about drying and atoning," he offered, "but there is more about it than that, isn't it? What is it, L? What are you trying to tell me?"

In the large hall of the top floor there were only two cameras, as hardly anyone ever came up here. They hung just below the high ceiling, far above them, so if they talked with their heads low and quietly, they could speak freely.

Slowly, L's hands stopped their work and the detective looked up him.

"It's not like during those last days I didn't think of the ways to evade your blackmail and bring you to punishment, Light."

Light tilted his head, taken aback by the sudden change of subject. Or wasn't it a change of subject?

"So I can imagine. But does that mean that you don't think about it anymore? Is that what you are trying to say? That you are giving it up?"

L's eyes fell again and he said in almost a whisper. "You no longer have to be concerned about my actions, that is what I am saying. If someone makes you face the law, it won't be me."

Light held his breath. "Why?"

"Because the only punishment the law can have for Kira is death, and I don't think you deserve it."

Understanding dawned. So that's what it was. This explanation made sense. And in that case Ryuzaki's behavior wasn't unfounded; it made sense as well. Which meant… Light no longer tried to contain himself and let the excitement take over… which meant he not only had L in his grasp now, he simply had L. He had his greatest nemesis at his feet – metaphorically and literally, admitting surrender on his own free will. Maybe not accepting Kira yet, but close. Oh, how he loved this thought! Now, instead of crushing his enemy, he would take him under his wings and show him Kira's kindness. He would keep him at his side and let him watch how he healed the world. He would make him his favorite subject; he would make him the God's concubine!

His vision was blurred and his heart was pounding hard in his chest. He was vaguely aware that he'd gotten hot-headed and knew that it wasn't good. He forced the crazy train of thoughts to stop. From here it would be easy to get reckless and he couldn't allow himself that. Slowly, excitement subsided, leaving just a feeling of satisfaction and some amount of skepticism.

He leaned down to the detective and brushed his hand against the pale cheek. "Don't think that your words will dull my vigilance tomorrow, L," he whispered. "Not tomorrow, not ever."

He received a quiet smirk in response. "I would never think so."

"Good." He allowed a smile on his lips. "So are you done with your massage already?"

"Yes. Unless you want me to continue."

"That's not necessary." He slid his hands under Ryuzaki's arms and pulled the slender body up, until their faces were on the same level. "Don't bend too low for me, Ryuzaki. I don't want it." Strangely enough, this was honest. L gave him a curious glance and Light continued. "Your clothes are still soaked. Drying your hair is not enough to avoid getting a cold. I don't feel like sitting in these wet pants either. Let's take care of that, okay?"

Ryuzaki nodded silently and Light smiled.

"And while we do that, we can have some fun too, huh?"

Ryuzaki nodded again. Kira cheered.


	11. Chapter 62 verB: Proof

**Chapter 62: Proof**

He welcomed this day as the day of his triumph.

The morning was rushed and he barely registered it. Everyone ran around, checking to see if everything was buttoned up and in fact trying to conceal their nervousness. Light was a little nervous himself, but he tried to maintain his cool demeanor and entertain himself by watching the others. L was the only person apart from himself who acted calmly, but Light could bet that it was as much of a mask as his own.

A quarter past eleven they welcomed their guest – his father's boss, the chief of the NPA, Kitamura. L walked up to him and introduced himself as 'Ryuzaki, L's assistant'. The director sized up his slumped, shabby form with an expression that tried not to be skeptical, and allowed a dull introductory conversation. When his gaze caught Light, he excused himself and came over to him with an air of power around his plump form.

"Yagami-kun," he spoke solemnly and bowed, answering Light's bow. "Nice to see you again. I must say I really hope L is wrong in his suspicions about you. You are the great hope of the NPA. It would be a shame to lose such a fabulous would-be employee."

Light gave the director a hearty smile. "Of course he is wrong. And I am glad it soon will be over."

He really was. He already couldn't wait till the moment he would be finally, ultimately cleared. He left Kitamura talking to his father and wandered to the window. He stared out of it, thinking. After today everything would be so much easier. After today he would finally have space to operate. After today…

He stood there, left alone by the others, dreaming about the glowing future that would soon come. The murmur of their talks was a nice background for his thoughts; November rain outside soothed his nerves. He didn't know how much time had passed, before a hand was rested on his shoulder.

"Light, it's time to begin."

He looked over his shoulder into those huge, panda-like eyes and smiled a genuine smile. After today God would spread his wings.

When he turned to follow Ryuzaki to the terminal, his gaze fell upon the dark, slim, long-limbed figure that was sitting on the main table beside the container holding the Death Notes. Uh-huh, couldn't resist watching a little show. Ryuk sent him his ever-present grin and waved his hand at him. Light kept his face perfectly blank, ignoring the shinigami with practiced ease.

They approached the working area, and L took a seat in his usual place. He showed Light a chair for him – slightly behind his own, on his right. The youth obediently lowered himself into it. Apparently the prime suspect had no voice in choosing a place to sit, but he didn't mind; what did it matter after all? There was also a row of chairs on the detective's left and Kitamura and Light's father took their seats. The others chose to stand.

"Alright everyone, let's get started," L spoke. He pressed a few buttons, and two big screens in front of them came to life, showing faces of two men – the bosses of the FBI and ICPO. Light smiled inwardly. That was the world that would be watching. That was the world that in a few minutes would have to recognize him as completely innocent.

"Gentlemen, hello," Ryuzaki greeted them in Japanese and they answered with nods. Small earphones in their ears allowed them to understand his words. The detective again introduced himself as L's assistant and pointed behind himself at the computer with a big stylized L displayed on the screen. "Of course, L is here with us as well and will take part in this meeting."

"Hello everyone," the computer spoke in its altered voice.

So far everything was going as planned. When Ryuzaki had announced this morning that he would be present at the meeting, while Watari would play the part of L, Light wasn't even very surprised. Having the lanky youth around became so habitual that it would feel strange if he suddenly decided to hide himself behind the computer screen again.

"Are you Watari then, Mr. Ryuzaki?" the FBI chief, Maison, asked in English.

The half of L's face Light could see smiled.

"Just Ryuzaki, please," the detective answered also in English, with the clearest British accent. "And as for your question, let's leave it in the sphere of speculation. Now," he switched to Japanese again, "you have all been informed of the many details concerning this case, but just as a refreshment— You know that the tool of the crime, as much as it seems ridiculous, is the notebook. It has been proved in the test we ran thirteen days ago. The notebook's origins are unknown to us, but the material and the ink the rules have been written with are nothing known to the human world. You were all presented with the full list of rules. During the investigation we managed to get hold of two of such notebooks and all the clues suggest that that is all there is. Here they are." He waved behind himself again, this time at the notebook container, whose lid was at the moment open. "It's clear that the person who owns such a notebook is Kira, but since the owner may change, there might be more than one Kira. In the course of the investigation we concluded that there were three people who killed with the Death Note. The last one, Kyosuke Higuchi is, as you know, already dead. The other two suspects are Light Yagami and Misa Amane. Light Yagami is here with us," Ryuzaki pointed at Light with his head, and the youth nodded, assuming his well-trained innocent expression. "According to L's theory he was the first Kira, who probably acted as one for the longest time and also controlled the person who came to be known as the Second Kira. Of being whom we suspect Misa Amane."

"Why isn't she with you?" Maison asked.

"She is suspected of having a power that allows her to see a person's name just by seeing their face. We decided it would be too dangerous to let her be present at this meeting, but she is in our custody. Of course neither Amane, nor Light Yagami admit their guilt. The evidence against them is very consistent with the exception of the 13-day rule. I won't quote it as we all know it. That is why we advanced a hypothesis that the rule might be false and ran a test to verify its authenticity. In a minute we will find its results. Now, the question we asked you is what is your position about the current state of the evidence and the status of this meeting."

The eyes of the men on the screens moved while they probably exchanged glances. Then the chief of the Interpol spoke:

"We decided to accept this trial as final evidence in the Kira case. If the rule is false, Light Yagami and Misa Amane will be arrested and convicted of being Kira with immediate effect. They might not be the one and only Kira, but everyone who committed repeated murders using the notebook must meet the same punishment. If the rule is true, however, in spite of all the evidence, neither of them may be Kira and they will be cleared of all suspicions. One way or another, this is final."

Ryuzaki searched for Kitamura's gaze and the man nodded in consent.

"Understood. In a few minutes we will start the broadcast from the State Prison. But before, I believe L wanted to say something. L?"

"Yes," the computer spoke. "I have one more observation about the notebook, this one concerns the impact the Death Note has on its owner. Let's assume for a moment that Misa Amane and Light Yagami are guilty. In this case all evidence leads to a very interesting conclusion. As you know, not every person who owns a knife becomes a murderer. I studied very closely the psychological profiles of all three people suspected of owning the notebook, and as much as it seems that for Higuchi killing a man would be fairly easy, the profiles of Light Yagami and Misa Amane show no inclinations like that. And yet, all those three people became serial killers. That led me to a conclusion that the Death Note not only gives a power to kill, but also affects its owner's psyche, inducing them to do it."

Light heard a quiet murmur of surprise running over the room, which assured him that L hadn't shared his brilliant mind-control theory with anyone but him. He himself hadn't expected that the detective would bring it up.

"Are you claiming this should be extenuating circumstances for Kira?" Kitamura asked.

"It might be. If you decide to take it into consideration. There's more to this topic, but I suggest we discuss it further only when the rule turns out to be false. If it is true, those assumptions lose ground."

The man nodded, acknowledging the answer, and Ryuzaki looked around.

"Are there perhaps any other questions?"

A few uncertain head shakes. He waited another moment, then shifted his gaze to the clock. It was exactly ten minutes before noon.

"Very well. We have perfect timing. Do you have your monitors prepared, gentlemen?" The big fish on the screens nodded. He shifted his weight in his uncomfortable position, now squatting more than sitting, and leaned over the panel, pressing a button. "We are ready, director. Please, connect us to the cell."

From the speaker a male voice murmured his greetings, and the third big monitor in front of them came to life. It showed a room occupied by a solitary man – the same man whose picture Light had gotten from Ryuzaki a few days ago. Well, that was expected, still, he felt some of his tension ease at seeing that no tricks waited for him here. The room was also the one he had seen in the files. The convict sat on a chair, strapped to it, but not very tightly and only across his midsection and thighs. He looked… well, nervous. Of course he did. The clock on the wall behind him – the one showing time along with the date – was clearly visible on the screen and perfectly synchronized with the clock in their room.

"We decided to start the broadcast ten minutes before the exact hour of the presumed death and, if the death doesn't occur in time, prolong it for ten minutes afterwards. That is in case some inaccuracy in time occurred," Ryuzaki explained. "However, given that so far the Death Note has been very accurate, this shouldn't be the case. Let me just remind you that for all this time L and I were the only people in the investigation team who knew our test subject's name. On the prison's side only very few most trustworthy staff are aware of the trial, but none of them know what it applies to. Even so, they are obliged to keep a strict secret. The clock you can see in the cell is synchronized to the second with the global time clock for the Japanese time zone. Our subject wrote in the notebook thirteen days ago at exactly 12:00. Today at noon he was scheduled to be executed. If he doesn't die, he will be absolved and instead sentenced to life imprisonment. So his relatives, friends, and himself were eager to participate in this trial. Of course they don't know its purpose either. Also, since the moment he wrote in the notebook, the man has been isolated and only contacted with the staff let in on this matter."

L let his voice fall, indicating that he had finished his recap. The convict swept his jumpy gaze around his empty cell, turning to the clock every now and again, or stopping it on the camera… looking straight at them. The silence that suddenly fell over the room was overwhelming.

Light fought a wince that threatened to twist his face when the guy's gaze met his. Stupid coward. Couldn't he just take it calmly? Somehow looking at him, seeing those frightened eyes was unnerving. _What's wrong with you? You are Kira. Are you afraid of a criminal's fear? They _should_ fear you! _He set his jaw, remembering Tomagochi's crimes. Well, the bastard had only himself to blame. If it wasn't the law, sooner or later Kira would get to him anyway. Well, in fact Kira _had_ gotten to him.

"Gee, that's creepy," Matsuda murmured behind his back.

"Yes," Ryuzaki sighed. "Luckily, it's the first and last test we run with the Death Note."

Silence fell again. Minutes passed. The man grew more and more restless. He was fidgeting in his hair, shifting his position every few seconds. Finally, at some moment he lost it. He yanked in his straps angrily.

"Shit, shit! I can't take it. Fuck!"

Someone in the room sighed heavily. Light rolled his eyes and looked away. Creepy – that was a hell of a good way to put it; for once Matsuda had gotten something right. He had witnessed his victims die before, but never before had a victim been aware what awaited him, so completely powerless and exposed. And damn it, there was nothing nice about this sight. He really wished it was over.

At last a clock's dong announced that noon had come. His eyes jerked back to the screen. Any second now… actually it should have been already… any second the bastard would be dead. The thinnest hand steadily ticked its way through the round face of the clock. Ten seconds past noon. Light swallowed, trying to get rid of the huge lump in his throat. Three weeks ago, when he'd written Higuchi's name on the little scrap of the Death Note, he'd thought that the seconds that passed before the businessman died were the longest in his life. He had been wrong; now the time flow seemed to have slowed down even more. And the man was still sitting there, trembling, jumpy, terrified to the limit, but giving no signs of heart attack. Twenty five seconds.

_Come on! Die!_

The tension in the room was almost squeezing him. Light was sweating; his heart was raging in his chest. He could hear his own hitching breath and had an impression that in the perfect silence it was as loud as a scream. With his peripheral vision he saw Ryuzaki torturing his thumb with his teeth. Thirty five seconds.

_Die already! Why aren't you dying?! _

When the convict suddenly convulsed and grabbed his heart, Light was on the verge of panicking. The relief that poured over him made his head spin, and he clenched the seat of his chair in a stupid fear that the world that had suddenly started to dance around him would knock him out of it. He vaguely heard the murmur of agitation rising over the room, and the choking sounds of agony coming from the speakers; he saw L's back twitching in an abrupt shudder. None of that mattered, all that mattered was that there was no longer any doubt.

It lasted just a few more seconds. Just before dying the guy screamed something about them being fucking liars, then his body convulsed one last time and hung loosely over the chair. Light glanced at the clock again. The second hand was approaching twelve again. The noise in the room rose even more, then started to fade along with the tension.

"Thank God," Matsuda murmured, not even slightly bothered by how these words sounded in the context.

"Son…" His father sounded like crying.

Then the world around Light went crazy. The others jumped up to him, apologized, congratulated, thanked, whatever. Matsuda – ugh! – hugged him. Then his dad, in a long, loving embrace. Kitamura came up and shook Light's hands heartily. Something was still happening in the cell. Some people rushed in, checked Tomagoshi's pulse, one of them said something to the camera. No one paid it any attention.

Light put on a clear face of the 18-year-old, innocent boy everyone expected him to be. He accepted all the enthusiastic words calmly, saying almost nothing himself, looking at the others with relieved but weary and dazed eyes. It wasn't even a mask, it was exactly how he felt.

He searched for Ryuzaki with his eyes, suddenly missing him around. Shouldn't the bastard apologize to him as well, if only to keep the proper appearance before the others? Light could definitely use his company in all this commotion. He found the spindly youth still in his chair, motionless, hands gripping his calves tightly, staring fixedly at the screen that in the meantime had faded to black. Oh yes, the taste of failure. Perhaps he should be left alone after all.

And then the altered computer voice sneaked into that mess.

"Please, calm down everyone, I have something to say."

Gradually the noise faded.

"Can you please take your seats for one more moment?"

They did. This time everyone sat down. Their casual, almost slack positions stood out in clear contrast with their previous tenseness.

"You all saw the result of the test. It can't be denied that the rule we were testing is true. Therefore I admit that my suspicions about Light Yagami and Misa Amane were wrong. They could never have written in the Death Note. Since for the time being there were two active Kiras, one of them had to be Higuchi. Who was the other one? That unfortunately remains unsolved. However, although we didn't manage to catch the culprit, we discovered the way of killing and got hold of the tools of the crime, positively disarming the murderer. And since the rule works, whoever used the notebook is by now undoubtedly dead. Thus, we can consider the case successful. On my part, I offer my apology to Yagami-kun and Misa Amane for all the inconveniences they were subjected to. This was due to the strong evidence we had against them. I must admit Kira managed to delude me here. But all in all I am certain that he is no longer a threat and that this time it is final. Does anyone have any doubts or questions?"

A moment of silence. Then another.

"All right then. I hereby announce that the Kira case is closed."

And so it happened. A murmur of unconcealed relief streamed through the room and spontaneously changed into a relaxed murmur of quiet conversations. Soon the bosses of the FBI and ICPO said goodbye and disconnected. Kitamura offered another round of congratulations, then took off as well, leaving the team alone in the headquarters, still celebrating.

Finally it all sank in and joy hit Light with painful clearness. He had done it! In the eyes of everyone he was innocent! Now he would wait a week or two – for all this fuss around Kira to fade, for the people to focus on other matters – and then come back with his holy mission again. And with L on his side no one would be able to get him. No one!

He let himself forget about the detective for a while and talked some happy nonsense with the others. His father patted him on the shoulder now and again. Matsuda offered to call for Misa, but Light stopped him. The annoying girl was the last person he wanted to see right now. He told the young policeman that he wanted to pass Misa the good news personally. In private. Matsuda accepted it easily, giving him a knowing wink.

"Ku ku. I just can't wait to see how you lie your way out of her hands now," Ryuk creaked over his shoulder. Keeping an unwavering happy smile on his face, Light had a profound desire to crack the deity on the jaw.

He probably should have been more careful, should have watched Ryuzaki after all, but he'd never expected something like this. When his peripheral view suddenly burst into redness, it was probably already too late. His gaze automatically jerked to that side, and he realized with horror that it was fire – a huge flame coming out of the container with the Death Notes, consuming them. And Ryuzaki was standing next to it with a lighter – still lit – in his hand. Looking straight at him.

Light heard a few screams of shock, one of them probably his own. A crazed avalanche of thoughts flowed into his mind all at once.

_Bastard! How did you know? _

_Misa! The signal! _His hand was already in his pocket, grabbing the cell-phone. His finger found the connect button.

_Ryuzaki, you sonuvabitch! You'll die._

Horror. _No! Wait! _The finger froze. _What's the chance that they won't realize now? If the notebook is destroyed… But maybe it isn't too late… Send it! _

_'The Death Note has an impact on a human's psyche. It corrupts you.' _

_'Have you regretted killing those agents?' _

People were running around him. Voices sounded dully, like from behind a wall. The headache burst out like a blow of a hammer. His own painful whine was unnaturally loud in his head. His legs started to fold under him, reality escaping. He still had a moment to press the button. He didn't.

_I lost! _

And then there was nothing.

* * *

Being a shinigami in the human realm was very comfortable. You could get practically everywhere, unseen by anybody. You could see anything, hear anything without people being aware of it. Observing was always Ryuk's favorite fun. 

So, he was of course happy that Misa had been summoned to the headquarters. It was much better here than at the girl's flat. More space, more comfort, and best of all, he got a chance to watch the grand finale of the Kira case, which he supposed would be a very interesting spectacle.

He'd never suspected it would be _that_ interesting.

He had sat on the table, waving his legs over the ground and chuckling contentedly while the humans watched the convict die. He had floated around them when they celebrated, watching with fascination how they didn't even try to conceal their happiness over someone's death. And he also saw Ryuzaki getting up from his place and walking over to the container with the Death Notes. No one else noticed it, they were too engaged in celebrating, but it seemed that suited the detective just fine. He reached for one of the notebooks, took it out of the container, and put it aside. And then produced a small, slender bottle from his baggy pants, poured its contents into the container and quickly – before Ryuk even realized what was happening – set the other Death Note on fire.

The flame was abrupt and high. They noticed it at once. A few screams simultaneously sounded in the room.

"Ryuzaki, what the hell…?"

"You can't destroy the notebooks, it's gonna kill us!"

Matsuda hid his head in his arms and sank to his knees, apparently awaiting an abrupt and painful death. And at the same moment Light grabbed his head and fell to the floor with a whine of pain. Ryuk felt a short, unpleasant pull himself.

"Light-kun! Oh God, it started," Matsuda cried.

Mogi rushed to the fire extinguisher on the wall, while Soichiro Yagami lunged to Ryuzaki and seized his thin wrist, pulling the youth away. The detective wasn't trying to defend himself.

"Put it out, quickly!" the chief screamed.

Light's whine broke off as abruptly as it started, and the teen's body went still. Mogi was already finishing his fight with the fire. The last flames disappeared in a now crumpled container. The big policeman looked at the remains of the Death Note as if they could bite. Aizawa came over just as carefully and also took a glance.

"Too late," he murmured.

It was true. All that was left of the notebook was ash and some charred, crumpled remains of the sheets. Ryuk growled in his throat with a strange feeling of loss.

"What have you done?!" Soichiro yelled at Ryuzaki.

"But we are alive," Aizawa risked.

"Light isn't, Light's dead…" Matsuda whined, still crouching and clutching his head.

Only now did the chief inspector notice it and, forgetting about Ryuzaki at once, rushed to the limp form of his son.

L rubbed his wrist, wincing slightly.

"He isn't dead, like we all aren't," he said. "He just blacked out."

Soichiro fell to his knees beside his son. He grabbed Light's wrist, checking his pulse, then breathed deeply. "Thank God." For a long moment he just kept breathing, his head low as if he were exhausted. Then he slowly raised his gaze to Ryuzaki.

"Why are we still alive? The rule said that if you destroy the notebook…"

"Maybe it happens with delay…"

"No," L interrupted. "We are alive because the rule was false."

The chief shook his head, not understanding.

"How come? What do you mean… how could you know?"

"It was written behind the rule that I knew was false, so it had to be false as well," came the calm answer. They stared at him with wide, dumbfounded eyes. Ryuzaki sighed and continued. "Those two rules were written on one page, in one frame, the rule about destroying after the 13-day one. You can't write a true rule after the false one, unless you write false and true rules at the same time and randomly, but it wasn't so in this case. I can easily say that all the rules in the beginning were true. It wouldn't make the slightest sense to write the last true one on a new page and leave blank space above. If someone added a false rule and this one was behind it, it had to be false too."

For a while there was silence in the room, everyone frozen in their places, still staring at L dumbly. Finally Matsuda risked:

"But we've just proved that the 13-day rule is true."

At that, Ryuzaki reached into his pocket again. He fumbled in it for a second and took out a folded piece of paper. The paper was thick, slightly yellowish, lined. Ryuk recognized it at once. They seemed to have recognized it too.

"Here." The detective unfolded the sheet, showing a few lines of writing on it. He gave it to Aizawa, who stood the closest. "Can you read it, Aizawa-san?"

Aizawa glanced at the paper and gasped.

"Please," Ryuzaki prompted.

"Hinzen Tomagoshi. Heart attack. 2004.11.19. 12:00:50 pm. Dies screaming," Aizawa's voice trailed off for a moment, then continued faintly, "'you fucking liars, you deceived me'." He raised his gaze at the rest and whispered. "That's exactly what happened."

For the nth time that day the room went still and silent. And it was again Matsuda who first shook off the stupor.

"You killed him!" he exclaimed.

"Well, I guess there is no doubt about it," Aizawa murmured. "He used _seconds_ to write the time."

Ryuzaki lowered his head, escaping their scrutinizing, apprehensive gazes.

"I figured that since the Death Note has seconds included in its rules and the murders on TV always occurred with second accuracy, it must understand them. So if I wrote time with seconds, it would follow. I was right."

Soichiro Yagami raised his gaze from over his son, face twisted in a strange mix of horror and anger.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" he asked, his voice unusually low and strained.

L gave him a sad look. "That means, Yagami-san, that your son _is_ Kira. Thanks to Rem, he got to know my real name and used it to control me for the last few days. But I found a way to counter him." And after a momentary pause he added: "I am very sorry."

Ryuk stared at the detective, mouth open, trying to find sense in his words. What? No, he wasn't getting it. There had to be something more about it. Or he was too dense to understand.

The chief was still for a few moments, emotions fighting on his face, head shaking as if in denial. Finally his lips quivered.

"If he wasn't connected to this notebook, he wouldn't have fainted when it was destroyed, would he?"

Ryuzaki nodded. "That is also what I wanted to show. I didn't know what his reaction would be, but I was sure it would be visible."

Soichiro's shoulders slumped as if he had suddenly lost all his strength. His head fell on his chest.

"B-but, wait!" Matsuda exclaimed. "It doesn't have to be the proof. Ryuzaki could have written it afterwards, when no one was watching! There were a few minutes nobody paid attention to him."

"There are cameras in this room, Matsuda-san," L reminded him with slight exasperation in his voice. "You wish to check it? I can also show you the records of when and where I wrote it; I have those as well."

The young policeman opened his mouth as if he still wanted to argue, but eventually no sound left his mouth. Ryuzaki's gaze found the chief again.

"Please, don't be so distraught, Yagami-san, it is not as bad as it seems. After all, in the eyes of the world your son is innocent now. It could have been different. Aren't you curious why I did it?"

Only now did they realize. They gasped in unison like a dumb audience again.

"Yes, Ryuzaki." It was Aizawa. His voice was merely a whisper. "We are very curious."

L smiled sourly. "Before I tell you, perhaps someone should move Light-kun to the sofa, so that he doesn't have to lie on the floor like that."

The chief stared at the detective for a few more seconds, his brows furrowed together, then lifted his unconscious son and went to the couch in a quick gait. He laid him there gently, with his usual fatherly concern.

Ryuzaki moved from over the wrecked container as well and leapt up into the armchair, assuming his usual position. The rest followed, and eventually everyone was clustered around the table. Magically, Watari appeared in the room and served tea, then left as silently as always. L poured himself a cup.

"Yagami-san, could you give me Light's cell phone, please?"

Soichiro raised his head, surprised, but then nodded. He dug into his son's pants pocket, produced his mobile and handed it to the young man. Ryuzaki lifted the lid and clicked on the little keyboard for a few instants. His fingers stopped when he apparently found what he'd been looking for, and his lips twitched in a minimal smile. He closed the lid and put the phone on the table, turning his attention to the team again.

"Light's basic mistake was not killing me. If he had, he would have won easily. Instead he let me live, fully aware of how inconvenient I might be." He reached to the sugar bowl and took a few cubes. He started dropping them rhythmically into the cup. "He took me aside a few nights ago, saying that he is Kira and that he knows my and Watari's names. He threatened that he would kill us if I didn't give him the data of the convict. I had no choice but to play by his rules. Options like giving him false data, trying to record him, or just trying to talk you into doing something against him were out of question as I knew he would be watching for it. But it apparently didn't occur to him that I might approach the problem from a different direction, and anyway he had no way to check it.

There is a rule in the Death Note saying that once something is written, it can't be changed. I asked him for one day to think whether I would follow his demands. And the same night I wrote Tomagoshi's name in the Death Note. I delayed it, so that you could see that the rule doesn't work, but I had to make this time very short so as not to stir Light's suspicions. 12:01 could already be too much, so I postponed it as much as possible within one minute. With that I hoped the delay would be significant for those who would see my note, but irrelevant for everyone else. Later on I gave Light the data he wanted, and he wrote the name as well, appointing Tomagoshi's death at exactly noon today, only this couldn't work."

Ryuk blinked and closed his mouth, because he realized that his jaw had dropped. Now _that_ was cunning. He lowered himself over the table and studied the detective with interest, while the other went on.

"There is one more thing without which my plan wouldn't work properly – the obliteration rule. It's ironic that by admitting to me that he was Kira, Light practically armed me against him, because he confirmed my suspicions that this rule is false. He could have realized the danger if he guessed that I guessed how these two rules are connected. It was a good thing that in all that fuss around the 13-day rule, the obliteration one was ignored. He probably didn't give it much thought in the first place, let alone guess my line of deduction. Or maybe, he simply didn't want to think along that path…" L grew contemplative for a moment, hooking his index finger against his lower lip while his gaze swept across the ceiling.

"The truth is I first intended to use this plan to prove Light's guilt in front of the FBI and Interpol. I assumed that if I destroyed the notebook quickly, in all the commotion I knew would break out, he wouldn't notice anything until it was too late. Then I would tell everyone what I am telling you right now. The reason I changed my mind is… well, basically it's what Watari said about extenuating circumstances. It's all true, but there is more than that. The night I wrote the name, I came down to this room to get the page of the Death Note. Matsuda-san, you remember that, don't you?" The young policeman nodded dumbly, eyes fixed on Ryuzaki as if he'd just grown horns. "That night I talked to Rem. And what she told me was quite a revelation."

He went on telling them about his talk with Rem. About the history of the Death Note in the human realm, about its impact on human psyche, and about Light's plan. Ryuk listened to it with disbelief. Had the stupid shinigami really told him all this? Why? If she wanted to save Misa so much, she could have simply killed Ryuzaki. Ryuk shook his head. That Rem with her soft heart…

"I had a few days to observe Light as Kira," the youth continued, having finished his story. "To talk to him, listen to him, and analyze. And I am 100 percent sure that all that Rem said was true. The Death Note does have an impact on its owner's psyche. And since Light owning the Death Note is a result of occurrence, the real Light is the one without it. And this Light we all know, I don't need to describe him to you. He is just as kind and honest as his father.

But what is crucial here is the fact that the power of the Death Note doesn't really destroy one's true self; it just conceals it, but it can let go. After losing the ownership Light wasn't just Kira without his memories, he was Light again. So the real Light wasn't lost. For me that was most important. If all that was left of him was Kira, we wouldn't have been able to help him. But as it is… What he did is a monstrous thing, but maybe we should think about it the other way. It wasn't really Light, it was Kira in him. What we needed to do was destroy Kira, not Light, and this I did by destroying the notebook. Unfortunately, I couldn't tell any of this to those FBI and Interpol big heads. The officials would never accept such explanations, especially without any proof of Rem's words. If I wanted to save Light, I had to convince them of his complete innocence. That is the whole story."

He paused, letting his words sink in, while he finished his tea and poured himself another. Ryuk's jaw found its regular place a few inches lower than usual, as the shinigami finally started to fully realize the intricacy of the detective's plan. Incredible. Cornered as he was, this guy had managed to manipulate the evidence in a way that allowed him to fully control the situation. He had deceived everyone around, _including_ Light. Damn, if he was even an inch inferior to that little brat.

L reached for the sugar cubes again and started dropping them.

"However," he spoke, "I'm not all that sure that my judgement is correct. I am afraid I might be a little… partial. And besides, what gives me the right to be Light's judge?" He stared fixedly into his tea, poking the bottom of the cup with the spoon. "It can't be denied that there is something in him that made him act differently than the other Death Note owners. This something, whether it is a superiority complex, psychopathy, sociopathy, or whatever, is intrinsic. It won't go away with destroying the Death Note. So, the factor that made him Kira in the first place will still be there. And more importantly, can we just forget about all those murders? Kira's toll is over 1000 people… criminals. And a few men whose only guilt was that they stood in his way. This number is terrifying. And the Second Kira is not much behind. Remember that it was possible for them to stop it. Many people may not agree with my judgement. That's why I want _you_ to judge Light and Misa. I think you will be more objective than I. If you decide that they are guilty, we will contact the FBI and ICPO again and tell them the truth. I will repeat everything I said here and give them the records of this conversation."

He finally tore his eyes from his tea and slowly looked up. He swept his gaze around them, his toes nervously curling on the armchair cushions. When he spoke again, his voice was almost a whisper.

"Please, tell me what you think."

* * *

**Author's note:** Now do you know what I meant by saying that reading version A might work as an unnecessary spoiler? You should see certain things in a different light now (like the meaning of L's 'acceptance' in the previous chapter, true reasons behind some of his other actions and thoughts, Light's conclusions after Rem's death – very logical and very wrong). I must say I had a great fun putting those double meanings into the fic. I hope you had fun discovering them. 


	12. Chapter 63 verB: Checkmate

**Chapter 63: Checkmate**

For a long moment the only sound in the room was the barely audible tapping of L's toes against the leather cushions of his armchair. Soichiro Yagami stared at his son, occasionally casting a glance at the detective. Matsuda ruffled his hair, and Mogi and Aizawa were perfectly still. Ryuk could feel the tension squeezing the room.

"I also can't be a reliable judge here," the chief finally said. "Light is my son, I would do anything to save him."

"Yes, I agree," L nodded. "Yagami-san's voice shouldn't be considered in this discussion either."

"But wait!" Matsuda argued again. "I don't agree to that. You want us to judge Light-kun based on the fifty seconds delay! That's not enough! The guy could as well have died because of the rule ten seconds later. How can we know what would happen now that you killed him?"

"Matsuda!" Aizawa growled in a low, scolding voice that was usually exclusive for the chief. "Face the facts. Even if the delay itself is short, Ryuzaki gave us enough side evidence to confirm everything he said. And why would he lie to us once he's convinced the officials that Light is innocent? As much as I hate to admit it, I no longer have any doubts."

"Thank you, Aizawa-san," L nodded curtly, then turned to Matsuda. "If fifty seconds doesn't satisfy you, Matsuda-san, there is another way to prove my words. Now that I used the Note, the rule should apply to me. You can put me under surveillance for two weeks. If the rule is true, I will die. Actually, if what I intend to show within the next hour still won't convince you, I will insist on doing the surveillance myself."

Matsuda blinked with stupefaction – partly probably because the finality of the method worked as an argument itself, and partly at the note that there was still something to show. Ryuk himself was mystified. What could dwell in the detective's mysterious mind? He turned in the air to hang upside down, and watched the inverted world as the drama beneath him continued.

"I am just wondering," Mogi said. "Since you were sure that the last rule is false, wouldn't it have been easier to destroy the Death Note earlier, for example that night when Rem died?"

"You are forgetting about Amane, Mogi-san," Ryuzaki pointed out, raising a tea spoon like an index finger. "She was a perfect insurance policy. She would have noticed that something was wrong and followed Light's instructions about killing me. I had to carry out this plan to the end so that everything worked."

"But…" Matsuda's hand flew to his mouth as the policeman leapt up with shock, "she is still… isn't she going to realize now? How are you going to handle her?"

"Now I have far better means to control the situation. And I don't have to be afraid that you will lynch me for telling Light that he was Kira." At the last words L's lips quirked in a little wry smile.

The chief looked up at the detective. "_Are_ you going to tell Light that he was Kira?"

"Yes. It will be necessary, Yagami-san."

"I see." Yagami murmured. "Perhaps that's even better."

His gaze returned to his son. He reached out and brushed Light's fringe from his forehead, uncovering the closed eyes. His hand stayed entwined in the chestnut hair as he continued to stare at the youth's handsome face with sad tenderness.

"There is one more thing I don't get," Aizawa mused. "Why would Light spare you? Since you were such a risk for him, he should have killed you without as much as a blink."

Unexpectedly, L's pale cheeks flushed with faint pink and his gaze dropped to his tea.

"I suppose he simply didn't want to do it," the youth said. For a moment it seemed it was the only explanation he was going to give them, but then he continued. "In many ways Light and I are very alike. We lived together for three months. It makes people… close."

"Yeah," Matsuda muttered under his breath. "So does sleeping in one bed."

The chief shot his subordinate a razor-sharp glance. "Matsuda!"

"Please, Matsuda-san."

The blush on L's cheeks rose and became opulent. Soichiro frowned suspiciously, noticing it, but if there was anything he wanted to say, he left it for himself. The room fell silent again. L busied himself with sipping his tea in an obvious attempt to ignore their scrutinizing attention. Finally Mogi scratched his head and spoke, breaking the awkward atmosphere.

"I think Ryuzaki is right. It's unfair to punish Light. Light is a good person, it was Kira who was evil, and Kira was destroyed. Light may have some traits Ryuzaki mentioned, but you don't punish people for a superiority complex or even psychopathy. Of course, if we spare Light, we should all the more spare Misa-Misa."

Soichiro raised his eyes on the big man, as if he wanted to praise him to the skies.

"That's right!" Matsuda exclaimed with unveiled happiness. "Light, real Light is good. Plus, he is a great hope for the NPA, isn't that what the boss said? We can't waste such a talent!"

Ryuzaki turned to the last policeman. "Aizawa-san?"

Aizawa was skeptical.

"The truth is, I think that if there were some punishment possible, it would be the best option. Completely absolving them doesn't seem fair. But, just like you said, the officials accept only strict evidence, and the strict evidence in this case can only lead to one sentence."

"The extenuating circumstances could be enough to save Misa, if you consider that she was acting out of passion and on Light's order," L clarified. "At least that's what I think, considering the moment of Rem's death. But I doubt anything could be done for Light."

"And in that case we can't allow it," Aizawa concluded.

L closed his eyes and breathed deeply, relief for the first time visible on his face.

"Thank you," he whispered.

"But I don't think completely letting them out of sight will be safe," Aizawa insisted. "Especially Light. I wouldn't be so sure that there is no threat."

L nodded and took another long sip. "That is exactly what I have been thinking. And actually I do have an idea what to do about it."

Ryuk watched all this in bewilderment. It looked like he had just witnessed the end of Kira. But it was not the end he had expected. He'd planned to kill Light once the arrogant little human lost the game. Only he'd never considered Light would lose like this. Had they intended to put the brat on the electric chair, killing him before would be the only option to close the deal. But as it was now, writing Light's name would be just a whim. And even though such a resolution had some appeal, what was happening at the moment seemed much more interesting. So Ryuk just resolved to let the things unfold and make sure not to miss anything of what was still to come.

* * *

"Are you okay, Yagami-san?" L asked, approaching the chief who was still sitting on the sofa, face buried in his hands. Mogi was carrying the still unconscious Light in his arms, following Watari out of the room. 

"No," the senior Yagami muttered. "It's not easy to find out that your son is a mass murderer, no matter how great the extenuating circumstances are. It's just…" He broke off and shook his head.

"Yes." Ryuzaki answered stiffly. The chief's misery made him feel awkward. He had a vague urge to put a comforting hand on the cop's shoulder, but stifled it; it would be unlike him. "I am sorry to bother you then," he said, crawling onto the couch beside the older man, "but there is one more thing I would like to discuss."

Soichiro seemed numb to his words, he didn't show any sign that he was receiving them. L could only hope that he was listening.

"There is this one Death Note left." He held out his hand with the black notebook hooked between two fingers. The chief raised his head and gave the object a fleeting glance. "It's the one I used. I was afraid that if I destroyed it, I would lose my memories, but I don't think it should stay with me. I suppose it's safest to give it to the police." Yagami's gaze followed the Note as L placed it on the table before them. The detective hesitated, but then added carefully. "You may consider using it. The Death Note itself isn't a totally evil thing. When used properly, it might be helpful in a number of situations."

Soichiro's head dropped again. For a moment L thought that he would receive no answer, but eventually the older man nodded.

"Very well, Ryuzaki, thank you."

"Shall we go then? Light will probably wake up shortly. I think he will appreciate your presence when he finds out."

"Yes… yes, of course." But when L started to unfold from crouching, the cop suddenly grabbed his wrist. "Ryuzaki, I want to thank you. What you did for my son is… a great thing. And to think that I claimed that you had it in for Light. I was unfair accusing you. I am sorry."

L gave him a reassuring smile. "That's all right, Yagami-san. Light is your son, it's natural that you took his side."

The policeman tightened his lips. "Yes. I… thank you again."

"Yagami-san… about Light and me…"

"You don't have to tell me," the chief cut off, a little too hastily to hide his uneasiness. "If there is anything more than friendship between you two… perhaps I'm not very happy about it, but I won't condemn you either. After all," despite his gloomy mood, he forced a crooked smile on his face, "I've never seen such a good match." With that, he finally released L's wrist and got up to follow him out of the room.

They were silent when they went down the elevator and moved through the empty, dimly-lit corridor three levels below. The chief scanned the place with a curious gaze; he'd never been in this part of the building. Finally at some moment he spoke.

"You will be very lonely here once we've gone back to our homes. Just look at it. All this huge tower just for you and Watari."

L refrained from commenting that he'd been lonely all his life and was well used to it. He was sure the topic would be closed if he'd simply let it pass. The more Yagami's next words surprised him.

"Maybe you could drop in on my place for dinner sometimes. I'm sure you could use some more… ordinary company once in a while."

He stopped in mid-step and stared at Soichiro, dumbfounded. The chief halted as well and turned to give him a questioning glance.

"You mean, like a dinner with your family?" L asked, unable to believe the man's words.

"Well yes. You know, me, Sachiko, you kids… My wife is a great cook. She makes wonderful cakes."

You kids? He felt his eyes grow even wider. Did the chief even realize what he had just said? But at the same time a warm feeling poured into him and spread over his body with a comforting wave.

"Is Watari invited too?"

Soichiro smiled. "Yes, why not?"

Ryuzaki couldn't help but smile in return. "I'll be pleased to come, Yagami-san."

* * *

He opened his eyes into the vague feeling of confusion, at first thinking that he was awakening from a dream… but that moment was very short. He came round too abruptly, without the typical sleepy feeling that made you want to go back to the wonderland. He was at once fully awake and aware of many things that suggested something else than waking up in the morning. The room was not his room; he'd never been here before. It was brightly lit and looked somewhat like a doctor's consulting room. He was lying on an adjustable table, not in a bed, fully dressed, and there was a face hovering over him. The face with huge, black-rimmed eyes without a gleam. 

He looked down. L sat on the edge of the table. Over his shoulder Light saw yet another person – his father, standing behind the detective and looking down at him with a concerned face.

"How are you feeling, Light?" Ryuzaki asked.

Strange words to say 'hello'. Answering 'okay' somehow didn't fit either. It was not what he was feeling. Something was wrong.

"I don't know," his voice came out as a murmur. "What's this place?"

"A medical bay."

"A medical bay?" He didn't even know that the headquarters had one. "What happened?"

"You fainted," his dad said.

Light raised his brows. "Fainted? How?"

"What do you remember?"

Light frowned, trying to find in his mind the last moment he had memorized. Things seemed strangely blurred, as if something blocked his memory. It took him some effort before he put the fragmented, hazy thoughts together.

"There was this trial. We were testing the rule… um, 13-day rule, to prove Kira's identity. We… _you_ were testing if I am Kira. But it turned out that I'm not. Granted. The convict died, and I was so happy that I would finally…" he broke off. _I would finally what? _There was some very odd feeling about all this.

Ryuzaki wrinkled his nose. "Well, not exactly."

"No? What then?"

The detective sighed and for a moment stared at him silently, then turned around to glance at his father. Soichiro nodded, and Ryuzaki's gaze came back to Light.

"I guess there's no other way to tell you, but straight. It has been proved that you are Kira, Light."

"What?!" He twitched abruptly. What was this? Another of Ryuzaki's tricks? Why did this guy keep hounding him like that? This guy of all people… Light's gaze found his father. "Dad?"

But Soichiro's eyes were sad. The chief lowered his head.

"I am sorry, son, but that's true."

It couldn't be; no, it couldn't! Something clenched inside him and made it hard to breathe. His father wouldn't deceive him about something like this, would he? If there was anyone he could trust in this matter, it was his father. But then, his father had deceived him about it once before. Were they plotting something again? What were they trying to prove?

"Impossible," he gasped. "It can't be. I remember this guy dying. I'm sure I am not…"

"Yes," Ryuzaki interrupted. "He died because I killed him."

"What?!"

"Light," his father said. "Do you remember Ryuzaki's theory about losing memories?"

Light felt his eyes growing wide. He blinked a few times as he recalled L's assumptions about passing the Death Note ownership. Indeed. That would explain… And why didn't he remember it at first? Why did his memory feel so strange? His confusion slowly turned into terror as realization hit him.

Soichiro's hand rested on L's shoulder. "Ryuzaki, I will leave you two alone now. I'll be in the observing room."

The detective nodded minutely. "Yes."

"Light," the chief turned to him, "it may sound strange at this moment, but don't worry. Listen carefully to what Ryuzaki has to tell you. It will be alright."

With that, he moved to leave. Light wanted to stop him, wanted to call after him, but he suddenly didn't dare, suddenly the shame was too strong to speak. The door swooshed closed, cutting the chief off from view.

Light slumped his head back on the thin mattress and closed his eyes, while Ryuzaki proceeded to tell him what exactly had happened. He didn't want to believe it; oh, how he wished it was just another trick. But now that the confusion had faded, his mind started to work again. And with that, more details surfaced, showing as moving pictures in his mind. Him and Ryuzaki. On the roof in the rain, in the café, on a walk. Talking. Disagreeing. What about? A shinigami, Rem. A name, L Lawliet. Ryuzaki's real name. Wait… How did he know it? How _could_ he know it? And then came more, and it was the worst. Efforts to write this name, complete inability to do it, sudden disgust at himself… It opened connections to something else, as if there was more, hidden deep in his memory… but they faded halfway, leaving him with the feeling of loss and frustration.

All those things would suggest that he really was… _oh no!_ But it had to be it. _I killed hundreds of people! I am a mass-murderer! _His throat tightened in a sharp, repellent feeling of sickness.

His despair must have been visible on his face because he felt a gentle touch on his wrist.

"Light, are you alright?"

"No, I am not," he snapped. "How can I be alright?"

"Yes. I am sorry." Wryly. And after a moment. "Have you remembered something more?"

He slowly opened his eyes. He hesitated. Should he reveal it? It would be in fact admitting his guilt. He looked over Ryuzaki's head at the spying eye of the camera that would mercilessly record his every word. His instinct of self-preservation protested. He didn't want to die, he had a deep inside feeling that he didn't deserve it. But the rest of him was repulsed by the discovery and demanded… justice. If he indeed was Kira, he should face the consequences.

"Not much," he forced his voice through his throat. "Scraps. Fragments. But I remember your name. The real one. And how I tried to write it. But I couldn't."

L frowned. "You remember my name?"

He nodded. The black depths of L's eyes regarded him curiously, as the detective's thumb rose to his mouth.

"That's strange. According to my theory you shouldn't remember any such thing."

"Maybe… maybe it's because I started to have doubts. Maybe at the moments when I looked at your name, my usual self sneaked into Kira's thinking. I don't know."

Ryuzaki's head tilted. "Yes, that's possible. But actually I am glad that you retained some memories. I wouldn't want to lead you to believe in things. This way it will be easier for you to help me."

The unexpected shift in L's reasoning made Light blink.

"Help you? What do you mean?"

The detective smirked at seeing his surprise, but when he answered the humor was gone. "Misa. I have to handle her fast, otherwise she will kill me."

Within the next few minutes Ryuzaki had explained to him the situation. Light gathered himself to sit up and listened to the detective's words incredulously.

"If I do it," he observed when the other finished, "I would be helping you to bring her to the electric chair."

"If you don't do it," L countered, "it won't be any better. Really Light, are you so afraid to hurt someone that you'd rather help Kira?"

That was true. Either choice he made would be equally dramatic. It was just that not doing anything seemed easier and gave him the feeling of protecting someone, while acting seemed like treachery. And it was not just someone – it was the girl who loved him beyond reason, and who at the moment seemed lonely and helpless. Even if he didn't love her back, betraying her was outright nasty. It was the erroneous thinking. Neither was Misa helpless, nor would his actions be crucial in convicting her. The connection between the two of them was so obvious that proving that one was Kira was enough to prove that the other was too. The only thing that could save her at the moment was actually killing the whole team. Which she was capable of doing, but of course it was not what Light wanted.

Strong hands took him by his arms, bringing him to attention. L was leaning over him.

"Light, I promise you that Misa won't die. Trust me."

Something in those matte eyes told him that it was true, some intensity in Ryuzaki's gaze made him indeed believe the detective. It didn't matter. He knew that L was as excellent a player as he himself was – he could probably make one believe that the Earth was a disc floating in space on four elephants. But that didn't matter either. Light had already made his decision.

He lowered his head and sighed. "Alright. I will do it."

He didn't try to fool himself that it would save him – the law had no mercy for mass murderers like him. But it was minimally comforting to think that before dying he would help to put an end to Kira.

L nodded with a smile, as the grip on his arms tightened. "Very well, then let's get to it."

* * *

Light's hand was shaking a little when he chose the number and pressed the connect button. He kept the receiver at some distance from his ear, expecting a high level of decibels. 

He wasn't wrong.

"Liiight!!!" Misa's voice twittered from the speaker. "You finally called! Misa was so worried about you! So how did it go? Tell me, tell me!"

Light felt like cringing. Even if by some persistent denial he could still doubt in what L had told him, now he would hear the final confirmation. Everyone would hear it – a little bug L had attached to his phone transmitted Misa's and his words straight to the observing room. The detective himself stood before him like a watchdog, the black eyes fixed on him attentively. Light wanted to whine; no, he wanted to smash the damned phone against the wall and scream that it was unfair. Instead he forced his voice into smug confidence, just like he supposed the ultimate winner Kira would sound.

"Everything is just fine, Misa. How else could it be? I was…"

"Yay!!! Light!! Misa is sooo happy. It was so long that I thought something went wrong."

A growl rose in his throat and threatened to escape it. He stifled it.

"No, Misa, I simply didn't have a chance to call you earlier. Everyone wanted something from me, there were some formalities to take care of, and so on. Only now did I manage to escape them for a moment."

"That stupid Ryuk." Her voice turned a little pouty. "He could have dropped in to give me a word. Where is that shinigami anyway?"

Light sucked in his breath and almost let out an unwanted sound again. Here it was. So fast. _Checkmate, Misa._ But at the same time his mind remained alert. Could that be a test? Was there some trick hidden in her words? Unlikely. Misa was too stupid and too devoted to do something like that. And not that Ryuzaki hadn't acquainted him with the details that could be helpful in this conversation. He didn't have any memories about Ryuk, but he knew who Ryuk was.

"Yeah, he was around for a while but then disappeared, so I didn't have a chance to tell him to give you the news. Actually, I thought he came back to you. I'm surprised that he didn't."

He tensed, half expecting that the girl would now burst into evil laughter and tell him what was the trick that he'd fallen for, but of course she didn't. Instead she continued chirping.

"Oh, never mind. Actually Misa hopes he won't come back that soon. Because when Light comes to Misa, Misa would like to celebrate with Light alone."

_Only there will be no celebration, Misa_, a bitter thought surfaced in his mind. For once he regretted that his rendezvous with the girl was not something that was going to happen.

"Yes, Misa, I can't wait for that," he spoke in the most even of voices. "But I probably won't be able to make it sooner than in the evening. Now, I want you to do something for me. Listen carefully, because it's very important." He took a breath, remembering L's instructions, and set about his key move. "I want you to go and retrieve your Death Note," he said slowly. _Of course Light wouldn't let me bring it here, it's hidden in a very safe place. _"Before you leave, destroy the separate pages you have." _Oh, Misa can kill Ryuzaki all right._ "Then, go to the post office and send the notebook to the address I'll give you."

He had to admit that L's trick was as simple as it was brilliant. The detective knew that after losing his memory Light would not be convincing as Kira unless he knew some obvious facts – in this case the position of the notebook. Misa would never reveal this position to L, of course, but she was too stupid to notice that the very fact whether or not she had the notebook with her was crucial for Light to have this conversation. If Light said 'retrieve the notebook', in her view he surely knew where it was, because he knew it wasn't with her. She was also too stupid to connect the facts that she had once told this to L, because this information seemed irrelevant, and moreover, back then she had expected everything to be okay. Well, that was the reasoning L had presented to Light, but truly, Light could see no flaws in it.

For an instant there was silence in the receiver. Then he heard a sharp intake of breath.

"Light, what are you saying?" Her voice had changed. It sounded softer, lost its high-pitched shrillness.

_"What if she doesn't agree?" _

_"She said she would do anything." _

_"Yes, but forfeit?" _

_"I'm sure you can convince her. You are good at that." _

He was, wasn't he? And he already knew how he would do it.

"I am saying that I want you to give up your ownership. You've done enough for me, Misa, I am very proud of you. But now I have chosen your successor who will be my eyes from now on. I won't use you anymore; from now on I just want you to be my girlfriend. I want to be with you for you, not for your eyes."

"Light…" She sounded like she was about to cry.

"Will you do it for me, Misa?"

"Misa will do it right away! Misa is so so happy!" So hastily, eagerly enthusiastic. In spite of the gloomy circumstances, he breathed with relief. After a short pause she continued more calmly. "Just promise me one thing, Light. Promise that you will tell Misa that you are Kira so that I will know what we are celebrating when we are celebrating."

Light closed his eyes and swallowed, as something tight closed around his throat. "Of course I will tell you. I would never keep it away from you. Very well then, Misa. Take something to write and I'll give you the name and address."

When a minute later he disconnected, he allowed his shoulders to slump and his head to fall onto his chest. "I think it worked," he muttered.

L gave him a brief nod, already clicking at his own phone.

"Did you pick up everything, Yagami-san? … Very well. Please, have someone follow Amane when she leaves the building, I want to be sure that she really follows Light's instructions. Ah, and," he turned to the camera, "turn the surveillance off. We won't need it anymore."

* * *

She knelt on her bed for a few long minutes, clutching the cell phone to her chest as if it was Light himself. She'd raised her eyes in a silent thankful prayer. She almost couldn't believe it, it seemed too good to be true. But it had to be it! Light finally truly loved her. 

She'd always known, deep inside, that his assurances of love were not completely honest. She'd heard it in his voice, seen it in his face, although she'd tried to ignore it. But now… _I want to be with you for you, not for your eyes._ There was no other explanation to that. That was her own proof. Finally her efforts had made her dream come true!

Without more thinking, she leapt up from the bed and reached under the mattress. She produced the remaining sheets. There was some sadness at what she was about to do, but most of all there was joy. Because she knew that once she forgot that she was Kira, the burden she'd been feeling would be finally taken off her chest. Then she would be free. And her prince would be there for her, loving her forever…

* * *

"So," Light put the cell phone aside and raised his eyes to the detective, steeling himself for the hardest question. "When will they come to take me away?" 

For a moment L was giving him an enigmatic look.

"Nobody will take you away," he finally said. His voice was quiet, but it only made his words sound more serious.

Light almost choked on his breath. "Wha…? What do you mean?"

The detective's lips curved in something that resembled a wry smile.

"It is pretty amazing that a simple notebook can control your memories and make you see things other people can't see. Don't you think?"

He frowned, still not understanding. And so, after heaving a little sigh, L proceeded to give him more explanations. He told him about the things he'd heard from the shinigami Rem, about his own suspicions, and eventually how he had decided to save Light from his sorry end. The youth listened to all this, wide-eyed. He couldn't believe it.

"And for all this time, for the whole damned half an hour, you let me think that I was facing death? Why didn't you tell me before I called Misa?"

A slight shrug. "I guess I wanted to see your reaction. The Light I knew when we were cuffed together would decide to act noble in spite of the circumstances. I wanted to see what you would do."

He grit his teeth in a sudden surge of anger. That little manipulative bastard…

"Ryuzaki," he said, sliding off the table to stand on his feet. And when L's gaze moved to refocus on him, he plunged his fist right into the other's jaw.

It was just like a few months ago. The impact of his blow threw the detective right into the opposite wall. The lanky youth slammed against it hard. He managed to stay on his feet this time – probably because the room was much smaller – but shook his head, clearly dazed, and grabbed onto the concrete behind him to stop himself from falling.

Light was almost surprised when no chain pulled him after the other man and instead he remained in his place. The emotions boiled inside him, but as realization finally settled, the anger subsided abruptly, and was replaced by a dizzying, overwhelming wave of happiness.

He wouldn't die! Not only that— He brought his hands to his face and broke into laughter— He wouldn't die, and he wasn't such a monster after all. The impact of the Death Note – he was more than eager to accept it. It made perfect sense! He still felt the load of what he had done – he supposed he would never stop feeling it – but with this new awareness it was so much lighter. He leaned against the table, as the high-pitched, hysterical laughter bent his body in half. The joy and relief that poured over him were intoxicating.

He was so lost in his own emotions that when something poked his shoulder, he was surprised that he'd never noticed the detective approaching. He straightened, lowering his hands, and forced the manic happiness off his face.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh like that, but I…"

Pain blinded him as Ryuzaki's fist connected with his own cheek. The world swirled around him in a crazy, chaotic dance, and the next second something slammed against his back. His hand flew up to cup his aching jaw as some detached part of him made a note that L's fist was just as hard as his foot. When the room stopped spinning, he realized that, unlike L, he had landed on the floor. He looked up at the raven-haired man hovering over him.

"Hey, what was that for?" he exclaimed. "I _had_ a reason."

"My reason," Ryuzaki said slowly, "was the bed thing."

The bed thing? At first he didn't understand. Then… _oh no!_

"I didn't," he muttered with horror.

"Actually, you did."

"Shit." The rude word followed an abrupt thought before he managed to stop it. But it seemed perfectly suitable at the moment. "Aw, shit!" Such a bastard. Such a bastard! He wanted to deny it with all his might, but it wouldn't make the slightest sense for Ryuzaki to lie to him about something like that; besides, somewhere deep inside he felt that it was true. Perhaps some subconscious traces of his memory… And with all this L still had wanted to help him?

"I guess simply saying sorry will sound inadequate," he murmured.

L crouched before him. He didn't really seem angry, but Light was well aware that it didn't mean that he _hadn't been_ angry.

"Saying sorry would be very appreciated."

"Would it be accepted?"

"Perhaps."

"Well then, I am sorry. Damn. I am very, _very_ sorry."

Ryuzaki nodded simply and rose. He outstretched a hand in Light's direction. On reflex, the youth took it and was pulled up to his feet as well. Standing was however too much of an effort for his tired person, so he dragged himself to the table and slumped down on it again.

"So what will happen to me? You didn't turn me in to the officials, but I don't believe that you will simply let me out of sight."

L shoved his hands into his pockets and turned on his bare heel to face him again.

"Correct. I have been thinking about it, and I decided that the optimal option will be to make you work with me from now on." Light gave out a little startled gasp at that and, surprisingly, Ryuzaki smiled. "I need to have you around to keep an eye on you, and at the same time we can make it productive. With your amazing investigative skills, L's efficiency will increase by some 80 percent. We will also continue to cooperate with your father and the team, and they will be watching you as well."

The first shock subsided and Light was able to give the detective a calm nod. "I see."

"And by the way, this is not an offer you can reject. For you this is a must, Light. Also, if we notice anything strange in your behavior, or if any Kira-like activity occurs, you will be immediately detained."

"Alright," Light agreed easily. He wouldn't reject it even if he could. He simply liked the prospect. The investigator work was something he'd always dreamt of, and here he had received an offer from the great L himself! As much as he wanted to wallow in his own angst for a little longer, he couldn't help it when the feeling of joy started to return. His 'punishment' actually presented a nice vision of the future.

"Why are you doing all this for me, Ryuzaki?" he asked. "You wanted to catch Kira at all costs, and now you're giving it all up."

"I am not giving it up. I did catch Kira. And I killed Kira. Killing you would be a wrong solution. That was the trap in this puzzle. The question is actually, why did _you_ do it for _me_? You had a chance to kill me. More than once. Even today… In the end I miscalculated a little. You noticed how I destroyed the notebook before you fainted. You could have alarmed Misa. You didn't."

Light frowned, considering it. Pictures of himself and L – pictures that made him blush – appeared in his mind. Those he remembered with crystal clarity. Those he would never forget.

"I think you know why," he whispered.

"Are you saying that you care for me? That much?"

Light gave a slight shrug, for some reason feeling stupid. "I can't tell you details now, my memory is like a sieve, but… I remember my frustration. I remember how my hand simply wouldn't move when I tried to write your name. I wanted to… and I just couldn't."

He cared for Ryuzaki? No, he loved Ryuzaki. With no girl ever, even if he was intimate with them, had he felt like this. He loved and desired this sloppy guy, and that didn't change no matter if he was Kira or not.

He was caught completely unawares when L's hands grabbed him suddenly and pulled him sharply to the bony chest, closing him in a crushing embrace.

"I am glad to have you back, Light," L whispered. "And by the way, apologies accepted."

It took him a minute before he found a voice in his throat. "Um… happy to hear that. And what about the, um…"

"Bed thing? I can't say I dream of getting into bed with you right now. But we can come back to this topic later."

He said nothing to that, just nodded silently, swallowing a slight disappointment. His own arms rose and wrapped around Ryuzaki. He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the detective's shoulder. It had been quite possibly the most intense day of his life. All the powerful, contrasting emotions mixed in his head. He felt guilty, horrified, relieved, happy… confused. But the sensation of L's body against him was comforting, and suddenly he found himself smiling and thinking that in spite of everything it would be okay.

* * *

Ryuk lay comfortably on top of the high cupboard, head propped against his hand, and watched the two young males from above. Being invisible indeed had many advantages. It allowed you to hear such spicy details like the one about the 'bed thing'. He was still bewildered with this little revelation. Who would have thought! Mr. Popular female-heart-breaker, getting together with a guy. Poor ladies. Poor Misa… 

Beneath, L finally disentangled himself from the embrace.

"One last thing," he said, "maybe you'll be able to tell me. I suspect you have a piece of the Death Note hidden somewhere on you. You needed it, considering some situations. Do you have any idea what this place can be?"

Light's hands slid off the other's back reluctantly. The youth thought for maybe two seconds before he answered.

"I have a compartment in my watch. I made it myself, so nobody knows about it. I used it as my little secret hiding place. You know, teenage issues. If it is anywhere, it's there."

Ryuk winced with distaste. Sooo correct. _Wouldn't you rather save this little piece for yourself, Light? For a moment of anger or danger… it would be interesting._ But Light was already fiddling with his watch, and L stared at it with greedy eyes, gnawing at his thumb.

A little plate sprang out from under the dial, revealing a piece of paper hidden inside.

"Bingo." In spite of this casual word, Light's voice was strained. "You take it, I don't want to touch that thing anymore."

The detective reached for the sheet carefully. He took it between his fingers, then suddenly raised his head and looked around. Ryuk tensed in anticipation, not sure piece of which Death Note Light had kept in the watch lately. But the matte gaze slid past him unseeing, and L turned back to the youth.

"Just checking," he explained sheepishly.

In spite of himself, the shinigami felt somewhat disappointed. If that was so, he had nothing to do here anymore. He'd seen enough and it was time to take off anyway. He spread his wings and floated up from his seat. In the last moment he heard Ryuzaki's shocked words.

"'Chokes on a candy?' That's cruel!"

Amused with that punch line, he shot through the ceiling, chuckling.

_I already saw it coming for you, Light. If you chose to kill that guy, you would have followed a straight path to your downfall. Your own perfection would lead you there – your megalomania, your intellect, your strict sense of morality. So strict that with just a little help from the Death Note it became twisted. Your perfection became your curse. But now you are no longer perfect. You've been stained with a past as a mass murderer. Your arrogance will have a hard nut to crack. And good. It will teach you a lesson._

Ryuk shook his head, embarrassed with his own preaching, and resolved for another sardonic chuckle. _So long, Light Yagami. One day we'll meet again._


	13. Epilogue verB: Aftermath

**Epilogue: Aftermath**

"Hello, my name is Taro Kagami, room number 315. I await a package, it was sent two days ago. Could you please check if it has arrived?"

"Of course, wait a minute, sir." The girl at the reception desk turned to the row of guests' boxes and searched for the room number. "Here you are." Her hand fished into one of them and produced an A5 brown envelope. She put it on the counter before him.

"Thanks." The guy, a strange-looking, messy young man in a trench coat, took the package, granting her a reserved smile, and went to the elevator, slouching.

* * *

He locked the door and leaned against it, ripping the envelope open. He looked inside and smiled. The thin black-covered notebook was tucked safely into the bedding of bubble wrap. He moved to the table, where a fireproof container was prepared. On the cupboard next to the window sat a bowl of apples, but it didn't look like there were any fewer of them than yesterday, when he'd brought them here. And why had he done it in the first place? He still couldn't understand. 

Carefully, he slid the notebook into the container, holding the envelope by its corners and never touching the contents. He glanced at the cover. The inscription was different, written in some strange letters he'd never seen before. Perhaps it wasn't even any of the earthly alphabets.

He reached into his pocket and produced a lighter. Feeling a cramp in his stomach, he brought it to the Death Note. So it was the end, once and for all. His relief was mingled with a strange melancholy. Somehow the finality of what he was about to do made him sad.

And at this very moment the corner of his eye caught a movement. He gulped and raised his eyes, already knowing what he would see. An apple floated in the air above the bowl. Then, with a juicy crunch, one third of it disappeared.

The decision was instant. His hand was reaching to the black cover before he had time to think about it.

"Hello, Ryuk," he said, placing his fingers on the surface of the paper. A black-clad, grinning creature materialized before his eyes. He couldn't help a little shiver that ran down his spine. As much as he was prepared, seeing a shinigami was not something that happened every day. This one looked completely different than Rem. That surprised him, but he decided not to dwell on it. It was propped on top of the cupboard, next to the bowl, and was just swallowing the rest of the apple.

"Hi there," it said. _He_ said. L reminded himself that Light talked of Ryuk as of a male. "Thanks for the apples."

"You're welcome," he answered.

Ryuk continued grinning and reached for another fruit. Ryuzaki felt his brows rise at the deity's cool attitude. What was it, some shinigami punk?

"So," a bite, "are you really going to destroy this?"

"That is what I intend to do. Will you try to stop me?"

"Nah, I don't have to protect this thing, so go ahead if you want. However," Ryuk waved an apple-armed hand, "perhaps you'd like to keep it."

L's brows rose again. Such a light-headed arrogance… "No, thank you."

"You sure? You'd be a great user."

"Yes, I am sure."

"Pity." Ryuk tried to pout, but with his constantly grinning face it didn't work too well. "I had so much fun watching you and Light. I'd like to see some more."

That made his surprise grow to amazement. "So, that's what it was for you? Fun?"

A shrug. "You don't talk about morality with a shinigami. If you only saw our world, you'd understand."

"Why aren't you stopping me then? If it's only the matter of your fun, you wouldn't be helping anyone."

Ryuk chuckled, apparently finding it ironic that L had suggested something like this.

"Nah, it wouldn't be funny at all," he said. The last bite of the second apple disappeared in his massive jaws, and he took his time to chew, before he continued. "I like nice endings, they make me feel sated. And this is one of them. Messing with it would spoil the fun. As it is, I can go back home and relish it for a while."

"Well," L murmured wryly, "when you decide you need entertainment again, I hope you will choose another playground."

Ryuk's skinny body shook in a particularly strong fit of chuckles. "We'll see, we'll see."

L waited patiently for the laughter to end.

"Tell me one more thing, Ryuk," he said then. "Will I lose my memories about meeting with you, now that I touched the notebook?"

"You won't lose your memories about killing with the notebook you didn't own and you won't lose your memories about the notebook you owned, but never used. That's how it works, so no."

"Thank you, that settles it. Well, then, if you will excuse me, shinigami-san—" He closed the lighter to the notebook again.

"Sure thing. Do your job." Ryuk grabbed the bowl of apples; then suddenly a pair of long leathery wings grew from his back, and he floated into the air. "It was nice to talk to you anyway."

Ryuzaki decided not to answer the pleasantry and simply torched the Death Note's corner. Without the gasoline the flame was small and the fire slid through the notebook slowly, eating it gradually.

"And by the by," Ryuk offered, "have fun with Light."

L cast him a last glance. He was sure that the shinigami winked at him knowingly, before shooting right through the closed window. He stared dumbfounded at the spot where the deity had disappeared. Could it mean that… Oh well, he shrugged off his surprise, in the end who cared?

He waited for the notebook to burn completely, then threw the ashes into the trash can. Somehow the melancholy was gone. Somehow he only now felt the full power of satisfaction. Was it the impact of the Death Note or the meeting with the shinigami, which he – he admitted it finally – hoped for? Well, it didn't matter either. He took a deep contented breath and left the room, not looking back.

* * *

"Eeek!" Misa whined. "Why do we have to go with him? Can't he leave us alone?" 

"I thought we'd agreed on that, Misa. You said you don't mind Ryuzaki going with us."

"Maybe I didn't mind then, but I do now," the girl stuck out her lip unhappily and a little too dramatically to take her seriously. "It's really outrageous, Light, that you chose this… _queer_ over me."

Ryuzaki turned his head away and pretended to watch someone on the pavement across the street. Light stifled the urge to roll his eyes.

"I _am_ meeting with you, aren't I? You know the deal. If you want me to meet with you, you have to accept Ryuzaki. Sometimes we will go out without him, but not very often. And besides, put yourself in his position. He has to accept you too. And he isn't complaining."

L turned to them swiftly and flashed Misa a grin. "In fact, Misa-san, I am glad that you join us sometimes. I appreciate your company very much."

She was positively boiling now. She stopped, stamping her wedge-heeled shoe. "It's because you're getting the better part of it! And I have to tolerate a man glued to _my_ Light! You are male, Ryuzaki, that's perverted!"

"Stereotypes, stereotypes," L hummed.

Light did roll his eyes eventually. Why had he agreed to this? He remembered that talk he had with L a few days ago.

"I really think you shouldn't break up with Misa. The girl loves you madly. She'll be devastated."

"So? _I_ don't love _her_! I don't even have anything in common with her. Besides, I'm with you now. How do you imagine me going out with her?"

Ryuzaki shrugged. "You can meet her as a friend… you can even pretend a bit to be her boyfriend. It will put her in good mood. I am tolerant, you know. I won't even mind if you kiss her sometimes. Come on, Light, you like her."

"I don't. She is stupid." In the back of his mind Light knew that he was sulking like a kid, but he didn't care.

Ryuzaki waved a finger in front of him. "No, she isn't. She is not half as stupid as she seems and you know it. She showed it many times during the Kira case. And you do like her."

Light felt that he was breaking. "Oh, well, maybe a little."

"See?" L grinned at him. "No reason to make the girl unhappy. Besides, she might be helpful to us. She is a great actress; it could come in handy to be on good terms with her."

Light folded his arms on his chest. "So, that's what you are up to, you snake!"

Ryuzaki pursed his lips, while his eyes went to stare at the ceiling. "Well, partly. But I really think it's bad to throw her away like that."

In effect, Light had to endure Misa's company from time to time… quite often actually. And he had to be careful not to speak about Kira with her, as the girl was kept blissfully ignorant to the part she and Light had once played. Strangely enough, she took his relationship with Ryuzaki quite easily. Probably because she believed he would dump the detective for her soon. Well, let her, that was not going to happen.

They got to the café and took a table for three. Ryuzaki announced that he was buying, and soon a big piece of cake landed in front of each of them.

"Besides," L continued, "Misa said she was my friend. Aren't you enjoying meeting with a friend, Misa-Misa?"

Misa was poking her cake with a fork. "Misa can't be a friend of someone who stole her boyfriend. I really thought it would end once you took off those stupid cuffs. But instead of being here with Light alone, as would be right, I have to put up with you."

Light watched her silently while she argued with L. Of course, she wasn't happy about the situation, but it was clear that she wasn't as unhappy as she claimed to be. Actually, he decided, the pout she threw at L was somewhat coquettish. L pouted as well.

"Does that mean that Misa-Misa doesn't like me anymore?" He batted his oversized eyes at her comically.

Misa winced and kept wincing for a long moment. Then she sighed.

"Well, yeah, maybe I do. A little." Then she aimed a finger at him. "But don't you even _start_ to think that if I'm dating Light, I'm dating you too. Oh no! That should never even cross your mind."

Ryuzaki's face turned miserable at one moment and the next, it was wickedly thoughtful. He stuck a thumb between his lips and leaned to her a little. "It didn't. Actually, it crossed _your_ mind, Misa-san."

Misa puffed offendedly and Light sighed, shifting his gaze from her to Ryuzaki and back. He just knew life wasn't going to be easy for him in who knew how long.

**This concludes the alternative story of the Death Note (version B)**

* * *

**Author's note: **I also wrote a short afterword, explaining some whys and wherefores of this story – especially why there are two versions of it, and why do I like the second version better. If you care to read it, you will find it in my LJ: http:// czmadzia.livejournal. com/19754.html (minus spaces), titled _The Killer in You – Behind the Lines_. 


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